Pulling a Me

For those of you who know me, you know what I am talking about. For those uneducated, this is what is called 'Pulling a Me (insert my real name for the word me)'.

My brain is constantly turning and working. Things come out of my mouth sometimes without my knowing I said it out loud. I will pick up a conversation we might have had 10 minutes ago or a few days ago and finish said conversation without any preamble or cluing you into what I am talking about. That's how my mind works. I remember conversations and think of another point to make and just say it. You as the listener, just need to remember prior conversations to keep up with my brain.

I also have a tendency to say what I think. Sometimes this is good. Sometimes bad. Yesterday after 5 phone calls to the social worker assigned to my FIL's case and her calling the home phone instead of the cell phone number I gave her, I had come home to yet another message from her, this time stating that she had reserved a space at *** nursing home for him and he would be moved there Friday. I called back immediately (yes it was 11:00PM) and left her a message that we are not doing that and if she didn't call me back properly at the right phone number and provide the documents we have repeatedly asked for, that heads would fly. Seems I got her supervisor's answering machine instead of hers. A very good OOPS.

It's amazing how fast things work when you get your gluts chewed out by a supervisor. She called me this morning while I was driving out to inlaws in a snowstorm and icy roads. All I said was: "What part of calling me after 2PM CST did you not understand?" I then hung up. Promptly at 2PM I got a phone call. I was back at MIL's house, writing down a new medication list for her when I got the call. I had told MIL what this lady had been doing so as I answered my cell I flipped it on speaker phone so MIL could hear too.

Social worker: "We are transferring your FIL on Friday to ***."

Me: "Might I ask who gave you permission to do this without the family's consent?"

Social worker: "I gave you a list of nursing homes to put your FIL in. This was one of them."

Me: "You have not answered my question. Who gave you permission to transfer my FIL to this place?"

Social worker: "Well, I assumed you would want the closest place."

Me: "Have you ever visited the places you referred us to? When were your last visits to these places? And why did you only refer us to places that your employer owns?"

Social worker: "I visit the places quite frequently."

Me: "You have not answered any of my questions. I will give you one at a time since you seem incapable of answering 3 at the same time."

Social worker: "ummm"

Me interrupting: "First question - when was your last visit to ***?"

Social worker: "I try to visit them."

Me: "Wrong answer. When was the last time you visited ***?"

Social worker: "Well, it's been a while."

Me: "How long is 'it's been a while?"

Social worker: "ummm"

Me: "Well, we visited all of your places on the list which coincidentally were all the places your employer owns although there are over 40 other places within a 10 mile radius of the town my inlaws live. So next question is: Why did you not give us information on those places?"

Social worker: "ummmm"

Me: "Wrong answer. You are in violation of Illinois law. Consider yourself reported. Now as to the place you stated you are putting my FIL, I would not personally put a dog there. That place does not have the approval of the family who has power of attorney. It actually is currently in jeopardy of losing its Medicare license for filthy, unsanitary, and unsafe conditions. I do my homework and checked out each and every place on the state website."

Social worker: quiet - dead silence - in fact I had to ask if she was still there to which she replied yes.

Me: "Now, on to another of the points we had to discuss. I have repeatedly asked for my FIL's records. We have signed all HIPAA forms. We have a right to those records. You were to fax them to the number I gave you, yet my office informs me they have not received said fax yet. May I have a time you will be finally doing this?"

Social worker: "Oh I tried to fax that this morning but my fax machine said the phone number wasn't right."

Me: "Oh, really, how interesting! Would you please tell me the name and manufacturer of your fax machine since I need one to tell me things like that too. Mine only gives me a report that states that either the fax went through, the line was busy, or it was unable to receive a signal. But it is all in report format. Since yours talks, I would like to know the brand so I can get one too."

Social worker: "What is your fax number so I can clarify the number?"

Me: (Not playing her game since I gave said fax number 5 times now). "What number do you have?"

