Combining Families for Holidays

Ironically this sign is seen at a lot of weddings now. But in reality, does it really happen? I say no.

From the first time my daughter got engaged, her mother-in-law-to-be took over my Mother's Day plans with my family to a surprise engagement party for our children. She called me to tell me AFTER she had already announced and sent out invitations to her side. All of her side brought presents for the kids. My side did not. We were labeled as 'poor'. Since this mother invited more than my side had there, I took the bill and handed it to son-in-law to be's parents to pay (I figured out the bill plus tax and tip and divided it to get a per person amount then multiplied it by the number of people they had). Yep they paid. I don't think they were happy but yanno, I didn't really care.

Then came the wedding. I gave daughter a budget. The list for invites came to over 1000. So we started trimming. I refused to pay for more than 250 people. We decided to only invite people who actually knew either my daughter or my son-in-law, plus no one could bring a date unless they were engaged, and there would be no children unless they were family. The kids told their friends to buddy up and they wouldn't be allowed to bring a date unless they were engaged. Mother of SIL protested since she wanted her bible friends and neighbors (they didn't know SIL since they had moved in long after SIL moved out) so I gave her the cost to upgrade the room and what the price per person was and if she wanted to invite these people she would have to pay for it. She elected not to.

SIL's mother was pissed I put her son's flowers on him. But yanno? We couldn't start the wedding until she got there. Yep she was over 10 minutes late.

In my eyes, it has been a competition since between her family and mine. She insists on every holiday at the time she decides to get it ready. She decides she wants lunch so the kids told her lunch would be at 11:30am then so they had time to drive the hour west for our dinner at 5pm. She wouldn't even serve until 3pm which was the time she wanted to begin with. So I took lunch. It would end up I would get the kids for 2-3 hours and she would get them for 6 hours. But my time would be shared with my husband's family. I never got alone time. Christmas was easier. We do Christmas eve with husband's family. Christmas usually the 26th for my family. But now there was no time for the kids and us alone. So I was relegated to an hour before we would head to a parent's house.

This year my daughter said she was having Thanksgiving dinner at their house and she was hosting. Both immediate families would be invited but since they had more kids, and husband only has a brother and his wife and his mother on our side, these would be invited. Well, son-in-law must have told his mother because the numbers grew from SIL's mother and father, sister with her fiancee, and 2 grandchildren (SIL's sister had to work) to now include cousins, relatives, neighbors, and people from MIL's bible group. Daughter didn't stand up for herself and allowed it.

It was miserable. Granddaughter had been sick so between taking care of husband's mother and running after granddaughter and helping daughter in the kitchen, I was run ragged as was daughter. People were to sign up for different things and state what they were bringing so daughter had an idea of what was coming. Well, people didn't bring what they said so we ended up with 3 different stuffings, my mashed potatoes, daughter's sweet potato casserole, rolls, and turkey my daughter and SIL provided. No vegetable. No salad. Husband's brother brought a homemade apple pie, I brought a homemade pumpkin pie and a homemade pecan pie along with real whipped cream. The others brought cookies bought from stores, cupcakes that would feed 4, and my SIL's mother? She brought a french silk pie and 2 birthday cakes for their side of the family. Ummm.....this was Thanksgiving not birthday party for your side of the family.

Guess who cleaned up? Yep daughter and I. Not one person (there were 30 of SIL's mother's people) of their side helped at all. They didn't even clean up their own plates.

Guess what I am taking back? Yep my own Thanksgiving. SIL's parents have decided they will not work with me so I refuse to work with them anymore. I don't care. I am not their maid.

Happy Thanksgiving

Sorry this was posted late. Granddaughter has had bacterial pneumonia so I have been helping daughter out with her care and assisting daughter with the preparations for Thanksgiving.

Granddaughter is better. Daughter is sick now. I was too but mine was more gluten sensitivity in a high gluten meal. I tried to keep it under control but guess the stuffing along with pie along with pasta didn't help. Thankfully son-in-law is taking care of little one - how come it seems they recuperate 100 times faster than the adults taking care of them?

Recipe Thursday - Cooked Cranberry Salad/Sauce

This is my mother's cranberry sauce modified and adapted to my husband's family's heritage.

