Lazy Weekend

This is me this weekend. We finally have a weekend off work, well for the most part. I am spending my time relaxing, reading, crocheting, playing with my granddoggies, and spending time with hubby.

Feels good.

Hot Topic Discussions Among Friends

I bring this up because I was always under the belief that true friends can discuss anything - any hot topic - without walking away from said discussion not ever wanting to talk to them again. I have always been able to in person. I am finding it difficult online.

Ever play the telephone game as a child? You know, the game in which something is whispered to the person sitting next to you and it is whispered to the next person and so on down the line until it gets back to the person who started the game. The trick was to see how much the text given to the 1st person is changed when it goes through even 5 people. Usually the whole context is different. That is because not one of us is alike. Some times that is a good thing. Other times it isn't.

So how can we have friends, be different, yet not destroy the relationship? I think it depends on the situation and the topic. Politics and religion are 2 super charged topics. There are times I just sit a discussion out and other times I get right into the middle of it. I try to remember what my grandmother taught me when I had a tendency to open mouth before thinking: You learn more when your mouth is shut and your ears are open.

Good advice. Hard to do.

So here's some other advice I have also used:
#1. You are never actually going to change anyone's mind. While you assume your logic will persuade another to see your views, the other person is just as determined that his/her logic is just as strong. Both of you have adopted logic that reinforces your own values.

#2. It is a proven medical fact that brain imaging studies prove that the emotional part of the brain takes over when you begin talking politics or religion or any other emotionally charged subject.

#3. Count to 10 before responding to any crass remark about anything you don't believe in. I can't count to 10 because it doesn't work. I find that if I remove myself from the conversation and don't return for a few days, the topic wasn't what I thought it was, nor was I really being judged. And if I still feel that way, I just walk away. They weren't friends to begin with.

#4. Never respond to another in the same nasty manner they have. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything.

#5. Don't pressure people to agree with you. No one likes a bully.

#6. Read out loud what others are saying. Sometimes reading something sounds different when actually spoken out loud. Listen to yourself. Reread what you write out loud. Make sure it is something you would want said to you.

#7. Never take the bait of someone who is definitely showing they are itching for a fight. Let them draw another to their level. Consider yourself above that.

#8. Stop when anger flares or everything gets tense. Agree to disagree and walk away. That means stay away.

#9. Debating means one wins and the other loses. A discussion means all the parties involved are mature and are logical. There are no winners and no losers and no hard feelings.

#10. Always discuss points and not people.

#11. Try to remember during heated discussions, there is something likable about nearly everyone.

#12. This one is my favorite: If you can't agree to disagree, rethink the relationship. Did you ever really see the other person or did you see what you wanted them to be?

Another Fortune Cookie

Ok, tonight's fortune is:

One who admires you greatly is hidden before your eyes.

Come come out where ever you are............

Fortune Cookie

Tonight for dinner I made sweet and sour chicken with brown rice filled with stir fry veges too and for dessert I served a few of the fortune cookies I had picked up at the store (they actually come in boxes now at the grocery store).

My fortune:

A secret admirer will soon send you a sign of affection.

I will be waiting..................although pretty sure it won't be the plumber I had to call to fix our busted hot water heater at the one office, or the remover of the bird poop from our sign, or my surgeon who called me lumpy this morning and so my husband decided to nickname me lumpyloopy now.

Nope....need the fortune to come true.......in the meantime I will be waiting.

Breast Biopsy

The breast MRI I had done on New Year's Eve showed a 3x3cm lump highly suspicious of cancer so yesterday I had an ultrasound guided breast biopsy done. The days between the test and the biopsy, as many of you know, have been pretty stressful. Yesterday when I checked in, my blood pressure was through the roof (154/104). Now I have had episodes before of high blood pressure but it was always when I was in pain or once when I was pretty stressed after a car accident and there was glass in my eyes and under my contacts. So this is pretty rare for me. Usually I am on the opposite spectrum - my blood pressure runs 100/60 and when I am really really tired it drops to 80/50. So since my blood pressure was that high yesterday, I have been taking it since to make sure this isn't going to be a normal thing. It hasn't been but it has taken 24 hours for it to come down. Today it is down to 130/80 which is ok - not my normal but ok. I think it is just showing how much stress I have been under. It is definitely something I will keep an eye on though.

Back to the biopsy......neither my husband nor I could feel this large breast lump. One that is 3x3cm should be felt but not mine (I always have to be different). So before they did the biopsy, the hospital first did a breast ultrasound. Most of you know what an ultrasound does but for those who don't: an ultrasound is a piece of equipment that has a monitor, a probe called a transducer, and a computer. Ultrasound imaging is based on the same principles as the sonar used by bats, ships and fishermen. When a sound wave strikes an object, it bounces back, or echoes. By measuring these echo waves it is possible to determine how far away the object is and its size, shape, and consistency (whether the object is solid, filled with fluid, or both). In this case, ultrasound is used to detect changes in appearance of organs, tissues, and vessels or detect abnormal masses, such as tumors. In an ultrasound examination, a transducer (probe) both sends the sound waves and records the echoing waves. When the probe is pressed against the skin, it directs small pulses of inaudible, high-frequency sound waves into the body. As the sound waves bounce off of internal organs, fluids and tissues, the sensitive microphone in the probe records tiny changes in the sound's pitch and direction. These waves are instantly measured and displayed by a computer, which in turn creates a real-time picture on the monitor. One or more frames of the moving pictures are typically captured as still images.

