Acute Pancreatitis

I am not going to say I am updating again. Everything continues. Updating means something is new.

I am slowly getting better with the word SLOW as the operative word. I am now down 40 pounds. I can tolerate jello, banana, and chicken noodle soup and sometimes a cracker or two. I have acute pancreatitis caused from a medication reaction which shut down my pancreas. I went almost 2 and a half months nothing by mouth except water. I have been slowly adding the above to get to last week. I tried to skip a few steps while keeping to a non-fat diet but my body said nope not going to let you do that. I tried a grilled turkey - nope. Tried regular potato - nope. Tried non-fat yogurt - nope. Tried a roast cooked in the pressure cooker with steamed potatoes and carrots - nope.

So far have tolerated steamed or grilled chicken breast (1 ounce max), 3 slices of steamed sweet potato, and a handful of either Italian green beans, carrots, or asparagus (all steamed of course with no seasoning or condiments). Just plain old steamed food like the plate above shows. So far have coasted with that once a day and the other the rest of the day. Oh and I added CBD oil to my diet - it has been amazing to be able to think and function again without pain and nausea.

Now don't get me wrong. The good thing of all this is I am losing weight without even trying. And that plate above? Looks amazing to me. Totally filling too! Times are a'changin'

Updating - 2 months later

Everything is still ongoing from April.

New items to add to the list:

Son-in-law is slowly disrupting relationships between her parents (us) and our daughter and grand-daughter. I firmly believe he is narcissistic.

Son-in-law's mother is even more narcissistic than her son is.

Being sick sucks. It sucks donkey balls. I haven't felt good since December. It is getting worse. One week ago it got a lot worse. I am down 15 pounds and although I know why, I can't stop the nausea or vomiting.

Doctors suck donkey balls too. Except my husband. Okay sometimes he does.

People suck donkey balls.

Definitely need to change my life and replace all the negativity to more positive people and things and life and thoughts.

Out with the old and on to the new!

Updating once again

It's been 4 months since I published anything here. That doesn't mean my life has become so exciting and busy that I haven't had time.

It also doesn't mean I don't have things to say because I do.

It's more how to say what needs to be said and yet still have a daughter and granddaughter.

It's more how to deal with a son-in-law who is slowly killing my daughter and granddaughter.

It's more on how to cope with an overbearing foul mouthed woman who married my father and thinks her input is needed for anything and everything.

It's more on turning 65 and yet I still allow others to dictate what I do when.

I am still growing up. There are days my life totally sucks. There are days my life is totally fulfilling. I need to find a way to have more of the fulfilling days and not the ones that suck.

I will write more. I need the outlet.

Christmas Holidays - Crapelletti - Bah Humbug

So nothing has changed. As soon as daughter got engaged, her husband and his mother have taken over. Our tradition of spending Easter and Mother's Day with my parents was rudely turned into a "Surprise Engagement Party" for her son and our daughter and his mother invited their entire family and gifts were brought and hubby and I were expected to pay for it all. Hubby put his foot down to daughter and forced his parents to pay for their side. But his sister showed up almost 2 hours late sending my father into a hissy fit. Lovely time.

It didn't end there. MOG wore white to the wedding and showed up 10 minutes late. Still didn't end there. Soon all holidays were spent at his mother's house. All holidays are controlled by him and his mother - food, etc. Our tradition of Cappelletti with hubby's side of the family is nicknamed "crapelletti" and he wants no part in making or eating them. Instead he would rather have dinners, etc that are catered or take out or cranberry sauce from a can. Soooooo different than how either hubby or I or our kids were raised.

Once our daughter got pregnant, it was his mother that spent the entire day at the hospital with her son and our daughter when she went into labor. It was his mother who got to see our only grandchild and daughter first. We were totally forgotten about until daughter was already having a c-section. THEN we were called and told. The baptism party was at her house. My side of the family was made to feel like outsiders. Supposedly my grandchild was to wear what my great-grandmother made for my grandmother which she wore when she was baptized, what my mother wore when she was baptized, what I wore when I was baptized, and what daughter wore when she was baptized. I have no pictures of granddaughter in that dress. I swear she wasn't allowed to wear it otherwise why isn't there a picture of it?

All holidays are his mothers. She retired and took care of granddaughter while daughter worked. We got a few hours maybe once a week or month. We still forged a relationship with our granddaughter. That is, until they moved to Colorado.

Yes, son-in-law moved our daughter and granddaughter to CO to be near whose friends? Not daughter's but his. Daughter has no friends out there. In order to move, she has to change jobs from one she loved to one she hates. In fact she hates it so much that she has developed an ulcer from trying to please him. Now they have been there since the beginning of August. His mother has been out there to visit 3 times. We went out once. They came home for Thanksgiving. They stayed at his mother's house where his mother got to see grandchild for all 10 days. How much time were we allowed? 2 hours on 2 different evenings and then we were forced to change out Thanksgiving plans to spend it at his mother's house. Conveniently family pictures were taken AFTER we left. Then there was a family wedding.