1 bag of cranberries, washed and discard any bad ones then dry them
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup of water
1 orange
1 jar of cinnamon sticks

Put the water and sugar into a pan, Add the cranberries. Zest the orange then squeeze as much juice as you can into the pan.

Bring the pan to a boil. Reduce heat and add the jar of cinnamon sticks. Simmer until the cranberries begin to burst and the liquid thickens (around 10 to 15 minutes).

Pour into a serving dish. Cool. Some people like to serve it warm (me) and others like it chilled in the frig for an hour or more.

Inspirational Sunday - Changing How You React to How People Treat You

This spoke to me especially with Thanksgiving rolling around and with people I don't particularly care anything about - my daughter's inlaws, inlaws neighbors, inlaws relatives, inlaws bible group. I don't know why my daughter thought I would want to attend something with her inlaws because she knows I can't stand them after his mother just takes over everything. Daughter says that her MIL is an airhead and she doesn't even realize she is doing this. My opinion differs. But it is my daughter's inlaws. Not mine.

Thanksgiving should be family and friends. The only people that will be there amongst the 50 people will be my family (husband, son, daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter). The others? Not even friends.

But I will go because the alternative is going to my father's which is definitely not going to happen or go home alone.

I am choosing to stay and changing how I react to it and yes, without drugs. Pray for me!

Recipe Thursday - Raw Cranberry Salad

This is a recipe from my father's side of the family. I happen to like both cooked and raw cranberry salad. This week I will give you the raw salad and next week the cooked one.

For those of you who do not have an old fashioned hand grinder, you will have to make adjustments as needed. I have my good old fashioned one that I use for everything. I love the cranking and I love seeing the finished product. Other grinders just do not do this justice.

2 peeled oranges (I save the peels and freeze them to make orange zest)
2 peeled and cored apples (Use apples that are firm with a little tartness - no soft mushy ones)
1 celery piece from a stalk of celery
1 cup of walnuts or pecans
1 quart package of cranberries
2 boxes of cherry Jell-O
3 cups sugar
2 cups hot water

1. In large serving bowl add the water to the Jell-O and stir until dissolved. Set aside.

2. Chop oranges, apples, pecans, cranberries, and celery in a grinder (I grind the ingredients listed in no particular order but never all of one at once - I mix them up)

3. Add sugar to the chopped mixture and stir (I taste test adding a cup of sugar at a time until the desired tartness/sweetness is just right (remember the Jell-O will add some sweetness)

4. Add the chopped mixture to the Jell-O and stir.

5. Refrigerate.


I store this in the frig for up to a week. I will also use it in my post Thanksgiving sandwich.

Inspirational Sunday - Losing Someone

I am a mother of a 35 year old daughter, a 32 year old son, and two angels in heaven. As a mother who has lost 2 children, I know the pain a mother goes through.

Today, a friend of mine lost her 22 year old son. He had been a troubled youth and had been fighting many battles over the years but had been choosing life for the past year. The family was finally healing and coming back together as a family. But last night, the girl this son had been dating told him she aborted their child because she didn't want any children. To the son, this betrayal threw him back deep into the depression and void he had just crawled out from. He took his life this morning.

Life is fragile. It is a delicate balancing act. This is a devastating blow to my friend who had finally thought there was going to be light at the end of her tunnel.

I have no words for her. There are never enough words to offer someone. I know. I have walked in her shoes.

Recipe Thursday - Parmesan Shell

I have made these for years. You can make tiny ones to hold appetizers in and I have made larger ones to hold a dinner salad in. I liken it to a taco shell - edible and since it uses cheese, one doesn't need bread rolls to go with their salad.

There are a few rules here - most important is always use freshly grated cheese. This is not the time to use canned shredded cheese or even shredded in a bag. This is an honest to gosh get out your grater and grind some cheese.

Ingredients:
- Parmesan Reggiano cheese (you can get it at Costco) I happen to like mine with a sharp bite. You will need 1/2 cup for each 6 inch bowl and less for an appetizer cup
- 2 nesting bowls (I use mini bowls I picked up at Bed Bath & Beyond for my appetizers and I use cereal type bowls for my salads. These bowls have to 'nest' tightly together with the rims close together. You will be sandwiching the cheese between them.
- parchment paper - use a good brand because an off brand will stick to the cheese and ruin the whole thing - take it from experience - been there done that! I use my Wilton brand parchment paper but have also used Reynolds brand too.
- large microwave safe platter or plate with a flat bottom like a large dinner place or a pie plate

1. Cut a piece of parchment paper to cover the bottom of the plate. You can reuse the parchment paper for multiple cheese bowls.