They actually found a lot of lumps but I do have fibrocystic breast disease so that is common. After 15 or so minutes they pinpointed the one that the MRI said was suspicious and marked it (X marked the spot with a skin marker). My breast was washed with betadine in layers, then the radiologist who specializes in breast biopsies came in and checked to make sure that the one marked was indeed the one he wanted biopsied. (I was lucky here in that the radiologist who read my MRI was the one who did the biopsy). Once the lump was marked, the radiologist injected a local anesthetic to numb it. The ultrasound tech then held the probe over the lump and the radiologist made a small cut in my breast and then inserted a large hollow needle. Using the ultrasound imaging, he guided it to the lump (hubs was there with me and we were able to watch the entire process on the ultrasound computer screen). It was kinda funny to see the tip of the needle advancing on the screen.

Once the radiologist got to the lump, he then inserted a core needle into the hollow part of the needle that was inside my breast. The core needle is an automatic spring loaded needle which has an inner needle connected to a trough and covered by a sheath and attached to the spring loaded mechanism. He activated the automatic mechanism and the needle moved forward and caught a 'core' of breast tissue. The outer sheath then moved forward to cut the tissue and keep it in the trough. He then took the inner needle out (leaving the large hollow needle in my breast), and put this core into a biopsy tube. He went on to take 7 other samples, going in different places within the lump to get a good sampling. After all samples had been collected, a small metal marker was placed in the lump which will help to identify the lump that samples were taken from. The large hollow needle was removed and pressure was applied to stop any bleeding and the opening in the skin is usually covered with a dressing. Since I am highly allergic to tape of any kind, a one inch stack of gauze was placed on the hole left by the biopsy and a nurse helped me put on my bra. It was kinda funny because the nurse asked me to bring a sports bra. When she asked me where it is, I asked her to find a manufacturer of sports bras that makes them for a H cup. They don't exist. My bras are over $200.00 the way it is. I get 3 a year. So my regular bra was put on, then two 6 inch ace wraps were used to bind me down and transform the H's into B's. Was definitely hard to breathe.

So I was awake during the entire procedure and I actually felt nothing until they switched from the nice warm gel in the first ultrasound to the sterile cold gel they had to use once the breast was prepped. I never felt the needle or anything. The only thing that bothered me was the binding - it pushed the wire in the bra into my skin. The nurse saw how much discomfort it was causing so she took everything back off and instead put the ace wraps on my breasts first then put on my bra. While the binding didn't change, it was at least more comfortable.

I was warned not to even lift my purse for 24-48 hours and especially don't use the right arm and to go to bed and relax. They didn't need to tell me twice. The night before the biopsy I didn't sleep at all. I was having hot flash after hot flash. So I think everything kinda caught up with me and I went to bed and slept for almost 6 hours, woke up and ate some grits, then went back to bed. I slept straight through till this morning. It was a little bit strange to sleep in my bra and the bindings and every time I tried to turn over in bed, they reminded me they were there. I have had very little pain - I would call it more discomfort and mainly from the binding.

Now it is just the waiting until the pathology report is in.

Red Light Cameras

I don't know if any of you have these in your area, but in our local paper, it made front page news. (No, it wasn't a slow story day because here in IL we have Blagojevich's impeachment trial starting and his wife was fired today from her fund raising job). This made news because of the sheer numbers of tickets that were given in a mere 6 week span in our town.

For those who do not know what a red light camera is - here is a definition: There is a camera at a designated intersection. The cameras snap pictures of vehicles that run red lights. The violator then receives a ticket in the mail for the infraction.

According to Eric Skrum, spokesman of the National Motorists Association, "Red-light cameras just reward cities for bad engineering." The group states: "The best remedies for dangerous intersections are engineering improvements like longer yellow lights and shielding signals to prevent glare and make the lights more visible as the sun sets." On the group's web site, they also state: "The organization believes that with properly posted speed limits and properly installed traffic-control devices, there is no need for camera-based traffic law enforcement devices."

I find this hilarious. Ask anyone what a red light or a yellow light or a green light means, especially a kid. They will say they have learned that a red light means stop. A green light means go. And a yellow light means go faster.

When I learned to drive (back in the olden ages), we were taught that a yellow light meant caution - slow down and be prepared to stop. In today's world, the belief is that if there is not a policeman around, you the motorist, have the right to do what you want. If you didn't firmly believe that, you would obey all traffic signs and speed limits without anyone watching. Does that happen? Only 10% of people do obey the traffic laws (speed limits, etc). I am one of them. My kids used to compare the number of cars that passed me when I drove to the number of cars my husband passed when he was driving. Guess who won?

