Children Now Caring for Their Parents

Since 2007 when FIL suffered his first stroke, I have become their major caretaker. MIL and I never got along but now I am her bestest friend (probably because I do everything for them). It has been frustrating to watch their decline and although we have tried to help out (taking over major holiday meal preparation, going to doctor appointments with them, going to visit and giving respite care), it just wasn't enough, especially with FIL's vascular dementia which was increasing. It all came to a head right after Christmas of 2008 when we admitted FIL for an altered mental state dementia with severe WWII flashbacks. He was in the hospital for a few days then was transferred to a psychiatric dementia lock down unit for medication and evaluation. We checked in an angry male who never raised his voice yet had been hitting his wife. During this same time, we found out MIL suffered 2 minor strokes, with one involving her speech. With speech therapy she recovered fairly well and was able to continue living on her own.

Some dementia patients like my FIL have sundown syndrome which I will discuss another day. This is why we had to find somewhere for FIL. FIL though, we had to put in a dementia home. What we came across was divine intervention. The home is a standard ranch home in a regular neighborhood. The only difference is there are 2 live-in caretakers and 5 dementia patients in the 4 bedroom home. The atmosphere is amazing. Calming music is played. Heavenly mouth watering home cooked food is made. The caretakers and owners have this magical calming attitude about them that just is passed on via osmosis.

In FIL's room, I made a mural of family pictures with the names of the people in the pictures under them. Half the board was for the caretakers to write on the date. I had written in his name and the date to start them off. I had also written on a piece of paper his name, his wife's name, his children's names, his grandchildren's names, and that all of us knew he was there and would visit him often. I had it laminated in plastic so he could carry it in his pocket so he had a constant reminder of all these things.

As soon as we one walks through the doors of this group home, there were people who understood him and his care. Usually when we go to visit, FIL is sitting at the table, talking to 3 other male residents and putting together a 30-60 piece puzzle in the only way dementia patients can, eating cookies and having a 'beer' (root beer but they swore it was Polish beer). I always swear that I am tape recording their conversations because it is hard keeping a straight face and to not laugh totally out loud. Mind you none of them had any short term memory yet there were 3 males sitting at that table talking and playing cards discussing nothing yet having this amazing time. Not one single sentence uttered made any sense and the conversation was so disjointed one would admit themselves after listening to them after a few minutes.

Yesterday I got a phone call from one of the owners stating that FIL was having a hard time breathing. I had them go ahead and call 911 and said caretaker went with FIL in the ambulance until I could get out to them. I then called a neighbor to go to MIL's house and I timed my call to when she was there to let her know he was being transferred to the ER. Neighbor took MIL. Son and I took off (I am in a cast and unable to walk or drive - that story still to come).

We spent most of the day there but basically FIL's chest xray was normal, his blood work was about the same, and his EKG was the same. So they called his bad cold just a good case of bronchitis and put him on antibiotics. We are to take him back in a week to the doctor.

This is not the first scare for us with any of our parents but for me it was just a reminder of a month ago when I lost my mother because she was having a hard time breathing. Logically my brain tells me that this is the circle of life. But emotionally everything we are goes back to our parents. And so when our parents die, a large part of our lives as their child dies too. A line gets crossed over and we become the adults, and we know then that our childhood is behind us. It's funny because I had thought that occurred when I left home at 18 and when I married at 25 but it wasn't until my mother died, that I realized I was no longer a child. Maybe it's just a month after her death but this scare today just brought up so many memories of that week after she died.

Have you ever wanted to freeze time for a while? To say: stop world, slow down. Let me catch my breath! I don't know if I really want to be an adult now without parents.

Recipe Thursday - Baked Potato Soup

Ingredients
12 slices bacon
2/3 cup butter
2/3 cup flour
7 cups milk
4 large baking potatoes such as russet
1/4 cup minced chives
1 1/4 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese
1 cup sour cream
salt and black pepper to taste

The original recipe called for baking the potatoes first. Well, with the invention of the microwave, you can 'bake a potato' in 3 minutes. So you can use either the microwave way or oven way. I have found it doesn't make it taste any different. For the microwave way: I usually clean the potato, then wrap it in a paper towel, then soak that paper towel, then microwave the potato wrapped in the paper towel. The moistness keeps the potato from exploding. Now my microwave has quick settings on the outside panel for baked potatoes...I just press the number I have in there. I would check your own microwave instructions to bake yours in your microwave.