Social worker: "I can't seem to find it right now. I take care of a lot of patients."

Me: "So do I yet I can tell you where every patient's chart and information is at all times for 3 offices and the 10 doctors I do billing for and the 2 surgery centers I bill for too along with the 85 doctors I do consulting for. I might suggest an managerial organizational course. I am repeating the fax number again, it is ***-***-****."

Dead silence.

Me: "Did you get that now?"

Social worker: "Yes, thank you."

Me: "When we committed FIL, we were told that a family meeting would be scheduled to discuss the treatment done and the recommendations for further care. I would like this meeting to be Friday, January 9th at 2pm. I want the psychiatrist, you, and one of the therapists present at the meeting but I do not want my FIL present."

Social worker: "Well, you have given me short notice. I need more time."

Me: "You do not get any more time. FIL has been there since 12-31-08 now. The family meeting will be held in 3 days which is plenty of time since we have been waiting since 1-1-09 for this meeting to even be scheduled. Now, would you like me to call your supervisor to arrange this meeting?"

Social worker: "No, the meeting will be held as you requested."

Me: "Thank you. Now what time do you think the medical records and reports will be faxed to me or do I have to call the supervisor to get them?"

Social worker: "I will go and fax them immediately. I have been busy."

Me: "We all have been busy. Thank you. I expect to see those reports within the hour or your supervisor will be called. Thank you and I look forward to meeting you on Friday, January 9th at 2PM. Oh, and FIL will not be transferred anywhere on that day. The family will inform you of their decision of where he is going at the family meeting. He will be transferred on Saturday, January 10th. Please have all pertinent records and items available at the family meeting. Now you have yourself a nice day!"

That was my day along with taking MIL to her 1st speech therapist appointment and to her 1st neurologist appointment. We learned she had 2 strokes. One in the left lobe of the brain and one in the brain stem. Both were small but were warnings. The neurologist ordered more tests and I did get those scheduled for next Wednesday. MIL also picked a place we had seen last night - a group home atmosphere that specializes in dementia and Alzheimer's patients. I also scheduled Lifeline to be installed in her house, talked to her one neighbor who has taken it upon himself to arrange a neighborhood watch program for her twice a day, and scheduled an elder care lawyer visit on Friday for asset protection. I got FIL's VA application filled out and sent in, and I arranged for us to transfer a few of FIL's personal belongings to the group home on Friday evening so that when we transfer him there on Saturday during daylight (he's better during the day), he will walk into the place with some of his personal things already set up. I also had brought with me today a bulletin board and a dry erase melamine board. The bulletin board we will hang pictures on for him with our names underneath the picture. The melamine board to be used to put his name and the date on daily for a constant reminder for him who he is and what date it is.

I came home and cooked a full meatloaf, au gratin, and broccoli dinner. Now I have to get ready for an 7 hour seminar I am giving tomorrow.

Has anyone found extra time in a day yet?

A Mere 24 hours in my life

You all heard yesterday that we attended a wake last night for one of our neighbors. We then actually had a family Italian dinner which always amazes me every time it happens with all of our busy schedules.

Today brought work as usual along with trying to set up appointments to see more nursing homes, doctor appointments for myself and my MIL. Then got a phone call from MIL that almost made me race out there. Instead I emailed BIL and had him call her to see what he thought. For me she was highly agitated and anxious. For him she was pissed that he called while she was washing her hair. This evening she told me that she had last washed her hair for Thanksgiving. OK now.......is this an old person thang? Is this why they have what I call that 'old people odor'? OMG I can't imagine not washing my hair every day. Doesn't every one's hair look like mine in the morning which looks like the cat in the picture above? Well, mine does and it isn't pretty. I can't even fathom not washing it for over a month...yuck yuck yuck.