I, for one, am glad to see red light cameras. I am sick and tired of seeing people run red lights or almost getting hit by one who runs the red light. Our town sent out 7000 tickets in 6 weeks. Each ticket sent to the owner of the car whose license plate was photographed was $100.00. Maybe the offenders will be helping me by stopping tax increases I would have had without this additional surprising income to the village.

Comfort Foods

Everyone has their own comfort foods and what it is will depend on many things. We turn to comfort food for familiarity, emotional security, a special reward, ease of preparation, culture, or even the cost of the food. The reason a dish becomes a comfort food are varied but it is often thought that a favorite comfort food has some pleasant association of childhood.

Favorite home-made comfort foods in the US include macaroni & cheese, mashed potatoes (or twice-baked potato), applesauce, peanut butter, and ice cream. None of those do it for me but I have always had to be different.

My comfort foods are buried in the South where I mainly grew up. There is nothing like homemade ice cream:


Or a nice warm deep dish peach pie with homemade ice cream of course:


But my favorite is what I came home to tonight after work, made by daughter who is staying with us while her husband is out of town on business: chicken fried steak with mashed tators, milk gravy and fried corn with homemade biscuits. Yummmmmmmm


So what are your comfort foods?

My Angel Pin

Most of my friends and those who have seen me in person, know that I wear an angel pin on my shoulder. I don't know that you actually know the history of that pin.

The pin was given to me by someone that I met at my first cancer meeting almost 10 years ago. We just clicked as friends right off the bat. One day at one of the meetings and I was down, she presented me with an angel pin. It was to remind me that we are still part of the living and every time I felt down or a wee bit off, all I had to do was touch the pin and know that someone out there was thinking of me and taking care of me. My special friend lost her battle with cancer quite a few years ago. I had survivor's guilt for a while but would touch my angel and immediately feel comforted. The pin is always on me - sometimes pinned on my bra but it is always worn.

In the same way I have always just known to do something or say something, I knew that a prescription I had been given 3 years ago for a breast MRI needed to be done and now. I had it done December 31st and I got my results December 31st. I have a suspicious 3x3cm area with an uptake of the dye in the dead center of the lump. It is highly suggestive of cancer and a biopsy is recommended. Mine is scheduled for this Friday.

I have always been a fanatic about breast self exams but not a fan of mammograms. I am a very large breasted woman and frankly they hurt like h*e*double hockey stick. I have a dropped lymph node in my one breast so they always end up taking more than the normal views just to get this node in the picture (it's difficult since it is in the armpit area). I have fibrocystic disease on top of it so I would end up bruised and unable to move my arm for a few weeks. Nope - not a fan of mammograms. Every time I had a mammogram I would also end up having a breast ultrasound so a few years ago I waited for technology to catch up and got the prescription for the breast MRI.

People ask me if I am scared. I guess I already know what the results are going to be and since I have been through cancer and have survived once, I know the ropes. I am not afraid. One thing I learned: Once you know how to die, you know how to live. There are no finer words out there.

Now don't get me wrong - I still stop myself every once in a while and ask myself why I feel so sure this is breast cancer and that my decision would be a bilateral mastectomy without reconstruction. I think I am more comfortable knowing (like my aunt) that the cancer is gone and I can get back to living. I also hate having surgery. I would also refuse chemo and radiation. I keep checking though to make sure I am really reacting normally to this but again, I find myself calm and at peace.

Want to know what one of my biggest concerns was? That I will have to stop taking my bio-identical natural hormones. That was actually one of my first phone calls. But no, I do not have to stop taking my hormones since I am on the bio-identicals which protect one against getting cancer. Since breast cancer is formed probably 10+ years before it actually shows up on any test, that puts me in the time of my uterine cancer and all my hormonal issues I had going on for years prior. If anything, the bio-identicals prevented this new cancer from being larger than it is.

And I intend to fight it just as I did the uterine cancer. I will survive.

How Did You Find Me?

I always find it interesting how you found my blog - that's why I installed a meter to tell me.

Here are some of the keyword analysis:

1. Doodling: 73 (doodling circles, interpreting doodles name writing, flowers, hearts, eyes, stars, arrows, triangles, squares, what fire symbolizes in doodles, doodling joined circles, spirals, why do people doodle different things, doodling my own name, what do doodles say about you, what does doodling eyes say about me, doodling colours in corners of page, straight lines, infrmation on people who draw squares and doodle, shapes, boxes, flowers, eyes, your name, doodling, doodling on notes, writing my name in a dootle, spirals, spirals that go to the right)
Are people really this interested in doodling? Please - I will not analyze your doodles so please stop asking me to. Do it yourself! Also please learn to spell - I have no idea what a dootle is or a dootie is. And why do you want to know what I doodle?

2. Esterhazy cake 9
I am really going to have to make this cake.

3. Dirtiest places 65 (to go, in homes, worst places for germs, in school, in your life, to vivit, spots in the office, dirtiest public places, dirtiest place, magazines, dirtiest places to eat lunch, for viruses, on a college campus)
Now why am I not surprised that people want to know the dirty places? And exactly what is a vivit? Oh and I don't talk about dirty magazines that I read.

4. How to Text 101: 6
Glad to see there are others who were interested in this - it was Greek to me although I am getting better. I just need a larger keypad so I can actually see the letters without my trifocals.

