Wednesday Funnies

I got these via email and they had me cracking up (yes, even more than usual). Some of these I laughed so hard tears rolled down my face I peed my pants!

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. (Of course I am never wrong).

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. (That's what husbands are for).

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. (Okay friends - I will be passing out assignments on the 6 computers I play on).

Was learning cursive really necessary? (I even won the bestest penmanship award - once).

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories. (And funny crazy things seem to find me).

There is a Tampon in my Ear - aka I have Otitis Externa

At least so far that was what the ENT doctor diagnosed me with. I used to have an ENT but he retired so my neurologist has been handling my Meniere's Disease meds for the past couple of years until I found an ENT I liked. Well, no time like pain to find one real quick!

Of course, the day I decide to find one is the same day as a Jewish holiday and it seemed that a lot of the offices were closed. So I had to choose one from another hospital (it turns out though he's on staff at our hospital too). So I have Otitis Externa and have had for at least a week (that's when I began noticing symptoms but figured it was my normal fall cold). When the pain and the sound of the ocean started when I did the least little thing like putting on my glasses or moving my jaw as in eating or drinking, I knew I had to break down and see a doctor.

I am on Levaquin orally and to treat the Otitis Externa, the doctor put this thin sponge type thing into my ear which spreads out like a tampon (it's really called an ear wick but I swear it looks like a tampon complete with strings! - picture above). This sponge stays in until it falls out or I take it out as it is really really annoying. I then have to put 5 ice cold drops into the ear three times a day which is exactly what it feels like I need - more fluid in that ear! PLUS the ice cold drops put me directly into a dizzy spin that feels like an acute attack of Meniere's. So I go back on Friday and the doc examines the ear again to see what else is going on because right now he can't even see the eardrum or ear canal and pulls the tampon that is if it is still in there because I don't know how I will last until Friday with this in my ear. The doctor offered me narcotics for the pain. I told him no but might change my mind. The pain is tolerable but I am thinking one needs the narcotics to dull the feeling of being stuffed with a tampon in your ear and make you just not give a s*** it is there. Joy joy. And this is not helping my Meniere's Disease one bit! I am once again loopy and dizzy!

In other news, Trouble is still living up to his name. Besides making our employee sneeze like a zillion times when hubs came home to take out the garbage between offices and couldn't resist playing and holding him (employee is highly allergic to cats and hubs didn't wash his hands or change clothes before going back to the office)....... Trouble tonight chose to walk across the keyboard. Yes, the same keyboard he dumped a full glass of water on last night. This time all my toolbars at the top disappeared. I had to call my son-in-law to log onto my computer to fix it. Trouble got banned to son and off my desk.

Kitten Energy

Trouble has such amazing energy. I swear his head is turning even as he dozes. He has learned to leap tall couches in a single bound and escape where we had him penned in the family room so we could eat. He has learned that the hubs' blanket is warm - very warm as it is a heating blanket and makes a perfect napping place. He has learned that hubs' putting green in the family room makes a fantastic scratching post for his claws that I trimmed today. He has learned that I get angry at him and his nose gets hit and I say 'NO' in a very firm tone when he starts chewing on cords, especially my mouse cord. He is learning that we do not like our toes licked nor played with nor bitten. That lesson I think will take a bit to learn.

But hubs and son need to learn that when I am working at the computer, it is not the time to suddenly get tired of watching him and decide to dump him on my desk which in turn had Trouble knocking my glass of water onto everything on my desk and saturating it and my keyboard and adding machine.

It actually reminded me of today's sermon -

By jumping to a conclusion that was logical but untrue, one can come dangerously close to unnecessary conflict. The Israelites did the same thing. They were ready to go to war because they wrongly assumed that the altar built by their brothers was a sign of rebellion against God (Josh. 22:9-34). To avoid making wrong judgments, we must be careful to get the facts right.

When you’re forming your opinions,
Do it carefully—go slow;
Hasty judgments oft are followed
By regretting—that I know.
—Anon.

Maybe my thinking of it as I was cleaning up the full glass of water covering my desk was to remind me not to spew forth the words that were definitely building in my mouth. I thought them though.

Kittens - where do they get so much energy? I want and need to bottle it. The picture above is only 1 that actually turned out because when he is awake, he is never still.

Trouble

Meet Trouble - our new 9 week old male kitten. Trouble was aptly named by his previous owners and we promised the boys we wouldn't change his name.

As for the reception in the house from the other animals:
Tigger (our 9 year old female cat): disdain - yeah so what

Bella (our 7 year old female granddog English bulldog): dinner - of course we aren't allowing the 2 close yet.

