I am sure my definition will differ from others.
I definitely know it differs from Dr Laura's who basically states that "man is a very simple creature who only needs direct communication, respect, appreciation, food, and good loving". She claims that if a wife does the above by preparing dinner, caring for their children without complain, greets her husband with a kiss and engages in sexual intimacy, she will have a deep and satisfying marriage. Umm....are we stuck in the 50's? I suppose we are to wear dresses while we mop the floors too?
Not too long ago, Oprah had this marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman on her show. Normally I halfway listen and usually turn off Oprah but his discussions got my attention. According to Gary's research, if you want to prevent infidelity, a woman needs to #1 appreciate and admire her man; #2 have more sex with him; #3 have open conversations when he is ready; #4 allow your husband time to see his friends even if you don't get time; #5 or basically do whatever he needs to be happy. Yeah.....is he living in the 50's too? Is he related to Dr Laura?
A friend recently complained to me that her husband wouldn't go shopping with her. I asked her why she needed him to. My husband happens to love to shop. Sometimes I go with him and sometimes I don't. He can easily turn a simple shopping trip into an expedition while I tend to stick to a list and go in and get what I want and get out. He can't wait for grandkids because he loves Toys R Us (I usually plan on hitting here once a year and give him 2 hours so he can catch up on all the new things out). He loves clothes shopping with me and has really good taste although I have gotten things on my own and surprised him. He is a better grocery shopper than I am and a huge bargain hunter. No - you can't have him. He's also a pretty good cook and does all the ironing. Still can't have him although you can ask me on any given day and the answer will be different.
So when it comes to defining husbands, I think my definition is different. Our marriage is unique in that we work together too. Things in our household are divided 50/50. I work as many hours as he does so there should be no reason why household chores can't be shared too. Plus appreciation goes both ways in our house. If I don't feel I am getting the attention I want or need, I open my mouth (I don't have a problem doing this) and say so. If it doesn't get his attention, I yell louder and more often until he does. His ways of stating he needs attention though are a bit different - he finds fault in every single thing I do and when he does this, I know he needs attention which I smother him with until he leaves me alone again (j/k).
Are there times when one of us has needs over and above the other? Yep, happens in every household....as long as the other picks up the slack somewhere else.
Lately, I can tell his mind is on a zillion things because he keeps asking me what the schedule is for tomorrow. I finally wrote it out on a piece of paper and put it in his wallet. An idea a friend had for me earlier when she called is pretty tempting: take a heavy pan and zonk him over the head.