5. It isn't how many breaths you take but: 41
Now this is a great quote, isn't it?

6. Beef base recipe: 7 (beef stew with wine and beef base recipe, how to use a beef base recipe, how to make beef tips with beef base recipe)
I love this recipe too. Haven't had any comments on it - so did you like it too?

7. Thunderstorm grey tamko: 2
OK I had absolutely no ideea what this was so I googled it myself just to see where I said it. Who knows - maybe my husband is right and I do have a touch of alzheimers. So here is what google said: It is the name of my new roofing material and the manufacturer. Glad I got that settled and relieved to know I am not losing it - at least not on this.

8. Tennis shoes: 5 (odor teenager, how to sanitize leather shoes from athlete foot fungus, how to clean a smelly shoe from sweaty feet, dead cells left on shoes, sanitizing shoes)
Our patients are always surprised that their prior doctors never told them this. I was kinda surprised more people don't think about how they wash their bodies every day yet put their clean feet into dirty shoes and think nothing of it.

9. Ankle: 10 (when can I walk after getting 2 screws in my ankle after all ligaments are torn, syndesmotic screw cast,syndesmotic screw walked on it, ruptured ankle ligament walked on for a month, MRI with screws in foot, recovery time for having wire and screws removed from ankle, my ankle pink cast, soft ankle cast, my ankle cast surgery, syndesmosis what happens if the screw breaks)
Okay, I did not have syndesmotic screws inserted in my foot. I had a newer technique done by a doctor that is up to date on the latest procedures. I suggest you do the same. I also suggest you talk to your doctor and not rely on information gotten off the internet. If your doctor will not talk to you, then get another.

10. Bird: 5 (folklore meaning of dead bird on window sill, yellow bird on my window and what does it mean, aggressive warbler attaching window, yellow bird tapping on window, bird tapping on the window and entering the house)
The yellow bird constantly tapping on my window freaked me out too but not as much as what I found on the internet. I chose to use the positive interpretation.

11. Taking off work: 1
I really talked about this? I ask because I seldom do it. This weekend I was supposed to be visiting friends. I had to cancel because of inlaws. I do kinda take the day off but this means that although I don't physically go to work, I always do my work at home to keep caught up. Today so far I have done the weekly deposit, did the closeout of the year, typed the W-2's, did the year end tax forms, typed a list of the code changes for the new year, balanced 5 accounts, did 4 loads of laundry, cleaned one oven, did the dishes, took down the curtains in the whole bottom level and washed and dried them then rehung them, went through the week's mail and sorted it, sent BIL the updated list of medications MIL is now taking along with the new appointment dates for MIL and FIL, and started making pea soup. But I didn't work at the office.

12. Pranks: 4 (college tent pranks, youth pranks, on college boys, pranks for youth groups)
**snicker** This is funny because I know lots of pranks and had lots of fun doing them.

13. Gastroenteritis: 1 (bulldogs)
I can only think that I mentioned gastroenteritis in one post and my precious grandchildren who happen to be bulldogs in another. But kudos to spelling gastroenteritis correct!

14: Sexy angel food cake: 1
I am really hoping this had something to do with the Dessert Personality Test because I don't know that I really would consider angel food cake sexy. I can firmly attest that it does not turn me on.

15. How to pick a doctor: 1
Now more of you should read what I wrote because you obviously don't know how to pick a good one.

16. Husband likes to watch doctor examine me: 1
**snicker** I really said this? You are kinda into kink, aren't you?

17: Debra tate ifriends: 1
Kinda curious how you found my blog using those words unless you picked up the Tate word (who is a friend of mine). But what is an ifriend? Is that new lingo?

18. Ann Vremont: 1
One really terrific person and writer. I highly recommend any of her books!

19. Dessert Personality: 1
This was a fun test.

20: Neighbour crazy snow parking space: 1
**snort** I was the crazy neighbor but it wasn't about a parking space.

Received in Email Answering Here

1. Name something you use in the shower? Shampoo

2. Name something a football player wears under his uniform? Jock strap

3. Name something people hate to find on their windshield? A crack

4. Name something a man might buy before a date? Never ever had a man buy anything I know of before a date with me. I just cared if they were clean.

5. What is another word for blemish? skin imperfection

6. Something you cook in the microwave? I warm foods. Never cook in the micro.

7. Name a piece of furniture people need help moving? Baby Grand Piano

8. Name a reason a younger man might like an older woman? He's into cougars?

9. Name something a dog does that embarrasses its owner? Sniffs your crotch.

10. Name a kind of test you cannot study for? Pregnancy Test (I agree)

11. Name something a boy scout gets a badge for? Camping

12. Name a phrase with the word "home" in it? From my favorite person (Maxine): Home computers are the perfect thing for women who don't feel that men provide them with enough frustration.

13. Name a sport where players lose teeth? Hockey

14. Name something a teacher can do to ruin a student's day? I am calling your parents.

15. What is a way you can tell someone has been crying? Red eyes

16. Name a bird you wouldn't want to eat? Big Bird (Agreeing here again)

17. Name something a person wears even if it has a hole in it? Undies

18. Name something that gets smaller the more you use it? Roll of Toilet Paper (agreeing again)

Received in Email

and so totally appropiate for today!