2. Put grated cheese in the center of the paper that is on the plate with the flat bottom. Please note that each wedge of cheese is different so how much it will take will be different each time you make it. You can usually determine how much cheese you will need once you make a bowl.

3. Spread the cheese into a circle shape. It does not have to be perfect and in fact I like my bowls to have uneven edges. Once I just kept a little bit of edge on one side and presented the salad as if it were overflowing off the small edge. Experiment.

4. Hold an inverted bowl over the cheese circle and make sure the cheese extends 3/4 to 1 inch beyond the rim of the bowl. (Example if you are using a 6 inch diameter bowl rim: the cheese circle is 7 and 1/2 inches.

5. Use scissors to trim the corners off of the parchment paper to keep them from bumping against the walls of the microwave as the turntable rotates.

6. Have an inverted bowl ready to use as a mold when you take the hot cheese out of the microwave.

7. Put the plate of cheese in the microwave and cook at full power until golden brown over most or all of the surface. It should take less than 2 minutes so keep an eye on it.

8. Remove the cooked cheese from the microwave and with parchment paper still attached, immediately flip it over the bowl mold, centering it over the bowl. If it isn't centered don't worry. This is one time you don't have to be perfect.

9. Working quickly before the cheese hardens, take the 2nd bowl and press it over the hot parchment paper with the cheese underneath. Press down to form the cheese into a bowl shape. I do advise you to not use your hands since the cheese is hot and you will burn your hands (again been there done that).

10. Remove the top bowl and peel off the parchment paper.

11. Remove the bowl mold and set it aside and you are now ready to make another one.


Note - you can store the bowls for up to 5 days at room temp in an airtight container or in a large Ziploc baggie which makes these perfect to make beforehand.

Note - again DO NOT WORRY if the edges are not perfect - this is one time imperfection doesn't matter. Also if you break a bowl or have one left over, all is not lost and don't throw it away. Just crumble it up into chunks and they are great to either snack on or for using on salads or in soups.

Family Problems with Holidays

This year my daughter decided to have Thanksgiving at her house. Normally we go to my husband's mothers house for lunch and then dinner. When daughter got married in 2008, they decided to split Thanksgiving with one of us getting the lunch meal one year and the other getting the dinner meal.

Yeah, that never ever worked. Son-in-law's mother has no awareness of time. Her lunch was at 3p so the kids ate really quick then drove the hour west for a full dinner at 5p. But if we did the lunch, son-in-law's mother had dinner at 3p so the time with the kids became smaller and smaller until 2 years ago I cried uncle and gave up. Incidentally that was our 1st Thanksgiving with our granddaughter here and we didn't even get to see her. When you have parents that are 96 and 88, meal times are set which is why we had to call it quits. His parents are our age but they have no parents alive but they invited everyone and the neighbors and church friends. They could have dinner that came out of cans at 5pm easily. But no.

Should I also mention that son-in-law's mother babysits our granddaughter every day for 9-10 hours 5 days a week. We barely get to see her for 3 hours once a week. Yet when I try for equal rights seeing her, I am the bad guy.

So this year I am stuck going to my daughter's house when she is having all these other people there from son-in-law's family and friends and neighbors and his mother's church friends. They like processed foods. I can't eat processed foods. Naturally who is my granddaughter going to want to be near? Why either her parents or the grandmother who watches her daily for hours on end. And this grandmother? Has the whiniest voice I have ever heard. I asked if daughter's brother could bring a date and the answer was no. Yet church friends are allowed that the kids don't even know?

I am a grinch for Thanksgiving. I am hoping my allergies act up so I don't have to go. I have no idea what I will be able to eat. I eat organically with from scratch things. They eat boxed meals or frozen meals or canned meals.

I am cancelling going to daughters and having it myself with my own food I can eat.

Bah Turkey!

Inspirational Sunday - 1 Year Anniversary

Today is the one year anniversary of my father-in-law who I considered more of a father in the 38 years I knew him than my own father.

Louis, you are missed and thought of often!