Brittney (our 8 year old female granddog English bulldog): snack - also not allowing her close yet either.

Trouble is either spending his time exploring the house or in my arms sleeping which he loves.

Meniere's Disease

I was diagnosed with this 6 years ago. It was a diagnosis of exclusion and I think every possible test was run at the time, then every year. It wasn't until about 3 years ago when I was put on the treatment for Meniere's Disease that my symptoms decreased although they are pretty constant on a day to day basis.

My symptoms range from a mild tinnitus and dizziness which I have learned to control on a day to day basis to full blown where I am pretty much incapacitated and need to hold on to another person just to walk and stabilize myself. I haven't had a full blown attack now in 6 years. Even though I have not had a full blown attack, I have what I call 'episodes' when I have a cold or allergies that increase the fluid in my ear. Those with Meniere's disease have a problem with keeping the fluid drained from the ear so any increase with allergies or a cold just makes it worse.

Right now I have a fall cold brought on my allergies and probably viral in nature. I went to the doctor this afternoon because I could no longer hear out of my right ear and I was having severe pain from all the fluid. I couldn't get the fluid to drain with a normal decongestant. Due to the increased amount of fluid behind my eardrum, the doctor put me on an antibiotic and a strong decongestant to help drain my ear which has a problem all on its own keeping drained.

So meeting the kitten is postponed for tonight until tomorrow after work. These meds better work fast because I have to work all day tomorrow.

Fall New TV Shows

Oops - missed a day posting. Contrary to the title of this post, I have not been watching the new fall TV shows. I have a few taped but haven't watched them yet.

Have been way too busy and honestly, been working on my newsletter that needs to be in the mail next week. Yes, you read that right. I decided I didn't have enough going on in my life that I needed to add another thing to do. I am now the newspaper editor of 4 publications per year for a group I am a part of. Now in this case, the newspaper editor is somewhat of a misleading title - out of 8 full pages, I had 2 contributing authors whose articles amounted to one half of one page. The rest was all me. Next newsletter hopefully is going to be me the one half of one page and contributors the rest. Wish me luck because I think I will need it. Seems no one told me about the Executive Director who has final say on what goes in or not and of course she fine picked through the 8 pages looking for mistakes in either spelling or grammar or whatever floated her boat. I got back all 8 pages with a red marker outlining my mistakes. I felt like I was in grade school. I asked her if I got a grade too. She doesn't have a sense of humor so my stint as Editor might be real short.

We also lost the bid for the dogs - we needed to install a 8 foot privacy fence (seems the husky can CLIMB the chain link fences) and that is a no can do in our area. So instead I am looking at kittens. Will let you know if they materialize although they are real and the one above is the one we are looking at. One of the granddoggies is sick and gramma is the one who diagnosed her :) She is now on antibiotics so by the time we get them for 2 weeks beginning the 30th, she will be feeling better.

Other than that - happy TGIF cuz I have to work this weekend!!

Helping Others

It always makes one feel good when they help others. I am no different although I don't have a clue as to how I helped you on some of these things you used as search terms to get to my site. I am not sure I want to know either.

Only a few:
1. This is the top one - doodling. It could be circles, boxes, squares, triangles lines with and without arrows, hearts, straight lines, flowers, your name or other's names or your name with other's names, stars, fingers, eyes, 3 dimensional stacked boxes, diagonal line crossing, physiology doodles squares, what you doodles say about you, why we doodle, etc. I was pretty amazed at your fascination with doodling although I would like to know why we doodle and if you find the answer, let me know.

2. The next one was text 101 and amazingly enough - this page was bookmarked quite a lot. I think parents are as confused at the gibbley gook as I am.

3. My beef base recipe was next. I heart this recipe. Hope you liked it.

4. Sundown syndrome - gosh I sure know a whole lot about this. I could probably write a paper on how to be a caretaker of someone in sundown and not strangle them or tie them to their bed or how not to lose your sanity. I do like the most recent way of preventing my father-in-law from exiting the front door: have the door handle fall off in your hand. Still working on trying to get him from packing every evening or hiding his things so we are always playing hide and seek for his undies, his glasses, etc.

5. One of my favorite quotes: "Life is not measured by how many breaths you take, but by what takes your breath away." What is interesting is what words they put into their search engine for that quote:
"life isn't about the amount of breaths you take" Sorry to disappoint you but you do need to breathe in order to have life.
"dont count how many breaths you take" Sorry again, but your respiration rate is actually very important medically.
"love is not measured shakespeare" Shakespeare wrote this quote? Really?
"life isnt measured by minutes, but in being the beingness in it" Huh?
"before i die book reviews that life is not about how many breaths you take" Hope I helped you find your answer before you died.