Let the potatoes cool on a cutting board until you can handle them. If you want, you can use a paring knife to peel away the skin (I usually don't) then cut the potatoes into small cubes.

While the potatoes are baking/microwaving, cook the bacon in a skillet over medium heat for about 15 minutes until brown and crispy. Drain the bacon on paper towels to remove excess grease. Let the grease in the skillet cool and store it in the fridge for a later use (I use it to make cornbread). Cut the bacon into small pieces.

In a large stockpot or Dutch oven, heat the butter over medium heat until it is melted. Add the flour and use a whisk to quickly mix the flour and butter together to make a paste. This paste is called a "roux" and will thicken the soup. Continually whisk the roux until it has turned a light brown and gives off a wonderful nutty aroma. If the roux burns, toss it and start over.

Now add the milk to the pot, slowly at first (don't burn yourself on the steam!) Whisk continually while the milk is added so the roux does not end up as clumps in the liquid. Once the milk has been added toss in the baked potato cubes and the chives. Bring this mixture to a boil, stirring often to keep the soup from burning on the bottom of the pot. Once the soup reaches a boil turn down the temperature to low and let the liquid simmer for about 10 minutes. The soup should have thickened by this point. Add the bacon, sour cream, and cheese. Mix until the cheese is melted. Add the salt and pepper as needed.

Now you can serve the soup....I always have extra bacon bits, cheese, and chives set aside to put on top. This soup can be stored in the fridge for several days, especially if stored in sealed mason jars (pour the soup in the mason jar while hot, put the lid on, then screw the top on...leave out until cooled and as the soup cools, it will seal the top as in canning). This soup does not freeze well. Store it in the frig.

I usually serve this soup with stovetop cornbread in my cast iron skillet.

Do You Doodle?

A friend's blog prompted this post.

So do you doodle? Did you know your doodling (mindless sketching or aimless drawing when otherwise distracted by other things) can be analyzed a lot like handwriting analysis and can provide an insight into what you are thinking?

I will admit that I doodle, especially when bored. I doodle either flowers or straight boxed lines but I will have to take a look at where I doodle. I will get back to you on that. I would have to say though that I doodle on the left, at the top, and at the right all depending on where I have room on the page.

Take a good look at your doodles: Here are some ways to see your doodler's personality and emotional state of mind.

Placement
On the page, where is your doodle?
If the doodle is on the left side of the paper, the doodler is oriented in the past. This person is private minded, reserved and cautious, an introvert. They will take longer to warm up to others and reveal who they are in public places.
If the doodle is in the center of the paper, the doodler is oriented in the present. This person is said to be professional, an extrovert, someone who seeks the limelight.
If the doodle is on the right side of the paper, the doodler is oriented to the potential or future. This person is public minded, outgoing and socially motivated. They are more concerned with the future than the past or present. They are progressive thinkers who function best as a team player.
If the doodle is placed on the top of the paper, the doodler is said to be a postive enthusiastic thinker. This person is an innovator and consistently devises new approaches, concepts and solutions.
If the doodle is placed at the bottom of the paper, the doodler is a negative thinker with a low level of enthusiasm. They are less willing to share or come forth with any ideas at all.

Pressure
The amount of pressure you put on your doodle tells even more.
Heavy pressure says that you are responsive and have controlled aggression. This doodler may reveal a temper when treated in a manner they perceive as unfair or
incorrect.
Medium pressure says that you have a well balanced nature.
Light pressure says that you are a receptive and sensitive. This doodler is someone who is easily influenced.
Erratic pressure says that you are emotionally unstable. This doodler is someone whose temperament fluctuates and is considered unreliable and untrustworthy.