I digress.....after work we once again headed to inlaws. We picked up MIL and went to visit 2 different dementia residential places. Both pretty nice but I am telling you - save your pennies - they are running around $4500 per month and there is no insurance that covers it. It's called open thy pocket books. I swear I just paid off the kids college and wedding. Why are these called the golden years if I don't get gold?

We then went to visit FIL who is still in a lockdown unit, still being evaluated. Tonight's topic of conversation was all about WWII and one of the battles in Anzio in Italy. It was in this battle that his entire platoon of 200 was killed except for 9 people, one of which was my FIL. He got quite agitated just talking about it so we cut our visit short as it was really upsetting MIL. When we got ready to leave, FIL started bawling and hanging onto MIL. We finally departed and MIL turns to me and says: "How can I not bring him home?"

Good question and not an easy answer. I remembered that we were there 30 minutes and the entire time we were there he repeated 8 questions every 3-4 minutes. We would give him the same answers. He didn't remember one and would instead ask again. So I started asking her the same questions, mimicking him. After 10 minutes when she was getting pissed at me for not answering her properly, I told her - "that was why, only it would be 24/7 again. Do you really think you can handle that? You couldn't handle the 30 minutes we were there. You couldn't handle me doing it for 10 minutes. There was a time in your life that you had to say good bye to your sons and drop them off at college. You were upset then but you got over it and the boys grew up. In this case, you have to look at what is better for you and him. For you is to get rest and recover from your own stroke. For him is to be in a controlled environment with people equipped to handle his problems."

For any of you who have found the golden years......please give me directions.

My Week and Last Few Months

After this past week I firmly believe in Mental Health Days!

Just like everyone else, the period between Thanksgiving and Christmas is stress laden for anyone but especially women. Mine actually started in August when MIL had her pacemaker surgery. September brought my husband being diagnosed with prostate cancer. The October had us searching for the best treatment methods for him. He had a total prostatectomy done by the DaVinci robot on November 19th. He was able to go back to work the 1st of December but developed an infection later that week so was off for a few more days. The infection cleared but his lifting restrictions remained.

In November we also found out FIL had very high calcium levels which led to a diagnosis of hyperparathyroidism. So 90 year old FIL had surgery December 10th and they removed a walnut sized parathyroid. He was hospitalized overnight. His confusion remained but his energy level slowly returned to a level that we haven't seen in him in quite a while. He had gotten to the point he had been sleeping most of the day and night but by Christmas he wasn't sleeping at all which was hard on his caretaker (MIL).

Of course, like everyone else, we had shopping, etc to get done. Daughter decorated our house for us and I combined lists to shop at the fewest number of stores possible. I missed my package carrier (hubs) since he was still on a weight restriction but managed. I cooked Thanksgiving dinner here for inlaws, Christmas eve dinner at inlaws house, Christmas Day here for our family, then Christmas dinner for my side of the family (50) the Sunday after Christmas. In between we worked.

Monday the 29th as we were closing the office for the day, we got a phone call from BIL who stated that MIL's speech was slurred. Since he was over 2 hours away he wondered if we could go check them out. I grabbed a blood pressure cuff from the office and we headed to their house (over 45 min away). We got there and found both highly agitated. We sat both down to do assessments and I took their blood pressure and checked their neurologicals. Both passed but as we were sitting talking to them we learned that FIL has not been sleeping and has become highly combative and aggressive, which was a change or called an altered mental status, while MIL's speech was garbled like she was talking with a bunch of marbles in her mouth. We loaded both into our car and took them to the ER. We were there from 5pm to 2am with FIL being admitted with changes shown on his CT scan of the brain. MIL was still in an agitated state but her neurologicals were fine and she kept saying all she needed was sleep. So after having her checked out too we took her home. BIL went out there the next day and got their doctor to run tests on MIL too since her sleeping did not improve her agitation and speech. They found she had a stroke too, only what is called an aphasia stroke and not a motor stroke. She was allowed to go back home. Thus began the daily visits along with working.