It's winter in Illinois

And the gentle breezes blow

Seventy miles an hour

At twenty-five below.

Oh, how I love Illinois

When the snow's up to your butt

You take a breath of winter

And your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful

So I guess I'll hang around

I could never leave Illinois

I'm frozen to the stinkin' ground!

Hot Buns - Like or Dislike?

For those of you thinking I am talking about the above - you are wrong!

I am talking about seats in cars that have seat warmers giving you hot buns. I would say another word but have to keep this halfway PG here but you all know what I was going to say.

Now why on earth would someone want one? Why would someone (namely hubs) feel the need to turn mine on? (The seat warmer - keep the mind clean here - it's hard I know). My husband knows how much I hot flash. I love love love cold weather. I have taken to wearing a coat lately but it is -30 wind chills so a fleece light jacket isn't out of the normal. Tonight I got into the car. Not only does hubs have the heat in the car jacked up to 80 **gasp** but he put my sear warmer on too. His does not work. Does he think that it will magically turn his on? Well, it won't. And I for one, hate hot buns.

Ok, I feel you are all laughing your rears off here and I have to admit there are a lot of sexual innuendos and double meanings but I am being sincere....ok ok for once. Ok ok.....then again maybe not.

Chicago - Winter - Snow - Cold

All go together. In fact they should be on either the ACT or SAT tests in comparisons as they go hand in hand. Anyone from Chicago knows that during fall, winter, or spring, there is always what is called "Chicago Weather" meaning it will change by the hour.

This past Friday to Saturday we had 15 inches of snow where I live. Tonight a blizzard warning with whiteout conditions is in effect for late tonight through noon Tuesday. According the the lovely meteorologists the snow is supposed to start this afternoon (haven't seen any yet) and we are to get 2-5 inches today and tonight. Strong winds at 35mph are supposed to come with it (nary a wisp yet) and travel is to become dangerous. We are supposed to get another 2-5 inches overnight into tomorrow. Then arctic air is coming on its heels with temps going to -20 degrees. Chicagoans know if those temps rise again to the 20's expect snow and lots of it.

Ok, let's interpret this forecast. For those of us living in Chicago, our meteorologists are not known for their predictions. Last Friday and Saturday we were only supposed to get 2-5 inches period. We got 15. Temps were forecasted to warm up then get cold. Didn't get over 20 some (don't call that warm). Can't say for the cold yet as it hasn't appeared. Did you know that the Blizzard of 79 was initially predicted for 2 inches of snow? I seem to remember my Toyota Celicia totally buried in a parking lot and since I couldn't remember where exactly I had parked (all landmarks were buried in snow), hubs and I had to unbury each car to check the color before finding a copper brown one (mind you it had to be done by hand since we didn't know how far to go in with the shovel and didn't want to dent any car). We unburied it only to find out it wasn't mine. We unburied 10 cars before finding mine so I could get to work.

So, so much for any prediction for Chicago. I will wait and see. In the meantime, enjoy some pics I took from Friday and Saturday.

A forest preserve we passed on the way to inlaws.


I call this one - how high can snow be piled?


These are our bushes:


This is the birdfeeder in the middle of the yard at inlaws house. It stands 8 feet off the ground.

Caring for a Parent with Dementia

For quite a while now I have been relaying our struggles caring for a parent with dementia whose caretaker has been ill. It has been frustrating to watch their decline and although we have tried to help out (taking over major holiday meal preparation, going to doctor appointments with them, going to visit and giving respite care), it just wasn't enough. It all came to a head Monday, December 29th when we admitted hubs father for an altered mental state dementia with severe WWII flashbacks. He was in the hospital for a few days then was transferred to a psychiatric dementia lock down unit for medication and evaluation. We checked in an angry male who never raised his voice yet had hit his wife. We have been out there practically every day checking and visiting him to make sure he wasn't being turned into a drugged zombie. We have also had the medical issues with hubs mother who suffered 2 strokes during this ordeal. Life has not been dull.

After visiting over 30 some places in the past week, we settled on what we thought was best for dad - a small group home for dementia patients. It is located within a mile of his house and is the best idea I have ever come across. It was divine intervention that we found this place. It is a standard ranch home in a regular neighborhood. The only difference is there are 2 live-in caretakers and 5 dementia patients in the 4 bedroom home. The atmosphere is amazing. Calming music is played. Heavenly mouth watering home cooked food is made. The caretakers and owners have this magical calming attitude about them that just is passed on via osmosis.

During a snowstorm yesterday we had our family meeting at the dementia unit (amazingly the social worker that I had words with was not present and her supervisor had taken over FIL's case), then we took FIL's belongings and moved them into his 'new room' so when we transferred him today, he would feel like he had come home. I had made him a mural of family pictures with the names of the people in the pictures under them. Half the board was for the caretakers to write on the date. I had written in his name and today's date to start them off. I had also written on a piece of paper his name, his wife's name, his children's names, his grandchildren's names, and that all of us knew he was there and would visit him often. I had it laminated in plastic so he could carry it in his pocket so he had a constant reminder of all these things.