6. Chin hair growth - this ranged from how long to how fast your chin hair grows, to
"how to increase chin whisker growth" to "does obesity cause chin hair" to "developed lump after plucking a hair off my chin" to "white chin hairs hormonal" to "thick neck and chin whiskers menopause" to "15 i am no leg hair" to "how to get rid of bumps on chin after tweezing". Don't quite know what the '15 i am no leg hair' means but hope you found your answer.

The rest were kinda off the wall:
"putting a marker in a breast" Okay - would that be a pink or purple marker? Permanent ink or washable? And why?
"hide my balls" LMAO - someone else hides their balls on them? I thought it was only my son who did that.
"crocka d'potato" Huh? No clue. Maybe hopefully another language?

Then the top two off the wall:
"kitty farts" **snort** I know my granddoggies fart but my cat never farts. Do kittens really fart and which post did I discuss this? But I really need to know because I am looking at adopting a few kittens since I was not eligible to get the dogs because I wouldn't put in an 8 foot fence around my property.
"top 10 dirtiest purse phone" Now I know I talked about the top dirtiest places but this exact phrase was in quotes, meaning that phrase has to be in my blog. What was this on the 30th page of a google search? And what exactly is a purse phone? Can you call your purse's phone? Does it answer?

And people thought I was crazy. Maybe I just attract them.

The Emmy's

I watched the Emmy's on and off tonight - more off than on when I realized these few minor details:

1. I am older than most of the people attending.
2. I know more people that passed away this year than I recognized the people who either walked the red carpet or who were present at the show or who won.
3. Also, I recognized that 10% of the shows acknowledged for an award are shows I have either never heard of or never watched. Kinda creepy that there are a lot of shows recognized out there that I don't watch. Still won't get me to watch them. I have my favorites and they are few.

I conclude then, that not only do I not watch much television anymore but that I am fast becoming ignorant on the topic of television or movies and would need to make sure the next time I play Trivia Pursuit that I have a young person playing on my team.

Top Ten Excuses Not to Pay Your Bill

This was statement week aka hell week. It has always amazes me how many people know they will owe money to us, receive an explanation of benefits from their insurance company stating exactly how much they owe us, yet protest if I dare send them a bill.

The top 10 excuses this week:
10. "I got this bill from you but I am not sure what to do with it".

9. "I am protesting my bill. I think the insurance company should pay more so get it from them".

8. "Who are you? I have never been to your office".

7. "I don't have any money right now because we are buying a new car".

6. "I would like a payment plan of $5.00 per month". (Their bill was over $1000.00).

5. Sending me a check yet not signing it, or crossing out something without putting your initials above it, or filling in one number yet writing it out different, or putting last year's date on it, or even better - leave the entire check blank and send it to me.

4. "I'm divorced and my ex is supposed to pay that bill per the divorce decree". (Not a valid excuse - we saw you not your ex. Collect it from the ex AFTER you pay us).

3. "We did not receive a statement". But wait - you are calling me about your statement you are now stating you did not receive?

2. "I paid it already - check #1234 a year ago." My answer: "No - check #1234 went to pay such and such dates. This statement is for this year and this date".

and the one I consider the #1 excuse this week and actually the best of all time:
"You forgot to put a stamp on the return envelope and until you send me a stamp, I won't pay my bill". They are getting another statement along with a $15.00 monthly billing charge added to their prior bill and will get that until they pay their bill without me sending them a single stamp.

TGIF

If I drank alcohol, this would be my drink of choice tonight.

Long day.

Good news: we have gone through the initial screening for adopting the 4 dogs. Now we await when we can actually meet them.

Bad news: I don't drink so:

Good news: Have quite a few for me!

Temptation

Most of you don't know but hubs and I have been looking to adopt a cat or dog or both. We had narrowed our search down to 4 cats and 4 dogs from a local shelter when we learned a friend of our daughters was moving and needed to find a home for her dog. We turned our attention then to the 8 year old male dog of hers (Lab and spaniel mix).

Only that fell through. So we were going to start searching again.

Then I ran across an article in the paper. 4 dogs for adoption - preferably to stay together. Okay, normally this wouldn't interest me that much - that is, until I read whose dogs they were. I know their former owners. I went to grade school and high school with the man. He was a really special and nice guy. They were his and his wife's dogs. They were recently killed in a motorcycle accident. The dogs names are Tacoma, Cedonia, Everett and Anacortes.

OMG I can't resist. Look at those poor eyes of those 4 dogs - just reaching down into my heart and tempting me. How could anyone resist?

Dementia - Dentist

I bet you are wondering what those two have in common. Well, they have my inlaws in common. Today son and I took them to get their flu shots then to the dentist to get their teeth cleaned.