When we were out in CO, we took a full extra suitcase filled with granddaughter's fairy garden. I have another suitcase of things to take but we forgot it. Son-in-law refuses for us to bring it to her or send it. He stated bluntly it would go in the garbage. I flipped back at him that if he really couldn't tolerate anything from us for his child to send it back to us, that we spent over a couple of grand on that and his daughter hand picked out everything with us. He shut up then. Still not allowed to send anything out.

So today I find out his mother was given a ticket to fly to CO and watch grandchild for New Year's Eve for a week so they can go out and take a mini vacation. It is already bad enough that granddaughter asks us why we don't call every other day (we are relegated to calls every 3-4 weeks) and her "real" grandmother loves her more and says so. And she does. After one of her kids says I love you to her, she says I love you more. So to granddaughter that grandmother loves her more. She buys her more, she visits more, she calls her more, and she is told she loves her more.

We are chopped liver.

Oh then the topper of it all? My father and his wife had their Christmas last Saturday. It was planned for a work day for us so we were an hour late. Do you think anyone would save us some food? Nope, Dressing that was horrible and a dried out piece of turkey was all that was left. We left and went to our favorite chicken takeout place. Oh and did I mention that one of my sisters kindly shared the flu with us?

So is this what "empty nesting" is all about? I thought when a daughter married you gained a son. I didn't. I lost a daughter and my only grandchild. His mother has 3 other grandchildren but she feels a competition with me over my only one.

Yes, I am angry, upset, and know I should be grateful. But I am facing a bilateral mastectomy and I need my daughter that is gone.

Thank goodness I have my husband, my son, and God.

Child and Grandchild Move Across the Country

I haven't posted in over a year. It has been a very busy year. A couple of months ago our oldest child and her husband decided to move their family to over 1000 miles away. At that time, granddaughter and I began making plans to build her a fairy garden she and I had seen on one of our adventures. Husband and I are not rich in any way, shape, or form and fairy gardens are not cheap. So granddaughter and I started picking out what kind of fairy garden she wanted and the things she wanted in it. Slowly but surely, I was able to obtain and take delivery on it all.

The past 2 weeks daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter have been living at son-in-law's mother's house but they allowed our grand-dog to spend the entire time with us with only 1 visit scheduled with granddaughter. Grand-dog has spent time with us before when they went on vacations and he does love spending time with us. He has spent most of his life with us on and off so he is very used to our lifestyle and snuggling and playing with us.

A week ago I get an evite to a going away party being held in honor of my daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter being given at son-in-law's mother's home where they have been living. Since we had 2 family reunions that same weekend and she is known to schedule things without permission of the kids, I called her to see if the kids knew about this. She said yes and were helping plan it but it was only going to be immediate families only. Yeah nope - didn't happen. Should have put money on that one - very easy bet. She is known to go way overboard and yesterday's party was a perfect example. It went from immediate family only to about 50 people (all friends or relatives of theirs). I almost didn't go but it would be the last time I got to see my grandchild. So I went.

So back to the fairy garden - everything has been in for over 2 weeks and I have been trying to get daughter to commit to a date I could have granddaughter for a few hours to put it all together. All I was asking for was a mere 3-4 hours. Yesterday when arranging time today with son-in-law's mother, son-in-law said not one thing more is going in his car and definitely not a fairy garden.

So here I sit with all the fixings for the fairy garden. I have no idea what to say to granddaughter on why she can't take it with her - I can't very well tell her that her father is a douche. So I said well, I can do it when I watch her when you come back for daughter's best friend's wedding. Ummm well I learned plans changed and they never told me. I am no longer watching granddaughter for the wedding since they decided to not bring her. Instead they are flying the other grandmother out to their new house to watch granddaughter and grand-dog. Glad I asked. Glad to know that I no longer had to save my own anniversary weekend for something I was not going to be able to do and this was decided 2 weeks ago and no one bothered telling me.

Truthfully I wanted to just ship it all out to granddaughter and let her put it all together but I can't - this was something we were going to share together. I want us to do it together. I have tickets scheduled for a visit in October. I guess I can lug everything out there and do it then. But again. What do I tell granddaughter who knows we were supposed to do it today? Oops - you can put it together but then not touch it again for over 3 months? Who would do that to a child? I can't.

Hopefully I get to see them before they leave. Knowing son-in-law, he will come get grand-dog at 6:00am and leave without us even knowing. The only time I have ever been away from my daughter is when she went to college or got married and moved in with her husband but they were only 30 minutes away. Did we ever encroach on their time or show up uninvited? Nope. Had that done to me by my inlaws so would never ever do it to my own kids.

Meanwhile, I pray granddaughter never finds out the type of person her father really is and that my daughter wakes up and realizes him for what he is doing to her and their daughter. He is moving them to an area where only his friends are and none of daughter's. I can only hope and pray they survive.

How Not To Be Father of the Year

If anyone actually reads this blog they know I have problems with my family. Pretty much always have and understand I always will. I also recognize that my mother kept us together acting like a family and when she died that died with her.