Practice
Repeating the same doodle, shading the doodle, placing the lines of the doodle, and using color in your doodle also tell you about yourself.
Repeating the same doodle over and over on the same page are in a mood that rules the moment. This doodler is being emotionally and mentally compulsive. This is not the time for the doodler to make serious or impartial decisions where others are concerned.
Shading the doodle states that you have differing anxieties such as fear. You are in a state of negativity.
Coloring your doodle tells you even more about the doodler. Using the color blue states that the doodler is in a calmer reflective mood. Red shows the doodler in a heightened mood. Green shows envy or resentment. Yellow shows financial or health concerns. Brown shoes a need for security. Purple shows inconsistency or self importance. Gray shows impartiality or indifference. Black shows anxiety or pessimism.
Placing a line under your image shows that you are seeking balance while placing a line over the image shows that you are seeking refuge.
When your doodle is composed of various designs, this shows that you have diverse talents, have a good imagination and varied interests. It shows that you are not stuck in the moment or are mentally compulsive.
But a dominant design or pattern will often reveal the source of an issue.
Images
If your doodle is an image, they can be as revealing as the above.
Doodling flowers indicates usually that you are a woman. They show that you have a gentle personality, a love of nature, a childlike innocence. They represent the passive aspect of nature. Doodling roses with sharp thorns though show a betrayal of love.
Doodling faces depends on whether or not the face represents you or someone else. A smiley face says the doodler has a happy-go-lucky nature. Beautiful faces are usually drawn by girls and are usually idealized self portraits and that you are a people person. Ugly faces show a dislike of people and a bad temper. Note: cartoons are artworks rather than doodles.
Doodling parts of faces: If you doodle eyes you are showing a frustrated artistic talent and a wish to be desirable. Staring eyes or eyes shown through keyholes show that you have a feeling of being watched and your privacy is being invaded. Doodling voluptous lips indicate a frustrated desire
Doodling people: If you doodle stick figures you are showing an artistic developement that was stalled very early. Interpretation of people doodling depends on the amount of detail, who the figures are, and what they are doing. More complex figure drawings require a lot of thought and actually leave the doodling art and actually become conscious drawings and artwork.
Doodling houses represent home life. A nice neat house shows you are happy at home. But doodling homes with aymetical shapes, untidy lines or no windowns shows you have an unhappy home life. Smoke coming from a chimney shows a welcoming fire and warmth.
Doodling shapes: Doodling regular geometic shapes shows an organized and efficient mind. Doodling triangles which is a geometically stable shape also shows direction and a sense of purpse. Doodling circles shows a form as an eternal whole. There is no beginning or end and also represents the universe. Doodling squares shows a formal, mathematical, scientific order, and shows you are earthbound. Doodling random or abstract shapes: if you have a wandering line that is not closed you are shoing aimlessness and distraction. A purposeful or closed line indicate unease. Doodling stars show an ambitious person and a desire for self-promotion. Little stars show optimism while asymmetrical stars show excess energy. Doodling mazes show a feeling of being lost with nowhere to turn or being unsure of which direction one has to take. Doodling hearts generally shows you are in love or have a romantic disposition.
Doodling boxes or perspective forms shows an advanced stage of artistic development. Simple 3-D boxes show an order mind and a love of routine and a good sense of spatial relationships. Stacking those boxes indicate great stress especially if that stack is in danger of toppling. Complex 3-D boxes are usually done by artists and designers or anyone who uses technical drawing. The doodler of these are motivated to experiment with design.


So what do you doodle?

Inspirational Sunday - Honoring Your Own Story

It is not the world that is shattering; it is your illusion of the world.
~Author Unknown

I love this quote as it helps me reflect and be grateful for what I have. It's been a rough month for me. First I lost my mother then I had my 6th surgery in 3 years(explanation another day), and now the family that I was born into have become people I don't know I ever want to see again. I keep saying this quote over and over thinking it might just be my view and it is distorted and thinking maybe if I look at it another way, it will change things. It hasn't yet so I keep rereading it and take one day at a time.

3 years ago I attended the wake of a friend's father. This man helped me in my early twenties when I was in an exploration of who I was. I had an emotionally and physically abusive alcoholic father...but through the help of this father figure, I was able to understand and accept and come to full forgiveness. He showed me I could love myself and by doing that, love others and have that love come back to me hundredfold.

I had always been religious (attending church every day and twice on holy days) but it wasn't until I went through this self exploration that I became spiritual. In many ways, this exploration helped me become a better person. He convinced me that every one of us has a story we can share with someone else. If we are vague about what our story might be, one of the best ways to find out is to keep a daily journal. I’ve been doing this, off and on, most of my life. I don’t set parameters with what I’m going to write; it just has to interest me enough so that I’m willing to expend enough energy to write it. The point is not to write something great or something profound every time I sit to do it — the idea is just to get something down on paper, or now, on the screen. Maybe one day those journals will be published.