Hubs has been at a surgical symposium for the past 3 days which was great for me to get things done around the house that I don't have time to do while working, to make some dishes that are usually reserved for days off because they are time involved, and then today when son and I were with the inlaws.

FIL's dementia has increased. He only recognized his wife but didn't know her name -just called her wife. I turned from a Gina into a Jeannie and son turned into a Dennis. No clue where any of those names came from except the Gina (she was a bridesmaid in my inlaw's wedding). Most of the time I deliberately schedule his visits to doctors, etc during the lunch hour so we can take him out for lunch and have him to his home before 3pm when his sundown tends to hit. Unfortunately, the dentist appointment today we could not change so it was after 4pm when we were done.

Getting the flu shot was no different than his normal 1-2 minute short term memory span. The dentist though was a whole different ballgame.

Getting your teeth cleaned involves holding still while the hygienist cleans your teeth. No problem usually unless you have a child or you have a dementia patient whose mental alertness has sharply declined. He kept interrupting the girl and kept trying to leave the chair. I finally got him to stay by just talking non-stop about anything and everything but repeating the fact that we were at the dentist, he was getting his teeth cleaned, and he couldn't talk until she was done - so he could remember for the next minute.

Finally we were done and the dentist came in to check his teeth and pointed out that he has 3 new cavities and wants us to schedule another appointment to take care of them. So I delivered FIL to MIL and son and told son to watch them both and I went back to talk to the dentist. I patiently explained that FIL is 91, that he could hear and see the dementia, that the cleaning was hard enough to get through, that FIL's heart is failing, and was it really truly necessary to attempt to fill those 3 cavities? I mean what is the worst that could happen? They were small cavities. The dentist said that we just have him brush and floss more and if FIL developed an abscess then we would have to fill the cavities. Fine - sure - okay - let's make the 6 month appointment.

In the meantime, FIL is giving son and MIL a hard time in the waiting room. I overhear son telling his grandfather that I would be right out and then take him home (where he wanted to go). MIL had her leg over FIL's legs holding him down in the chair. Appointment made, bill paid, and son and I took them home. FIL told us this isn't the way home. I said: "Well, I need to stop real quick at someone's house to drop something off but I promise to be quick". He relented. But to give you an idea of how confused he was today - thank goodness for childproof locks on the back doors of cars otherwise FIL would have had the door open every time we stopped at a light.

We get to his house and I tell him that we have to go in to give them what I had for them (in reality him but he didn't realize that). He protested at first saying all he wanted to do was go home and I said: "Well, I think you will like going inside but I promise I will only stay a minute". He bought it and didn't catch on that I wasn't staying. We went in. Now usually he doesn't recognize the outside of the home where he is living but once inside he is fine. Today we were in full sundown syndrome at 4pm and he didn't recognize anyone or anything in the house. Thank goodness for dementia and the 1 minute memory because one of the aids was able to distract him with his 'package' (his new toothbrush and floss) and we were able to escape without histrionics.

Son and I dropped off MIL and made sure her pills were okay since she has a tendency to not take them, and urge her to fill the prescription for the Detrol which we put her on a few weeks ago and was working (she was no longer incontinent). I heated her up the meatloaf and au gratin potatoes I brought her and sliced a tomato from our garden so she had dinner. Then son and I took off for home.

I didn't realize how much repeating myself for FIL had affected me until son says not 5 minutes after we were back in the car: "Uh, mom, I have a brain and can remember. I don't need to be told how to get home every 2 minutes."

Dementia might be contagious.

But seeing how much FIL has declined over the past 3 weeks was hard even logically knowing that he will eventually get to a point he won't recognize anyone. I can't even imagine what it is like for his spouse of 61 years to see it.

Fall Starting in Chicagoland

A few weeks ago when we were in the Lake Geneva area, we noticed the trees starting to change. Typically, that is early for even Wisconsin and that was the end of August. Trees have now started to change around us, especially the smaller trees and the sugar maple.

I think of all the trees that are the prettiest in the fall are the sugar maple with its bright red and yellows; the popular tree with its gold colors; the ash with its orange, red, and purple colors; the oak tree with its deep red; the aspen tree with its bright yellow color; and a maroon one I have yet to identify.

This is taken from a ledge overlooking Lake Geneva and the tour boat:


This was taken on our way home:


I will update you with pics as the trees in our area change more than the above.

Ankle Surgery

Well, I made the call and postponed my surgery that was to happen on 9-24. Why? Because my husband wants me to get a 2nd opinion - he feels that my surgeon has had 3 tries to fix my ankle and it's still not done. Me - I trust my doctor. But to shut husband up, I agreed to postpone the surgery until I get him around to my way of thinking.

