Combining Families for Holidays

Ironically this sign is seen at a lot of weddings now. But in reality, does it really happen? I say no.

From the first time my daughter got engaged, her mother-in-law-to-be took over my Mother's Day plans with my family to a surprise engagement party for our children. She called me to tell me AFTER she had already announced and sent out invitations to her side. All of her side brought presents for the kids. My side did not. We were labeled as 'poor'. Since this mother invited more than my side had there, I took the bill and handed it to son-in-law to be's parents to pay (I figured out the bill plus tax and tip and divided it to get a per person amount then multiplied it by the number of people they had). Yep they paid. I don't think they were happy but yanno, I didn't really care.

Then came the wedding. I gave daughter a budget. The list for invites came to over 1000. So we started trimming. I refused to pay for more than 250 people. We decided to only invite people who actually knew either my daughter or my son-in-law, plus no one could bring a date unless they were engaged, and there would be no children unless they were family. The kids told their friends to buddy up and they wouldn't be allowed to bring a date unless they were engaged. Mother of SIL protested since she wanted her bible friends and neighbors (they didn't know SIL since they had moved in long after SIL moved out) so I gave her the cost to upgrade the room and what the price per person was and if she wanted to invite these people she would have to pay for it. She elected not to.

SIL's mother was pissed I put her son's flowers on him. But yanno? We couldn't start the wedding until she got there. Yep she was over 10 minutes late.

In my eyes, it has been a competition since between her family and mine. She insists on every holiday at the time she decides to get it ready. She decides she wants lunch so the kids told her lunch would be at 11:30am then so they had time to drive the hour west for our dinner at 5pm. She wouldn't even serve until 3pm which was the time she wanted to begin with. So I took lunch. It would end up I would get the kids for 2-3 hours and she would get them for 6 hours. But my time would be shared with my husband's family. I never got alone time. Christmas was easier. We do Christmas eve with husband's family. Christmas usually the 26th for my family. But now there was no time for the kids and us alone. So I was relegated to an hour before we would head to a parent's house.

This year my daughter said she was having Thanksgiving dinner at their house and she was hosting. Both immediate families would be invited but since they had more kids, and husband only has a brother and his wife and his mother on our side, these would be invited. Well, son-in-law must have told his mother because the numbers grew from SIL's mother and father, sister with her fiancee, and 2 grandchildren (SIL's sister had to work) to now include cousins, relatives, neighbors, and people from MIL's bible group. Daughter didn't stand up for herself and allowed it.

It was miserable. Granddaughter had been sick so between taking care of husband's mother and running after granddaughter and helping daughter in the kitchen, I was run ragged as was daughter. People were to sign up for different things and state what they were bringing so daughter had an idea of what was coming. Well, people didn't bring what they said so we ended up with 3 different stuffings, my mashed potatoes, daughter's sweet potato casserole, rolls, and turkey my daughter and SIL provided. No vegetable. No salad. Husband's brother brought a homemade apple pie, I brought a homemade pumpkin pie and a homemade pecan pie along with real whipped cream. The others brought cookies bought from stores, cupcakes that would feed 4, and my SIL's mother? She brought a french silk pie and 2 birthday cakes for their side of the family. Ummm.....this was Thanksgiving not birthday party for your side of the family.

Guess who cleaned up? Yep daughter and I. Not one person (there were 30 of SIL's mother's people) of their side helped at all. They didn't even clean up their own plates.

Guess what I am taking back? Yep my own Thanksgiving. SIL's parents have decided they will not work with me so I refuse to work with them anymore. I don't care. I am not their maid.