Sunday, December 19, 2010

Inspirational Sunday - Living vs Existing


Today's inspirational thoughts are about living vs existing. The stress levels in my life are at an all time high. I am frustrated trying to get things ready for Christmas without taking a day off because I can't. By Friday at noon, all shopping has to be done and wrapped, cookies made, lasagna made, and all carted to MIL's house for their Christmas (dinner is at high noon with presents right after). We are taking off and coming home early so I have to have another meal thought out and prepared for the evening for just the 5 of us. We will then have a gift exchange then go to candlelight service. Christmas day we will be alone but starting the prep for Christmas at my dad's with my entire family and there lies another long story.

I haven't been posting much at all. Frankly I am not only exhausted after working 12 hours 5-6 days a week, but dealing with being non-weight bearing again is really frustrating. Hopping on the left knee that I just had surgery on in July also has flared up the pain there. My one sister then decided to make a difficult Christmas (this is the 1st since my mother died) even more difficult by asking us for our good memories or thoughts of our mother as she is putting it into her Christmas present to each of us. I tried but I couldn't come up with any good memories. All I saw was anger at my sister for being the main reason why I closed by other blog and her contempt to me for my feelings. I wrote 3 draft emails before deleting them and writing a simple 'my feelings and thoughts are private and I intend to keep them that way'.

So right now I am just existing. Day to day, trying to just get through the day until I can crawl back into bed and just elevate my leg and go to sleep. I know it can be seen in my eyes and in my actions and in my lack of action. I am only about just trying to get done what needs to be done. Emotionally and physically I can't handle anything else.

This is what I have to change for myself. I know that. I have to take back control of my life and make my changes....instead of letting them run over me. I am trying but just can't get there yet.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Recipe Wednesday - Cheesey Rice

Remember the beer cheese soup I mentioned here?

I save the extra soup and 1-3 days later I use that soup to make a really good cheesey rice and will serve it with meatloaf.

Ingredients
2 cups cooked white rice (You can use instant, long grain, the steam bags you heat in the microwave, whatever you have or like)
¾ cup reheated Beer Cheese Soup
¼ cup shredded cheddar cheese
¼ teaspoon kosher salt
chopped fresh parsley

Directions
Mix hot rice and beer cheese soup. Stir in shredded cheese, kosher salt and fresh parsley. Serve.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Where I have been........


When I looked at the date of my last blog post I couldn't believe it had been so long since I had last posted. My defense? It's been nuts and even more so than normal. The picture above is Mickey Mouse which my awesome doctor drew on my cast :)

You all know the beginning of October I was suddenly down one employee which meant I had to work her hours plus mine plus do all the work she had been doing along with my own work. So my life became nuts. It went even more nuts when I discovered there was no system at the one office she worked at and I didn't. The account numbering system had no system. Instead of asking the patients for their insurance cards, old ones were used from the prior doctor which were wrong so over 60% of the billing was rejected. I vaguely remember posting on this before so won't beat a dead horse.

It took me a little over a month to get a grip on that office and it is still a work in progress although we now have more money coming in so it is supporting itself now. We will be meeting with a website designer to set up a website for it and our other offices since we want to slightly change the age demographics from 85 to a whole lot younger. Now I am not saying there is anything wrong with being 85 but it isn't conducive to a long term practice (over 10 of the first 200 patients have already passed away).

On top of the one office, the other 3 went nuts with surgeries and patients. Then one of my major girls went on vacation - I know - how dare she? Honestly I swear she worked her entire vacation putting in overtime in the 2 weeks prior to her vacation. The first 2 days she was gone things were going good. Then the norovirus hit me, my husband, my son, and our only other office employee all within an hour of each other. We cancelled 5 surgeries that Friday, my pre-op testing, all patients on Saturday, and we all finally surfaced to go back to work Monday although we lost a total of 50 pounds between us.

Monday and Tuesday then of Thanksgiving week were nuts with all 4 offices being smushed with patients. The day before Thanksgiving was my surgery. Now being sick just a few days prior, I was a bit worried my blood tests were going to come out where I couldn't have the surgery but I guess staying on a boiled chicken and carb diet doused with gatorade worked so I was able to have the surgery done.

The surgery which I thought would be an hour long turned into a 3 hour surgery. Seemed I had destroyed more tendons than previously thought. The Artelon used in the subtalar joint was the only thing working. Wish we could have used it for this surgery but I had too little normal tissue left and needed more strength so we had to use a cadaver tendon to replace tendons on the both the inside and outside of the ankle. The surgeon also found the peroneal tendon to be half bad so he took out that portion and replaced it with the cadaver. I now have 3 or 4 more holes in my ankle where the doctor drew the tendons through the bone to anchor them.

Once surgery was done, I went to the recovery room. Normally I am in the recovery room for less than an hour then on my way home. It was my full intention to be at the hospital at 5am for the 7am surgery and home by 10am. Well, I didn't get out of surgery until almost 11. Then I developed an anesthesia reaction. My core body temperature went down to 92 degrees. Yep this hot flashing lady that doesn't even wear a light jacket when it is zero outside is now shivering with an mattress warmer underneath her and an electric blanket on top of her. It was now almost 1pm and I was still in the recovery room and I began to hear talk of putting me into the ICU because my temperature wouldn't come up. I suggested using a warm saline IV (what we use in the ER when someone comes in with hypothermia). It worked and within an hour I was transferred to day surgery to wait until the spinal anesthesia wore off. I had quite a few incidents with overflowing the bedpan and one of my long time friends I went to nursing school with became more intimately knowledgeable of my private areas than I ever anticipated her ever knowing. I was finally able to leave the hospital around 4p, came home and immediately crawled upstairs to bed. (Should also mention I had to use a diaper because my midportion was still under anesthesia). Hubs told son he was on diaper duty.

Thanksgiving day brought just son, hubs, and I having a bland meal ourselves. Friday I went downstairs to begin the cappelletti and turkey to take to hubs' mother's home on Saturday. I had to make special cappelletti for FIL since he can't have any salt at all and can only have 6 oz of water the entire 4 hours he was with us. One had to keep a close watch on him because he would look around and if he thought you weren't looking, he would pour your water into his glass. I felt like the water police with him but I knew it was for his own good.

Finally last week the vacationing employee returned and life is starting to settle down again. I am still non-weight bearing and at the end of every 12-14 hour day I crawl upstairs and just go to bed and put my leg way high on the pillows and go to sleep. Yesterday after office hours hubs and I went to the Ornament Remembrance Service for my mother. I still can't believe how often I will just break down in tears. Yesterday's service brought the realization that I never coped with the May surgery - with the pain levels or with anything. I am doing a lot better coping with this surgery although I am working way too many hours for the foot. Should I feel bad that even with all I am coping with, that I am glad the employee that left isn't around? It makes me feel guilty sometimes but then I think of the mess I found and realize it is better this way.

So that's what I have been doing! What about you?