In the meantime I am waiting.

I thought long and hard to find the silver lining or good part of postponing it.

Then I remembered.

If I time the rescheduling right, I can get out of cooking Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Guess who will have to do it then? Yep there are repercussions going against what I want! But guess who will end up doing all the cooking? Yep moi! I am just like that.

Yeah, liking this postponement!

Attitude

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

“It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect it’s successful outcome.”
William James

"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."
Martha Washington

"Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. The way you thing about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are."
Norman Vincent Peale

"The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind." Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

"Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost."
Robert H. Schuller

"Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force."
Tom Blandi

"I am convinced that attitude is the key to success or failure in almost any of life's endeavors. Your attitude-your perspective, your outlook, how you feel about yourself, how you feel about other people-determines you priorities, your actions, your values. Your attitude determines how you interact with other people and how you interact with yourself."
Carolyn Warner

Once a Mom - Always a Mom

I remember thinking when I was young that I was going to have this magnificent relationship with my own child. Then of course, I became a mother. I slowly learned that children, like parents, are not perfect and there is no perfect person. I also learned that my children didn't tell me things just like I didn't tell my parents everything I did or went.

I try to remember this and keep it in mind when dealing with my kids. Daughter has been staying here at with us and while we love her to be here, it's hard when a 29 year old daughter comes home even for a few days. I am trying not to revert back to the mommy mode. She is going out tonight with her girlfriend who was her maid of honor and an honorary daughter to us since I have known her since she was in kindergarten.

I tried. I really did. But I found this erupting from my lips: "What time are you going to be home? Where are you going? Who will be there?"

Daughter looked at me. I looked at her. Then I said, "Wait, who said that?"

She did tell me where she was going.......what she was doing was a whole lot more interesting than what I had planned for the night. She was going to a sex toy party. She wouldn't take me. Yes, I asked. So I told her to bring a brochure back for me. Her response: "Lalalalalala. TMI......I don't want to know."

Guess I should take her lead - TMI.

But then that wouldn't be me..............snicker........once a mother - always a mother - one who wants to know who, what, where, why, when - no matter how old they get. And she will always be the child - NOYB.

Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?

Some of these questions - I would have to resoundingly answer nope! Can you answer them?

1. There are 7 girls on a bus.
Each girl has 7 backpacks.
In each backpack, there are 7 big cats.
For every big cat there are 7 little cats.
Question: How many legs are there in the bus?

2. What is the largest South American country by area?

3. A heptagon is a shape with how many sides?

4. How long is one regular term for a U.S. representative?

5. True or false: A turtle is an amphibian?

6. Part of a person’s sleep cycle is called a REM cycle. What does REM stand for?

7. Who was the first US President to get impeached?

So how many did you get right?

DNR

Last week when I took inlaws to the doctor, we learned that FIL's heart has again weakened. The doctor strongly suggested that we get a full DNR legal order for him instead of the legal one we currently have which limits what is done. They (his doctor and the cardiologist) do not see him lasting even until Christmas without a pacemaker and his heart isn't strong enough for the surgery and at 91, he isn't a candidate for the pacemaker.

BIL had been on vacation so I waited until he called us to let us know he and his wife were back before I gave him the news and what the doctor was asking for. Just not a subject that is easy to discuss and definitely not one to bring up while someone is on vacation.

I deal with this all the time with nursing and especially when I worked hospice nursing. My husband and I have living wills already along with healthcare power of attorneys. A DNR means Do Not Resuscitate, a legal binding document that states resuscitation should not be attempted if a person suffers cardiac or respiratory arrest. It is preferable that the person sign the document themselves but in cases of mental incompetency like my FIL, the healthcare power of attorney can make the decision. Instead of just my husband making the decision, we are involving husband's brother in the decision but not FIL's wife aka my MIL.

There are no right and wrong answers to deciding on a DNR, and until you face a situation like this, it is difficult to anticipate the kinds of choices we’d or want others to make on our behalf. One should always voice their preference before facing this type of thing but realize that what you might think today, might not be what you think tomorrow, or the next day. One's health can change dramatically throughout the course of an illness and our choices might then also change.

But be ready for the discussion. I can't stress how important this is. In the past week, a dear friend along with his family's approval, made the hard decision to enter hospice and sign a DNR (my prayers are with you Charlie!). This week it is my husband and his brother making the decision for their father. One can never know what is going to happen from one day to the next - as in the case of someone I have known from grade school through high school: said friend and his wife were involved in a car accident. Both were critically injured. Both were put on life support. The family made the decision to withdraw life support yesterday. I will be attending their wake this Friday.