I have always been the scapegoat of the family, the black sheep, the one who chose to be who I am and not who they want me to be. I am a person with my own ideas and values. I do not believe in going to a family function where I am not invited. Maybe that is old fashioned but when I only find out about the function after it has happened, you will not get a gift. Don't expect one.

As I said. I understand who I am and I accept who I am. My siblings and I are divided. I accept that. There are 6 of us. Two of us )my baby sister and I) get along great. My brother and 2 of my sisters get along and hang together and dictate everything from what we are eating when we get together to when we get together to who gets invited, etc. The middle sister alternates between the 2 groups trying to be the peacemaker. My father is of no use even though he is remarried. The woman who married my father never had children so she has absolutely no clue but tends to side with the one group (not my baby sis or me).

My father gets on my case if I haven't been to a family function even though I might not have ever known about it. I can tell him that but I am a liar because he has been told I was notified or invited. Last week I walked into my granddaughter's 4th birthday party and he and his wife were there. They were at the end of a long picnic table so it took me a while to reach it. According to him that was wrong because I should have acknowledged him first. Tough.

I was invited to go to lunch with my father and his wife and 2 of my sisters for Father's Day. Well, I have always given the honor of choosing what we do to my husband. He chose instead to go for a final walk through of his parent's house with his brother and his mother then visit his father's grave then we would come home and have dinner. We had a great day doing this although it was a little sad for him to say good-by to the house he spent almost 21 years in and his father built. At the end of the evening, I called my father to wish him a Happy Father's Day. Not even saying thank you, he immediately launched into me for not attending his lunch and then proceeded to tell me that I looked like I had gained 100 pounds. Well, I haven't, I wore a top that day that I have been unable to wear for over 2 years. I was kind of proud of that. I stated I had not gained any weight but had been losing but it really wasn't any of his business. I went on to say that it might look like I have since I was growing my hair out so the length is currently almost shoulder length so tends to fatten the face instead of being short and above my ears. Oh he wasn't finished. He went on to say I haven't colored my hair and it looked like shit. I told him that I was 63 and therefore have gray and white sprinkled with brown and blonde and that I have not ever colored my hair. What he might have seen was our well water was filled with a lot of rust from iron pipes 400 some feet down. We replaced the iron with PVC over 2 years ago so I no longer have mineral or rust buildup in my hair. He said I was lying.

I said well, birth father, Happy Father's Day!

I then went to attend to a real father - my husband!

Family Gift Exchanges

I don't know how other families work it but in our family there is a family gift exchange. We used to separate the kids from the adults. Let me note here there are 44 in the family now. The original 6 of us siblings plus 5 spouses. Then there is my father and his wife. Next is 23 grandkids with their spouses, and finally the 8 great grandkids. Quite a group now.

We only see each other twice a year - once at Christmas and the other mid-summer for a weekend. Back to Christmas. So as I said before we used to separate the kids from the adults and had 2 exchanges until the number of adults exceeded the number of kids under 18 so we decided to put all the names into a hat and do a total exchange. When my mother was alive she handled this and our limit was set at $25.00. Yes one could go over by a little but no more than $5.00 max. If you found a bargain and the price ended up to be $15 instead of $25.00 that was fine as long as the price of the gift was $25.00.

My mother passed away in 2010. Much has changed. I wanted to keep it the same price because I felt this was a 'side' gift and should never trump what was spent by either a parent or grandparent. Nope, didn't have a say in this! Actually it was voted on without my knowledge. I didn't approve. I had seen gift prices creeping up over the years and the problem was the kids were excited to get certain people's names but not mine because I spent what was pre-determined. Then I noticed a pattern. Gift prices were up to $50-$100 and the same people got the same people. With 44 of us, how is that possible to continuously get the same people without cheating. Once I drew a 10 year old's name and she went to her mother and I ended up with who her mother had and the kid got one of the people who spends the $100.00.

Now I spend a max of $100 per child and our grandchild. Period. I don't feel the gift giving/opening presents should encompass an all day thing and in our family it does. Each person opens their present in age order and we all ohhh and ahhhh over it then it is on to the next person. Do that 44 times and you have added 4 hours to the day. Now add a full turkey and ham dinner and dishes and prep and you have another 4 hours. Way too long to have any time to interact between other members of the family that live in other states.

I am so tired of the crap going on in the family that I had already taken my name out of the drawing. My sister and her family did too. Part of her family made it to dinner. Our daughter went but the rest of us were all sick with the flu so we didn't go. Have no idea what went on but guess the person who married my father basically said she didn't want his kids in HER house anymore. Ummm.....she lives there since she is married to my father. But that house is already in trust to us kids. It is not her house. I heard she changed locks (my dad didn't even know about it and was pissed when he found out).

But I think we are retiring to Colorado and never coming back after my husband's mother passes. There is nothing here left for me anymore. Even our kids want to move there. Gift exchanges? Nope not doing it.