In the meantime, hubs had his 6 week followup appointment with his urologist and got the all clear with no signs of cancer seen so no treatment would be needed at least for another 4 months. Hubs and I had MRI's scheduled on New Year's Eve - mine: breast and a CT scan on my still hurting ankle, and his for a check on the acoustic neuroma (removed 1996) and spinal tumor (removed 1985). We then left and went to inlaws and discharged FIL from the hospital and followed the ambulance and commited him to a locked psychiatric facility to assess his dementia and aggressiveness. By the time we got home, hubs and I looked at each other, ordered a pizza and just collapsed on the couch. We were asleep shortly after the new year.

The rest of the week has been spent driving MIL to see FIL and taking MIL around and checking out different places for him to be discharged to after this evaluation. Of course MIL doesn't like any of them but it is no longer safe for them to be together and she won't hear of both of them going into assisted living together. She will be seeing a neurologist this coming week (none were available during the holiday) so she might be forced into assisted living herself.

To top the week off, my CT scan of the ankle from hell showed more bone chips which means I need another surgery. My breast MRI showed a suspicious probable cancerous area so I will be getting a biopsy done as soon as I can get it scheduled. Hubs went to the hospital today and got the radiologist who read my MRI to show him where the 3x3cm lump was because neither of us could feel it. The radiologist said that was a good sign that we couldn't feel it yet. Doctor's appointment for that will come this coming week when the office reopens after the holiday.

I realize this post is pretty depressing but since I needed a Mental Health Day I took Friday where I didn't get out of my robe or PJ's the entire day. I am actually feeling much better, hence my ability to even post at all.

Today we went to church and are going to take MIL to visit FIL and then go to see another 2 facilities, then going to our neighbor's wake. She passed New Year's Eve.

Somehow I feel and know everything is going to be okay so bear with me.

Happy New Year!

Here's hoping your new year is going to be better than mine. I won't be here as often anymore. I just don't have the time especially in light of some recent developments and family developments. 2008 went out with a bang for hubs and I and 2009 is looking worse. See ya when I can.

My Wish List

I think I did this before but don't have time to go back and check and anyway since I am a woman. I have the right to change my mind and my wish list.

My revised wish list is based on the following:
1. My MIL won't call and cancel Christmas because she is a passive aggressive and feels the need to play martyr every few hours.

2. My inlaws are put into assisted living so I don't have to worry about them. They were both outside removing the 8 inches of snow they got yesterday and slipped and neither could get each other up so a neighbor saw them and came over. Neither were hurt. But that could change today when I see them. Did MIL have the cell phone on her? Nope. It was in the house once again. Do they have to worry about snow removal? No - I hired a service to take care of it. Why were they outside doing it? They wanted their mail. I.Have.No.Words.For.Them.Anymore.Except.Please.Feel.Free.To.Shoot.Me.If.I.Ever.Become.Like.That.

3. I want a husband who sleeps and is not an insomniac. Why you ask? Well, he got up in the middle of the night which he usually does. It stopped bothering me long ago. Only this time, the TV wouldn't work. He determined it was the satellite dish outside that had too much snow on it. Did he wait until morning? Why no - why should he do that? He instead got the extension ladder out of the garage (mind you he is still on the 10 pound max lifting restriction from his surgery). He took said ladder to the dish and then got a bucket of hot boiling water from the kitchen. Took said bucket up the steps of the ladder and threw the water on the dish. Not once but three times he went up and down that ladder. Wait - it gets better. We have 22 inches of snow on the ground. A sane person would realize that ladder in snow = slippery base of support. I am surprised he made it up and down 2 times. Third try he wasn't so lucky. The ladder slipped when he was tossing the bucket of water. He fell. Now if he had landed in the snow he should have been cushioned. But no, my husband had to fall feet first and one foot and leg landed in the window well and broke it the window well. It took him 20 minutes in 10 degree weather to get out of said well. He got inside and looked at his leg and decided it was a small gash only. Now you are thinking - where I was, right? Sleeping - where all people should be at 4am. Do you think he carried his cell phone on him - nope. Parents and son = same genes - no wonder they are like that. He.Is.Getting.A.Room.Next.To.His.Parents.