It is important and the time to think about and do these things is NOW!

I.Am.Missing.My.Balls.

Yes, you read that title correctly. Once again, my family plays perverse games with me and hide my balls. They take great pleasure in it. They laugh at me going around searching the house until such time I scream: "Who has my balls?"

I think they wait for that. They both (husband and son) get a huge laugh out of me screaming that.

They do it on purpose. They have even corrupted Tigger (our cat) and yes, now even Tigger loves to play with my balls.

I actually asked for more balls for Christmas and got another 2 sets of 2. That makes 3 sets of 2 balls for my house. You would think I could find even one set of balls! But no, not if you live in my house.

Okay, before you commit me or increase my medications or think I am crazier than you already do - this is what I am talking about:

Dryer balls are a unique product designed to leave your clothes soft and static free as well as make the process of doing laundry more economical. Dryer balls are relatively large rubber balls about 3 inches (7.6 cm)in diameter that have rubber spikes on the surface. When placed in the dryer among the wet laundry the dryer balls help to lift and separate the clothes reducing static and drying time as well as leaving the clothes soft and fluffy. Technically the dryer balls work by improving the circulation of heat and air through the wet items.

Yeah - what they said.

I.HEART.MY.BALLS.

Book Review - The Pact by Jodi Picoult

There are very few authors I absolutely adore and are auto buys for me (Ann Vremont, Eva Gale, Cindy Cruciger, Dakota Cassidy, Richard Preston, Tess Gerritson, Kristin Hannah - just to name a few). I have now added Jodi Picoult.

Every single book I have read of Jodi Picoult's I have loved. The subjects she writes about are real and pertain to what is going on in the world today. She especially likes controversial topics and she takes those topics and spins a story so well that we get inside each character. She puts a face and heart to each of her characters and so much so that one forgets that this story is fiction. Her research is brilliant. I have a hard time putting one of her books down even to eat.

The Pact was no different. I spent the entire afternoon reading this book, using the excuse my foot hurt so I could stay in bed and read. The excuse worked and I got to read this book in one sitting.

The story is about two teens - Emily Gold and Chris Harte who grew up together and were inseparable. At first we are led to believe that there is a suicide pact between the two; however, Chris survives, Emily dies and the aftermath devastates two families who have been so much a part of each other's lives that they became 'family' for the past 18 years. The book is the story of what happened which, of course, we don't find out until the very end of the story, and in true Picoult tradition, that is the twist. It is a story about teenage suicide, but also sub-stories of sex abuse, issues of teenage sex, depression and family relationships. It is a story that makes you realize that although you can live with someone and be close to them, you will never really know 'all of them'. There are parts of ourselves we keep to ourself and at times, do not even allow us to acknowledge that part of us.

I love the way in which Picoult tells her stories - in flashbacks - so we understand the message she imparts for each character. Every single story also has a legal portion to it and to date, each story I have read of hers, shows how unfair our justice system can be. I also like that she uses the same lawyer and his wife in every story - it's like continuity. In this book, Chris is accused of the murder of Emily and sits in jail for almost a year waiting for his trial to begin. You realize that Picoult is right, that no matter the verdict, his life will never be the same.

I read some of the reviews on this book and there was one comment that really got me:

p.s. I'm starting to think that their last names were Harte and Gold because each and every character had a heart of gold (except, maybe Melanie, but that's just because she was kind of a jerk to Gus)

Be warned - this book stays with you long after you put it down just as every single book of Picoult's does to me, and just like every single one of the author's I listed above do to me. They reinforce to me that I am a reader, not a writer.

How to Earn a Polished Halo

My halo becomes tarnished every now and then. I know why but won't change the way I am. This is one way I think it becomes nice and polished again - or at least I hope I am earning some brownie points somewhere.

This is just a few of the conversations and the way I spent Friday with the inlaws, taking them for their doctor appointments then to lunch.

Picking up FIL:
Me: "Hi, L, are you ready to go?"
FIL: "Well, hi there. It is nice to see you! Where are we going? Where is my wife?"
Me: "Your wife is in the car. We are going to see the doctor then go get some lunch."
FIL: "Who are you?"
Me: "Who do you think I am? Do you remember my name?"
FIL: "Well, I think you are Gina."
Me: "No, I am your daughter-in-law and married to one of your sons."
FIL: "Okay, Gina."
Me: "My name is not Gina. My name is V. Now let's get ready to leave. Where is your cane?"
FIL: "Where are we going? Where is my wife? Who are you?"
Me: "Your wife is in the car. Let's go see her." I grabbed his cane and walked him outside to the car where he sees his wife.
FIL: "Oh there you are." (seeing his wife) "Gina is here. Who is driving my car?"
Me: "I am V, remember? The person driving your car is your grandson, J."
Except for the where is my wife, this was repeated as soon as the above sentence was finished, until we arrived at the doctor's office.