During another snowstorm today, we finally got him discharged a full 2 hours after we had planned and drove him to this new home. I have to stop a minute and say that the man we committed protesting with violent outbursts was a different man who walked out of there today. Did he still have dementia? Yes. That will not change but will only get worse. We know that and understand that. But he was back to his normal happy go lucky dementia self, asking us every 5 minutes the same questions over and over. Will he probably still drink after shave lotion thinking it is mouthwash? Yes unless he is watched closely.

The night we committed him, he was combative and hostile and we all walked out of the unit stunned and in tears. Little over a week later, there was an amazing difference in leaving him today. As soon as we walked through the doors of this group home, there were people who understood him and his care (aided of course by our 10 page questionnaire we had to answer of his likes and dislikes which I saw was closely read). Although the other residents had already eaten, the caretakers and owners had provided an amazing lunch for all 5 of us. They immediately enveloped FIL in the house and as we left 2 hours later to the mouth watering smells coming from the kitchen (Hungarian Goulash), FIL was sitting at the table, talking to 3 other male residents and playing cards in the only way dementia patients can, eating cookies and having a 'beer' (root beer but they swore it was Polish beer).

Next time I visit I swear I am tape recording their conversations. I had a hard time keeping a straight face and to not laugh totally out loud. Mind you none of them had any short term memory yet there were 3 males sitting at that table talking and playing cards discussing nothing yet having this amazing time. Not one single sentence uttered made any sense and the conversation was so disjointed one would admit themselves after listening to them after a few minutes. FIL just waved good bye to us, saying see you soon.

We drove MIL home and shoveled her driveway of the 8 inches she had gotten, then left to come home and shovel the 14 inches we got.

Pulling a Me

For those of you who know me, you know what I am talking about. For those uneducated, this is what is called 'Pulling a Me (insert my real name for the word me)'.

My brain is constantly turning and working. Things come out of my mouth sometimes without my knowing I said it out loud. I will pick up a conversation we might have had 10 minutes ago or a few days ago and finish said conversation without any preamble or cluing you into what I am talking about. That's how my mind works. I remember conversations and think of another point to make and just say it. You as the listener, just need to remember prior conversations to keep up with my brain.

I also have a tendency to say what I think. Sometimes this is good. Sometimes bad. Yesterday after 5 phone calls to the social worker assigned to my FIL's case and her calling the home phone instead of the cell phone number I gave her, I had come home to yet another message from her, this time stating that she had reserved a space at *** nursing home for him and he would be moved there Friday. I called back immediately (yes it was 11:00PM) and left her a message that we are not doing that and if she didn't call me back properly at the right phone number and provide the documents we have repeatedly asked for, that heads would fly. Seems I got her supervisor's answering machine instead of hers. A very good OOPS.

It's amazing how fast things work when you get your gluts chewed out by a supervisor. She called me this morning while I was driving out to inlaws in a snowstorm and icy roads. All I said was: "What part of calling me after 2PM CST did you not understand?" I then hung up. Promptly at 2PM I got a phone call. I was back at MIL's house, writing down a new medication list for her when I got the call. I had told MIL what this lady had been doing so as I answered my cell I flipped it on speaker phone so MIL could hear too.

Social worker: "We are transferring your FIL on Friday to ***."

Me: "Might I ask who gave you permission to do this without the family's consent?"

Social worker: "I gave you a list of nursing homes to put your FIL in. This was one of them."

Me: "You have not answered my question. Who gave you permission to transfer my FIL to this place?"

Social worker: "Well, I assumed you would want the closest place."

Me: "Have you ever visited the places you referred us to? When were your last visits to these places? And why did you only refer us to places that your employer owns?"

Social worker: "I visit the places quite frequently."

Me: "You have not answered any of my questions. I will give you one at a time since you seem incapable of answering 3 at the same time."

Social worker: "ummm"

Me interrupting: "First question - when was your last visit to ***?"

Social worker: "I try to visit them."

Me: "Wrong answer. When was the last time you visited ***?"

Social worker: "Well, it's been a while."

Me: "How long is 'it's been a while?"

Social worker: "ummm"

Me: "Well, we visited all of your places on the list which coincidentally were all the places your employer owns although there are over 40 other places within a 10 mile radius of the town my inlaws live. So next question is: Why did you not give us information on those places?"

Social worker: "ummmm"

Me: "Wrong answer. You are in violation of Illinois law. Consider yourself reported. Now as to the place you stated you are putting my FIL, I would not personally put a dog there. That place does not have the approval of the family who has power of attorney. It actually is currently in jeopardy of losing its Medicare license for filthy, unsanitary, and unsafe conditions. I do my homework and checked out each and every place on the state website."

Social worker: quiet - dead silence - in fact I had to ask if she was still there to which she replied yes.

Me: "Now, on to another of the points we had to discuss. I have repeatedly asked for my FIL's records. We have signed all HIPAA forms. We have a right to those records. You were to fax them to the number I gave you, yet my office informs me they have not received said fax yet. May I have a time you will be finally doing this?"