So my revised list would be at least ONE STRESS FREE DAY............
pretty please?

Christmas Spirit

I don't know about all of you but I have been working my rear off getting ready for Christmas. I took off this week to get things done.

First up this morning was to take my inlaws to their doctor appointment. The roads are icy since temps here are below zero. I confirmed yesterday with said inlaws about the time. I show up at their house to pick them up. No one is home. I happen to have a key so I let myself in. Nope - no one at home. Note here I arrived at their house a full hour before said appointment which was only 15 minutes away. I had the surgeon's phone number so I called their office and they had not arrived yet. I call hubs who says he hasn't heard from them but to call his mom's cell which I already had and heard it ringing in the house. 15 minutes later I get a call from the doctor's office - they had arrived. I talked to MIL who said she forgot I was coming to take them. She figured that if they went early they could get in early and then go to a Christmas party at the senior center. So I got up at the butt crack of dawn to drive an hour away just for nothing.

Ok, I figured I had a few more gifts to pick up and now I had time so I braved a few stores. Big mistake! I remembered why I get my shopping done early and don't shop during the day when the crazies are out. I pull into this parking space but noticed when I got into said spot, the car next to me was parked crooked and I didn't want to get hit so I backed out and pulled back into the spot, thinking nothing of doing that. Well, according to this really crabby male, I committed a moral sin of the utmost because he saw me backing out and wanted to take my spot. So he was pissed I was taking the spot back. This guy ranted for a good 5 minutes. I stood there looking at him and then said, "Sir, pardon me for my ignorance. But clearly, you need this space more than I do so I am going to get back in my car so you can have said space and I will go look for another one". He uttered a few obscenities and I replied: "Thank You and may God Bless you too and you have yourself a very Merry Christmas!" I got in my car, backed out, and parked in another spot that was actually a lot closer.

I figure I found the Christmas spirit since I didn't call him for what he was and I was rewarded with a closer space.

But inlaws? No words are available yet.

Beware the nosy neighbor!

I swore I would never ever be a really nosy neighbor but today changed all that.

I was calmly sitting at my desk in between batches of cookies, making cappelletti, and making my list of stuff to do for this week, when I looked up and the house right across the street had 3 guys walking to their front door. Ok....I am thinking....owner of home (a widow) is in the ICU on a ventilator and son is in the hospital too and those 2 trucks are not any I have seen before. So I get out my binoculars (yes I have them to.... um....for football games and ummm....birdwatching - yeah birdwatching. I get in close. 3 really young guys with hoodies over their heads. They go to the door. No one answers. 3 minutes later they get the door open.

I am starting to get a wee bit nervous since there have been 3 breakins in our area in the past week and this is an empty house. Wait....one of the guys comes back to one of the trucks and gets out a dolley and heads back to the house. I get out my phone book and call the house thinking if they are the grandchildren who are never over there but are legit, then they will answer the phone, right?

They didn't. I hung up and dialed 911. Since we live in an unincorporated area, the surrounding towns responded before the county. There were 6 cars in total responding before the county showed up 30 minutes later (he was at the scene of an accident).

So, turns out it was their grandchildren coming to snowblow the driveway and check on the house since the one son will be released from the hospital tomorrow. So my worry was all in naught.

But I was a good neighbor and made a huge pot of hot chocolate and gave the officers and grandkids some cookies that had just been made to go with the hot chocolate.

My husband and son's impression of the whole thing: Nosy crazy neighbor! Ok, can I help it if I am still in my robe, my hair spiked in every direction, flour strew on my robe and over my arms, barefoot (yes even in this cold weather), and very very beet red eyes (from wearing contacts last night)? I might look a bit crazy but....it could have been a whole different scenario.