We are now inside the doctor's office where he turns into this quiet non-questioning person who seems to be as lucid as I am (although at this point I doubt my lucidity). MIL goes for an x-ray for her hip (she neglected to mention to me that she had fallen down the basement stairs a few days prior and she is complaining of groin pain.) FIL and I stayed in the exam room.

FIL looking at the top of the desk next to his chair, sees a tube of KY jelly and picks it up and reads the label. He quickly puts it back down again and says: "Is this for me? I know where they use that."
Me: "No, it was out for another person" (not wanting to mention it was for MIL).
FIL: "Good." He then proceeds to wipe his brown, then sits quietly with his hands folded for 1 minute, then looks over to the top of the desk, sees the tube of KY, picks it up, reads the label, and the whole conversation repeats. EVERY MINUTE.
Oh and he was still on calling me Gina.

We then went to TGIF's and when I asked him what he wanted to eat, we went into the hamburger with cheese that is not a cheeseburger routine again.

So the entire day he is calling me Gina. But for some unknown reason only known to a dementia mind, he remembers the KY jelly and repeats the KY jelly conversation the rest of the day.

Now let's go to MIL. Remember I said she had fallen down the stairs? Well, there was a strong urine smell at the house when I picked her up. I went over some of the things she had written down for the doctor (10 pages long) which all basically came down to 5 points. It was in this note that I found out she had fallen and found out she had become incontinent of urine. It seems she has been using hand towels as a diaper then wraps the outside with grocery bags so the towel filled with urine doesn't leak. When I asked her why she doesn't just get pads for that purpose - she responds that this is cheaper. As to why she is incontinent - that is another matter.

So her x-ray came back normal with just arthritis. I had visions of her having broken her hip and me living with them for a while. So she ended up with more medications which she was protesting and I pretty well told her that I was going to be monitoring her prescription refills at the pharmacy and if anything was not refilled (things she has been doing), that I would put her into a home too. She protested and said I couldn't do that. I said, try me. (She was not filling her heart medication or her anxiety medication because they were too expensive. Her son, hub's brother, took charge of all her bills, etc and we have allotted the money for the medications.) As a result of her not filling her prescriptions, her medical condition has declined, which has led to her incontinence and probable another stroke and also there was too much strain on her heart. It also has resulted her in anxiety levels being so high that she is not sleeping but instead calling me around 10-20 times a day and into the night. The doctor also upped FIL's memory drugs although they are just to hold him, not improve the short term memory that is gone and will never return.

Another interesting thing we learned yesterday - at the group dementia home FIL is in, when one tries to open the front door, the door knob falls off thus preventing us from exiting the front door. We had just thought it was broken until one of the owners told us why it was like that. Seems FIL learned how to unlock the protective locks at the top of the door and would try to 'go home' when he went into sundown syndrome. So the owners deliberately removed the screw to the door knob so he can't get out but others can get in. The sliding glass door and the door into the garage he hasn't figured out yet.

I then went to my own doctor's appointment and after another diagnostic injection in my ankle, surgery for 9-24 was set.

I think I might have earned wings today along with polishing my halo. I just hope Gina didn't get the polishing instead of me.

Happy Full Moon!

Will blog tomorrow about day with inlaws - on a full moon. Yes - it was nuts and I was nuts to do it. Need to decompress.

Crazy Days and People

Why do some people who are up feel that if they are up, then everyone has to be up too?

I went to bed early last night. I was wiped out. Phone rings at 1:30AM. It's the hospital for my husband concerning a patient of ours. The reason they called? To tell him that the test he had ordered was done that day and they were calling with the results. Note - the test was done in the early afternoon. We got the test results and signed off on them during hospital rounds last evening. THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO NEED FOR THE PHONE CALL.

Then at the ungodly hour of 5:30AM - ANOTHER PHONE CALL FOR THE SAME EXACT THING! This time they heard from me - even my employees know not to ever wake me up unless you are dying. I am not a morning person - at least that early.

Long long long day that included hubs visit to the urologist and got the all clear for another 4 months pending the blood test results and a full day of patients and phone calls from the loonies that are coming out of the woodwork for tomorrow's full moon.

Tomorrow is another dementia day. Yep - spending the day with inlaws - this time for doctor's appointments.

I need sleep.

Food and Mood

So what do they have in common besides that they rhyme? Well, did you know that food affects your mood and your mood affects what you eat? I didn't.

