Promises Kept - #8 Inlaws

I looked over the rest of what I needed to post about and figured this might be both the easiest yet the hardest.

It is hard to see someone you know no longer know who you are. FIL is living in the 1940's we think. He vacillates but doesn't have a clue who his wife is, his 2 children nor their wives, nor his 2 grandchildren. He has no clue his granddaughter got married and he now has a great granddaughter.

If you ask him how he is, he says fine - his pat answer. Ask him how the Bears or the Cubs are doing and he gives his pat answer: "They could do better" which interestingly enough is always correct. Ask him who we are and he looks at us, says he should know, but then puts his hand over his head and says "Whoosh"! That is his answer if he has to give any answer. He now has to be reminded to eat and that even though he is thirsty he can't put his head under the faucet to drink. He doesn't know he isn't allowed to get out of bed and go climb into another resident's bed. He is living in his own world. Sometimes I wonder what that would be like but then realize I would have no idea because I wouldn't know any better or anything actually. It is hard to visit with him now yet we go - more for us I think, knowing that although he has no clue we are there, we do and for us that is all that matters. I think we all feel that it is what we would want happen to us if this ever does happen to us. It gives us comfort of some measure. He is now 96 and I have no idea how he has lasted this long. His heart is only functioning at a 13% level. He is always out of breath.

Now MIL - it is said and proven that as one ages, they revert back in time. While most revert back to say their native language, my MIL has reverted back to a back stabbing vicious speaking nasty smelly woman. OMG does she smell!!! Half the problem is that she constantly dribbles urine. She recognizes this but won't wear pads. Instead she takes washcloths and uses them and interchanges them throughout the day, leaving the urine soaked ones laying anyway and everywhere - tables, floors, kitchen counters, you name it you will find one or more. We went to pick her up for Mother's Day lunch and we made her change her clothes 4 times before she came out in something that didn't smell like urine. She has no idea she smells. We have had to enforce shower or bath days because she will go weeks without bathing and uses spray Lysol to try and cover up the smells. She has ruined 3 cell phones I gave her. I refuse to give her another - cheap prepaid ones are less costly. She doesn't use them anyway. She exposed film in her camera to get it out so she could develop it to show FIL pictures of their great granddaughter's 1st birthday party. She was pissed it didn't work and was screaming at the poor store's worker that he is the one who screwed up her pictures. That was another hour trip out to handle and another hour there then an hour home. Her other son and my husband still won't put her in a home - no clue why - so I have pretty well wiped my hands of her.

Things came to a head for granddaughter's 1st birthday party. My husband insisted she come so he drove the hour out to get her and the hour back to the party where he dumped her next to me to watch. She proceeded to dump a full cup of lemonade all over a wood antique coffee table which went onto a carpet then onto a wood floor. She then went to the formal dining room where my family was sitting and peed on the chairs there, then to the kitchen table where she peed there. I finally had enough and told husband to take her home. We are still at a standstill on what to do with her. She forgets to take pills and my pill counts I do monthly for her are off. Oh the pills are not there but they are put back into bottles or she hoards them in other places so when the other son goes over she refills her bottles with the pills she doesn't take. She is also still going around to any open house at places she has no intention of buying into (assisted living places or retirement centers) just to get free food. Yes she still drives. It took her 14 times to pass her latest drivers test. She was proud she finally did. I question the state facility in that they let that lady keep her license while she was retaking the test. But does this prompt either son to put her into an assisted place yet? Nope.....not even the fact that she leaves gas burners on all the time on the stove or microwaves metal items. Want to know what she gave her only great granddaughter for her birthday? Not money like normal people would - no my MIL went to the Salvation Army and bought statues that were broken for her then bragged about how cheap they were.

**sigh**

Inspirational Sunday - Happy Father's Day!

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.
                                            By Victor Frankl

I subscribe to a daily inspirational quote and this was today's. At first it provoked a lot of deep thoughts and internal reflection. Then it came to me. This is so appropriate to be today's quote for me.

I 'walk to my own drummer' so to speak. Always have. Always will. Even the name of this blog is My View, My Opinion, My Blog. There was a reason I named it that. My thought processes have always been different.

I acknowledge that this is Father's Day. I honor the man who gave me birth. Do I call him Dad? Yes. But was he ever a father to me? No. I was physically and mentally abused by him. I learned to forgive him years ago but I never have forgotten. I have a hard time feeling "mushy" toward him. I will hug him. I will call him every week or so and I did call him for Father's Day although as usual we got into an argument because I disagreed with him on the definition of what the Affordable Care Act's definition of a wellness check means. Did I get through to him? No way. He has his own definitions and at almost 81 is right regardless of how wrong he is. But would I ever consider doing anything with him for Father's Day? No! As for my husband's father - he has very advanced dementia. We saw him last week. His other son was visiting today since he can't have many visitors at the same time.

Instead I honor my husband who was there for our kids. Who noticed what they did - both for their failures and their accomplishments and loved them anyway. We have 2 very different children. And now we have a grandchild. The husband of my daughter (my son-in-law) and thus my daughter and now my granddaughter are never with us for any holiday - they are with his parents. This works for my daughter and works for my husband and I. We celebrated doing what my husband loves today: getting the week's chores done because there is no other day to do them in with working 6 days a week. That is our choice. We don't go boating nor do we own a boat or a vacation home nor do we spend money on that type of thing. My daughter thinks we are boring. That is her choice to make.

Instead we all went to church together this morning then came home and I made breakfast, In the afternoon my husband and son and I chipped in and did the work together as a family: by mowing the grass, grocery shopping for the week, then my son grilled chicken on the grill and shucked the corn on the cob while I made mashed potatoes and cooked the corn. Dessert was brownies. Our son gave his dad a card. I gave my husband a homemade card. Right now we are doing laundry.

A very good day, being who we are, and being a family, without fuss or glory, yet we made it a special day for my husband.