Basically, I just sit and start to type — then it’s one word after the other. Whatever is on my mind will somehow find the light of day…which is the interesting part. Often, I didn’t know what was on my mind until I wrote it down.

I believe we all need to honor our own stories. When I take the time to listen, I’m often amazed at how interesting and how beautiful another person’s life is. I think we all need to practice sharing more of who we are. If we all learned to be good at both the telling and the listening, this could prove to be the beginning of the end of conflict between people and eventually, if we did it enough, even the end of war.

But then again I see how my mother was the glue that held my family together and think how will we ever get back together and do I really want to? I forgave but I haven't ever forgotten.

So today I honor my father figure who taught me that even when things around me are going nuts, stop and take a deep breath, and be grateful for even the littlest things. And right now, that is all I can concentrate on - God, the little things, my immediate family, and just taking one day at a time.

Coping and Surgery and Posting

I am still having a hard time coping with not only my mother's death, but trying to physically heal after another surgery that was done last week on the right ankle.

This was yet another problem that had not been seen before. My husband likened it to biting your cheek. Once you bite it, you will continue to bite it because it swells up and it is hard to avoid. Basically that was what I was doing to my subtalar joint. The posterior part was gone - destroyed - by the joint 'biting' the tissues and destroying them with each and every step I took. This was found via an arthrogram that was done 2 days after my mother's funeral when I went to my doctor for assistance with the pain. After medicating me (I have an allergy to the dye they needed to use), the doctor injected the dye into the medial (inside) of the subtalar joint and then under live xrays (called a fluoroscope), he and my husband watched as the dye went through the medial side of the joint and right out the back of the joint. Not one drop entered the lateral (outside) of the joint. This meant that there was nothing staying in the joint at all. I was scheduled for surgery for last Thursday (a mere 6 days from my visit to the doctor).

During surgery, my doctor and my husband checked the upper ankle joint to find it totally stable and therefore the Artelon that they had used to repair that joint was holding and healing as it should and I wasn't rejecting it. They then injected the subtalar joint with a dye called methylene blue. This dye showed them the exact place where the problem was, and how much tissue was involved. They also put my ankle through a stressed range of motion which showed I had a talar tilt of +15 degrees (normal is less than 5 which is why I still felt like my ankle was unstable). My doctor and my husband carefully cut out all the dead tissue then rebuilt the posterior part of the subtalar joint with sutures and Artelon. The rep from Artelon was there taking pictures so I guess I will be written up as this type of injury usually heals on its own. It is rare for it to need surgical repair. (Told you I was unique!)

But I am back non-weight bearing and confined to bed. I don't know when I will be back to posting again. I am trying still to cope with my mother's death along with very intense physical pain, and now with an emotionally devastating pain that I just can't handle being here right now. I am also coping with the knowledge that is ONLY my friends that have even bothered to find out how I am after I had surgery.

I will end this post with these thoughts:

By jumping to a conclusion that was logical but untrue, one can come dangerously close to unnecessary conflict. The Israelites did the same thing. They were ready to go to war because they wrongly assumed that the altar built by their brothers was a sign of rebellion against God (Josh. 22:9-34). To avoid making wrong judgments, we must be careful to get the facts right.

When you’re forming your opinions,
Do it carefully—go slow;
Hasty judgments oft are followed
By regretting—that I know.
—Anon.

RIP Mom

My mother passed away today. I will not be posting for a bit.

Doctor's Strike Near?

Good luck finding a doctor unless it is an emergency!

Earlier this evening, the Senate failed to approve an amended version of H.R. 4851, the Continuing Extension Act of 2010, legislation which would continue the payment freeze at its current level through June 1. As a result of the Senate's failure to pass identical legislation addressing the extension of the Medicare physician payment freeze, Medicare contractors will begin processing claims on Thursday, April 15. The Senate is expected to return to consideration of this amended version of H.R. 4851 tomorrow.

Since the version of the extension legislation the Senate is considering is not identical to the version passed by the House on March 17, the House must approve this Senate passed version before sending it to the president for his signature. Earlier today, the House Rules Committee approved a rule allowing for swift consideration of this amended version of H.R. 4851. The House is expected to act on this legislation later this week.

The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) previously indicated that if legislation was not enacted by midnight April 14, Medicare contractors would begin processing the held April 1 claims.