Social worker: "Oh I tried to fax that this morning but my fax machine said the phone number wasn't right."

Me: "Oh, really, how interesting! Would you please tell me the name and manufacturer of your fax machine since I need one to tell me things like that too. Mine only gives me a report that states that either the fax went through, the line was busy, or it was unable to receive a signal. But it is all in report format. Since yours talks, I would like to know the brand so I can get one too."

Social worker: "What is your fax number so I can clarify the number?"

Me: (Not playing her game since I gave said fax number 5 times now). "What number do you have?"

Social worker: "I can't seem to find it right now. I take care of a lot of patients."

Me: "So do I yet I can tell you where every patient's chart and information is at all times for 3 offices and the 10 doctors I do billing for and the 2 surgery centers I bill for too along with the 85 doctors I do consulting for. I might suggest an managerial organizational course. I am repeating the fax number again, it is ***-***-****."

Dead silence.

Me: "Did you get that now?"

Social worker: "Yes, thank you."

Me: "When we committed FIL, we were told that a family meeting would be scheduled to discuss the treatment done and the recommendations for further care. I would like this meeting to be Friday, January 9th at 2pm. I want the psychiatrist, you, and one of the therapists present at the meeting but I do not want my FIL present."

Social worker: "Well, you have given me short notice. I need more time."

Me: "You do not get any more time. FIL has been there since 12-31-08 now. The family meeting will be held in 3 days which is plenty of time since we have been waiting since 1-1-09 for this meeting to even be scheduled. Now, would you like me to call your supervisor to arrange this meeting?"

Social worker: "No, the meeting will be held as you requested."

Me: "Thank you. Now what time do you think the medical records and reports will be faxed to me or do I have to call the supervisor to get them?"

Social worker: "I will go and fax them immediately. I have been busy."

Me: "We all have been busy. Thank you. I expect to see those reports within the hour or your supervisor will be called. Thank you and I look forward to meeting you on Friday, January 9th at 2PM. Oh, and FIL will not be transferred anywhere on that day. The family will inform you of their decision of where he is going at the family meeting. He will be transferred on Saturday, January 10th. Please have all pertinent records and items available at the family meeting. Now you have yourself a nice day!"

That was my day along with taking MIL to her 1st speech therapist appointment and to her 1st neurologist appointment. We learned she had 2 strokes. One in the left lobe of the brain and one in the brain stem. Both were small but were warnings. The neurologist ordered more tests and I did get those scheduled for next Wednesday. MIL also picked a place we had seen last night - a group home atmosphere that specializes in dementia and Alzheimer's patients. I also scheduled Lifeline to be installed in her house, talked to her one neighbor who has taken it upon himself to arrange a neighborhood watch program for her twice a day, and scheduled an elder care lawyer visit on Friday for asset protection. I got FIL's VA application filled out and sent in, and I arranged for us to transfer a few of FIL's personal belongings to the group home on Friday evening so that when we transfer him there on Saturday during daylight (he's better during the day), he will walk into the place with some of his personal things already set up. I also had brought with me today a bulletin board and a dry erase melamine board. The bulletin board we will hang pictures on for him with our names underneath the picture. The melamine board to be used to put his name and the date on daily for a constant reminder for him who he is and what date it is.

I came home and cooked a full meatloaf, au gratin, and broccoli dinner. Now I have to get ready for an 7 hour seminar I am giving tomorrow.

Has anyone found extra time in a day yet?

A Mere 24 hours in my life

You all heard yesterday that we attended a wake last night for one of our neighbors. We then actually had a family Italian dinner which always amazes me every time it happens with all of our busy schedules.

Today brought work as usual along with trying to set up appointments to see more nursing homes, doctor appointments for myself and my MIL. Then got a phone call from MIL that almost made me race out there. Instead I emailed BIL and had him call her to see what he thought. For me she was highly agitated and anxious. For him she was pissed that he called while she was washing her hair. This evening she told me that she had last washed her hair for Thanksgiving. OK now.......is this an old person thang? Is this why they have what I call that 'old people odor'? OMG I can't imagine not washing my hair every day. Doesn't every one's hair look like mine in the morning which looks like the cat in the picture above? Well, mine does and it isn't pretty. I can't even fathom not washing it for over a month...yuck yuck yuck.

I digress.....after work we once again headed to inlaws. We picked up MIL and went to visit 2 different dementia residential places. Both pretty nice but I am telling you - save your pennies - they are running around $4500 per month and there is no insurance that covers it. It's called open thy pocket books. I swear I just paid off the kids college and wedding. Why are these called the golden years if I don't get gold?

We then went to visit FIL who is still in a lockdown unit, still being evaluated. Tonight's topic of conversation was all about WWII and one of the battles in Anzio in Italy. It was in this battle that his entire platoon of 200 was killed except for 9 people, one of which was my FIL. He got quite agitated just talking about it so we cut our visit short as it was really upsetting MIL. When we got ready to leave, FIL started bawling and hanging onto MIL. We finally departed and MIL turns to me and says: "How can I not bring him home?"

