We live in the age of distraction. But did you know that your best future solely rests on your ability to pay attention to the present - the here and now?
Why do you think that is? I know that I let the present slip away and relive the past over and over, or worry about what is to come. But in reality, life is in the present. We need to live more in the moment. When you do, you realize that you are not your thoughts and instead become an observer of those thoughts from moment to moment without judging them. Being in the moment allows you to be with your thoughts as they are.
Living in the moment actually reduces stress, boosts immune functioning, reduces pain, lowers blood pressure, and helps one cope with every day life and the stuff it throws at you. People who live in the moment are happier, more exuberant, more empathetic, and more secure. They have a higher self-esteem and are more accepting of their own weaknesses. They are less likely to be impulsive, less likely to do things like binge eat, and less likely to have attention problems. They are also more likely to take negative criticism without feeling threatened. They fight less with their partners and are more accommodating and less defensive. Couples living in the moment have more satisfying relationships.
Wouldn't it be great if we could always live in the today, in the moment? I don't know about you, but I sure don't. But thinking back onto those times when I am the happiest, when I am in the least amount of pain; I see myself being in the moment then.
So to me, the question is how to do it. After all I am human. I am not a perfect person. My pain levels alternate between little to a whole lot per day. My tolerance of bulls*** alternates too. Oh I can be pleasant but inside I am boiling. Right now I am really upset about the fact that a person who gave me hell, a person I thought to be my friend, could betray me so much. Was I that gullible? Maybe that is why although I am happy she found a new job, I am angry it is the job it is and I had to take legal steps to not have her have any contact with my databases. To me, the people who hired her were wrong. Do I suspect she would sabotage my databases? Honestly, in my heart, I don't think so. But I have already been wrong about her. Can I trust that she wouldn't? What is my first priority? My first priority would be to my data and to my patients. So a legal step had to be done. Me? I want nothing to do with her - ever. I wish her the best in life, but it will not ever be in mine again.
But see how hard it is for me to live in the today? So instead of getting stuck in my head and worrying, I took a step so I can let myself go. Most negative thoughts concern the past or the future. That is where I am with this person. I have really tried to just let it go, but it keeps being thrown in my face. Our lives are now intertwined again and I have to learn to let it go.
So how do I cope? How do I live in the today and the moment? The best way I have found is to either pray the rosary, or to just focus on my breathing. By doing either, I am placing my awareness on what is happening right now. I notice that when I do either, I lose track of the flow of time. I am totally absorbed into the here and now and lose track of everything else around me. I can also do that with reading a book.
But how can you be in the moment if you are not even aware of the moment? The reason is the depth of how engaged you are absorbs you so much you are keeping your attention so focused that any distraction cannot penetrate. You are focusing so intensely on what you are doing that you are unaware of the passage of time. Hours can pass without you noticing.
Not always easy to do while at work although there are days that I look at the clock and think "Where did all the time go?" We all have had days like that. I love those days. I love how different every aspect of my job is. I love doing different things.
So how do I do it at work? Now mind you it doesn't always work. But if something is bothering me, I move away from it rather than toward it. Why? Because they are irritants which distract me from the moment.
I have constant pain either in my left knee or my right ankle and now because of the way I need to walk, the pain has moved to my hips. The mind's natural tendency when faced with pain is to attempt to avoid it by trying to resist unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and sensations. But negative feelings and situations can't be avoided and resisting them only magnifies the pain. So the more I resist feeling the pain, the more I stress over not feeling the pain. The more I stress over not feeling the pain, the more I stress over being stressed.
Acceptance of pain does not mean I really accept the pain. It means I accept that certain things like the pain are beyond my control. It also doesn't mean I have to like what is happening. I mean, who in their right mind would like to have 7 ankle surgeries and 1 knee surgery and still recognize that you might have to have more and that this will be a permanent part of my life? I sure don't like the thought. I expected the surgeries to put me back together and 'fix it'. But with each surgery comes its own inherent problems. While that 'problem' might be fixed, another that was hidden by the pain of the other will crop up and that doesn't include the sheer fact that any surgical procedure never leaves without making its mark on you. Acceptance also does not mean you have to like what is happening. Acceptance does not tell you what to do. What happens next, what you choose to do, has to come from your understanding of THIS moment. It just means that the sadness, stress, pain, or anger is there whether you like it or not. Better to embrace the feeling as it is.
You watch your thoughts, perceptions, and emotions flit through your mind without getting involved. Thoughts are just thoughts. You don't have to believe them and you don't have to do what they say.
But also don't become mindless because we then stop paying attention. Don't go through even an hour in a haze. Instead see the world with fresh eyes. See what is going on with a child's eye or pretend you are seeing it for the first time. Your reaction will be different. By noticing new things, we become aware that the world is actually changing constantly. Once you start seeing things in a new light, everything becomes an adventure in noticing and the more you notice, the more you see. The more you see, the more excitement you feel.
You can become mindful at any moment just by paying attention to your immediate experience. You can do it right now. What's happening this instant? Think of yourself as an eternal witness, and just observe the moment. What do you see, hear, smell? It doesn't matter how it feels: pleasant or unpleasant, good or bad. Roll with it because it's what's present; you're not judging it. And if you notice your mind wandering, bring yourself back. Just say to yourself, "Now. Now. Now." Wake up. Become aware of being alive. And breathe. As you draw your next breath, focus on the rise of your abdomen on the in-breath, the stream of heat through your nostrils on the out-breath. If you're aware of that feeling right now, as you're reading this, you're living in the moment. Nothing happens next. It's not a destination. This is it. You're already there.
But don't fret if you can't live in the moment all the time. No one can. Find things that help you to find the moment: watching a child play; watch a cat play. Cats and children are all about the NOW. Be a child. Be a cat.
The fact of the matter is that the past is gone. Good, or bad; it is incapable of returning, and cannot be changed in any way, shape, or form. Living in the past allows for the possibility that we will miss the abundant gifts and precious moments of the present. We do ourselves a far greater service when we accept the past as a series of positive and negative learning experiences which, when viewed with the proper attitude, will always result in our continual growth.
"The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post."
- L. Thomas Holdcroft
"Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