Does this happen in your house? It does in mine.
"What do you want to eat?"
"I don't know. What do you want to eat?"
"I dunno. I don't know if I feel like cooking."
"Well, do you want to go out?"
"I guess!"
"Okay, great!"
"Umm, where do you want to eat?"
"I don't know. Where do you want to eat?"
"I don't know. What do you want to eat?"
"I don't know. What are you in the mood for?"
"Umm, I don't know....."

You are all so hungry, and yet everyone is so indecisive. You have a craving for something, though not so sure what, and you can't decide if you want to cook at home or go out to eat. We've all been in this vicious circle of a conversation before. So what does one do?

When the kids were small, the decisions were always made by me. Yet hubs would come home and bitch complain that he didn't like what I had made. He would get "the look" then and he still gets it. Now I make him partake of the decisions and I get to veto them.

But we have all been in this predicament. Not sure what we are in the mood for and not sure if you want to even go out. From my own personal experience, decisions as to where and what to eat comes with how starved I am at the time. Getting to the point of no return almost inhibits my ability to decide where to eat.

Like tonight. Hubs had 'choir practice' and so it was son and me for dinner. I had a taste for mac and cheese with grilled chicken. But no one makes it like I do and I didn't really want to go out or order out. I had a taste for mac and cheese in my brain but I didn't want to make it but I couldn't get it out of my brain.

I wanted it served to me on a nice neat platter while someone else was massaging my feet.....okay - one can fantasize.

What did son and I end up with? I made my mac and cheese and threw some leftover grilled chicken on top. Son grilled himself a hamburger and had some of my mac and cheese.

Why did we end up eating what we did? Believe it or not, there is actually a reason and a connection to how I was feeling and what I craved.

Protein which comes from meat, dairy, eggs, cheese, fish, beans. The neurotransmitter effect is dopamine and norepinephrine. Eating protein then increases alertness and concentration.

Carbohydrates come from grains, fruits, sugars. The neurotransmitter effect is serotonin. Carbohydrates then cause increased calmness and relaxation.

Excess calories come from all foods but especially those high in fat. The neurotransmitter effect is reduced blood flow to the brain. Excess calories cause decreased alertness and concentration after your meal.



So I craved mac and cheese so I wanted to increase my alertness and concentration yet be calm and relax. Yep that is what I wanted. Added bonus - mac and cheese is a comfort food for me.

So don't be a moody foodie - the most effective way to stabilize mood is to eat a balanced diet of protein, carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables, and limit sugar, fat, and alcohol. Coupled with exercise, this will keep levels of endorphins, the brain's feel-good chemicals, steady.

Are You Morbid?

I confess. I read the obituaries every day in 3 papers and once a week in 3 other papers. Most people who admit that they read them daily say that they do so to ensure that they are not amongst those listed (yeah right! - sounds good). But that's not why I read them.

The 3 once a week are those from the hometowns of my MIL and parents to see if any of either my or my husband's relatives have passed. They are once a week because that is how many times per week that paper is published (kinda makes it nice and easy on me). The 3 papers I read daily are local papers and the Chicago Tribune to see if any of our patients are in it. Once I started doing it many moons ago, I find I now do it because I have to. If I go anywhere, when I get home, I check out each paper for every day I was gone. Sometimes, I am very covert about indulging this little perversion when I am around others. Some call me weird.

I actually find obituaries interesting. I am always astonished at how much they tell about someone yet don't. Yes, they give you details about the person and who their relatives are, but they never tell you about the person - why they died, what they liked, etc. They are usually brief and to the point, citing specifics only. But in those specifics you find out they were say a war veteran, or attended a specific church, or liked a particular charity and I make up the rest in my mind.

I like the wordy ones and those with a photo - but not one of when they were 20 yet died when they were 90 - that to me is just wrong.

So then I began to wonder what would happen if I died. Who would write my obituary and what would it say? Would my survivors pay the extra money for a lengthier and more personalized tribute? Would they include a photo of me and, if so, at what age? And who would see it? Would anyone from my past see my name and perhaps my photo and think of me - perhaps a thought with a memory attached? What about people who knew of me, but who never spoke to me, like people from high school or grade school for example?

I got the idea then - why can't I write my own obituary? It would be my chance to say what I want others to know about me and I would get the last say in who I am. So I did it plus I write a letter to my kids and husband once a year. They are in sealed envelopes in my will envelope in our safe. I have even gone as far as picked out my favorite songs I want played during my service and where the service would be and who would officiate.

People might call me morbid. I say that we are all living on borrowed time. Why not leave a living legacy for your survivors - a piece of yourself - have the last word?

Plus we all know I like having the last word!