Good question and not an easy answer. I remembered that we were there 30 minutes and the entire time we were there he repeated 8 questions every 3-4 minutes. We would give him the same answers. He didn't remember one and would instead ask again. So I started asking her the same questions, mimicking him. After 10 minutes when she was getting pissed at me for not answering her properly, I told her - "that was why, only it would be 24/7 again. Do you really think you can handle that? You couldn't handle the 30 minutes we were there. You couldn't handle me doing it for 10 minutes. There was a time in your life that you had to say good bye to your sons and drop them off at college. You were upset then but you got over it and the boys grew up. In this case, you have to look at what is better for you and him. For you is to get rest and recover from your own stroke. For him is to be in a controlled environment with people equipped to handle his problems."

For any of you who have found the golden years......please give me directions.

My Week and Last Few Months

After this past week I firmly believe in Mental Health Days!

Just like everyone else, the period between Thanksgiving and Christmas is stress laden for anyone but especially women. Mine actually started in August when MIL had her pacemaker surgery. September brought my husband being diagnosed with prostate cancer. The October had us searching for the best treatment methods for him. He had a total prostatectomy done by the DaVinci robot on November 19th. He was able to go back to work the 1st of December but developed an infection later that week so was off for a few more days. The infection cleared but his lifting restrictions remained.

In November we also found out FIL had very high calcium levels which led to a diagnosis of hyperparathyroidism. So 90 year old FIL had surgery December 10th and they removed a walnut sized parathyroid. He was hospitalized overnight. His confusion remained but his energy level slowly returned to a level that we haven't seen in him in quite a while. He had gotten to the point he had been sleeping most of the day and night but by Christmas he wasn't sleeping at all which was hard on his caretaker (MIL).

Of course, like everyone else, we had shopping, etc to get done. Daughter decorated our house for us and I combined lists to shop at the fewest number of stores possible. I missed my package carrier (hubs) since he was still on a weight restriction but managed. I cooked Thanksgiving dinner here for inlaws, Christmas eve dinner at inlaws house, Christmas Day here for our family, then Christmas dinner for my side of the family (50) the Sunday after Christmas. In between we worked.

Monday the 29th as we were closing the office for the day, we got a phone call from BIL who stated that MIL's speech was slurred. Since he was over 2 hours away he wondered if we could go check them out. I grabbed a blood pressure cuff from the office and we headed to their house (over 45 min away). We got there and found both highly agitated. We sat both down to do assessments and I took their blood pressure and checked their neurologicals. Both passed but as we were sitting talking to them we learned that FIL has not been sleeping and has become highly combative and aggressive, which was a change or called an altered mental status, while MIL's speech was garbled like she was talking with a bunch of marbles in her mouth. We loaded both into our car and took them to the ER. We were there from 5pm to 2am with FIL being admitted with changes shown on his CT scan of the brain. MIL was still in an agitated state but her neurologicals were fine and she kept saying all she needed was sleep. So after having her checked out too we took her home. BIL went out there the next day and got their doctor to run tests on MIL too since her sleeping did not improve her agitation and speech. They found she had a stroke too, only what is called an aphasia stroke and not a motor stroke. She was allowed to go back home. Thus began the daily visits along with working.

In the meantime, hubs had his 6 week followup appointment with his urologist and got the all clear with no signs of cancer seen so no treatment would be needed at least for another 4 months. Hubs and I had MRI's scheduled on New Year's Eve - mine: breast and a CT scan on my still hurting ankle, and his for a check on the acoustic neuroma (removed 1996) and spinal tumor (removed 1985). We then left and went to inlaws and discharged FIL from the hospital and followed the ambulance and commited him to a locked psychiatric facility to assess his dementia and aggressiveness. By the time we got home, hubs and I looked at each other, ordered a pizza and just collapsed on the couch. We were asleep shortly after the new year.

The rest of the week has been spent driving MIL to see FIL and taking MIL around and checking out different places for him to be discharged to after this evaluation. Of course MIL doesn't like any of them but it is no longer safe for them to be together and she won't hear of both of them going into assisted living together. She will be seeing a neurologist this coming week (none were available during the holiday) so she might be forced into assisted living herself.

To top the week off, my CT scan of the ankle from hell showed more bone chips which means I need another surgery. My breast MRI showed a suspicious probable cancerous area so I will be getting a biopsy done as soon as I can get it scheduled. Hubs went to the hospital today and got the radiologist who read my MRI to show him where the 3x3cm lump was because neither of us could feel it. The radiologist said that was a good sign that we couldn't feel it yet. Doctor's appointment for that will come this coming week when the office reopens after the holiday.

I realize this post is pretty depressing but since I needed a Mental Health Day I took Friday where I didn't get out of my robe or PJ's the entire day. I am actually feeling much better, hence my ability to even post at all.

Today we went to church and are going to take MIL to visit FIL and then go to see another 2 facilities, then going to our neighbor's wake. She passed New Year's Eve.

Somehow I feel and know everything is going to be okay so bear with me.

Happy New Year!

Here's hoping your new year is going to be better than mine. I won't be here as often anymore. I just don't have the time especially in light of some recent developments and family developments. 2008 went out with a bang for hubs and I and 2009 is looking worse. See ya when I can.