Apologizing

Christ said, "There will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance" (Luke 15:7). Muhammad taught, "A sincere repenter of faults is like him who has committed none."
A quote from Bishop Robert South: "True repentance has a double aspect; it looks upon things past with a weeping eye, and upon the future with a watchful eye."

Whenever I hear the word apologize I think immediately of da' Fonz....who couldn't for the life of him get the words "I'm sorry" to come from his mouth.

The perfect moment to apologize is the moment you realize you've done something wrong. But how many of us really see that we did wrong? We try to protect ourselves from the shame of being wrong and will lie, blame others, and just plain make excuses to justify our actions. It is far easier to see that someone else did wrong. The impulse to wait to see if it will all just blow over though is a sign that you really don't want to say you're sorry. If you can see that, it is time to acknowledge you are wrong.

The theory of apologizing is greater than you can imagine. Just like the Fonz...it is hard to get those words out. But they are 2 of the most powerful words in our vocabulary. It is because of our imperfections that we say and do hurtful things to another. Know that an apology cannot undo the harm already done, but a true apology restores the dignity of the victim. Now the Fonz wouldn't apologize because he saw it as a sign of weakness. He felt that if he did, he handed over power to another. But in reality, refusing to apologize is to refuse to do the right thing and is not a sign of strength but a sign of weakness. After all, one who refuses to say they're sorry acts out of fear, but one who admits they were wrong and asks for forgiveness acts out of courage.

Do you ever wonder how different the world might be if we said "I'm sorry" more? We humans are fragile and imperfect creatures. We are delicate and should be handled with care. Harsh words, critical looks, angry shoves, ignoring requests, etc shatter the person to whom it is directed.

An apology isn't complete unless we take all of the following steps. 1) Apologize quickly because you do not know how soon it will be too late. 2) Admit what you did. 3) Express your sorrow. 4) Be sincere by speaking from the heart and feeling the other's pain. 5) Give the other the opportunity to vent their feelings. 6) Make up for the harm you've done by taking corrective action, offering compensation, or making restitution. 7) Learn from the experience. 8) If your victim accepts your apology, accept their pardon with gratitude.

Apologizing doesn't make us perfect, but it shows our commitment to be honest about our imperfections and steadfast in our efforts to do better. An effective apology is an act of honesty, an act of humility, an act of commitment, an act of generosity, and an act of courage.

What prompted this post? My own experiences with my dental hell. Patients sue for many reasons but basically unless the doctor is totally incompetent, it boils down to communication and it isn't just communication between the doctor and the patient but also the communication of the entire office. You don't realize how many doctors I refuse to go to just because of the office staff. You can be the best greatest doctor of all but if you and/or your office staff are rude or disrespectful I won't go back to see you. If you make me wait, you are disrespecting my time and value.

An apology. That is all I wanted. A simple cknowledgement that how I was treated was wrong. A simple I'm sorry. A simple your case is more complicated than I can handle. Those I would accept. Studies show that if doctors apologized to their patients when they have made a medical error, there would be a lower rate of medical malpractice. In the past I never quite understood this because many many things go into a medical malpractice suit, but now I understand. I am beyond angry. All I want to do is sue.

Office Politics Rant And Rememberance

I don't know about you but when I see or are involved in office politics, I just cringe. It produces images in my brain that make me clean and cook like crazy and keep me awake trying to figure out a solution. What is even worse is when you don't have office politics going on in your own office but between 2 businesses that share an office. That is the position I am currently in.

1 year ago today, our dearest friend passed away. We bought his one practice last year and were both a little creeped out about it (we felt his presence everywhere) and reluctant to change things, and yet very excited about it. It was in a town we first began our marriage and we had fond memories of that time and the town and still had many friends in the area. Geographically it was ideal for us...not too close to either of the other offices but not too far away as to spend an hour commuting between offices. We also hired his widow (our friend) to work for us which has actually turned out fantastic since she has lots of experience and I was able to turn over a lot of the things I did to her.

We rent space in one of our other offices to an internist who is there one day a week, on a day we are not there so there are no problems between the 2 of us. The new office though, is shared with a dentist. We each have our own lease in the same space. Ideally we would love to move this practice to a larger space but because the purchase of the practice was done due to the sudden death of the doctor, we need to keep the business as is for a minimum of 3 years. So this means we have to share the office with the dentist who has 10 part time employees and another dentist who works 2 days a week. Lots of employees to try and get along with.

So we come to office politics, not within our office but between the 2 offices. For the past year, we have had minor problems off and on but were easily handled. Lately though, it was been horrifying. We have a totally different philosophy of practicing than they do. Our schedule is run on time and efficiently so our patients never wait more than 15 minutes if that. We have a policy that if we run more than 15 minutes, you get your copay free that day. The other office: they usually run 1-2 hours late. They are loud and very noisy. Their front office girl has her kids or husband or friends in and out all the time. She wears low cut shirts that are not kind to a 300 pound person nor appropiate for office attire. She is actually the only person we are having a problem with. She is very nosey and wants to know what each of my employees make. She is a back stabbing gossip who loves to cause trouble. She was responsible for cleaning the office. I terminated her from cleaning our side because we have standards and she didn't meet my standards for cleaning. We do our own now plus clean the shared waiting room and bathroom. The main dentist and owner: she is a very nice person, however, she does not like confrontations nor being a boss nor working. She would rather be with her kids or on her horses and can't say that I blame her.

Last week we got 'the letter' stating how bad we are and how she wants us to move out. Hubs tried 2 times to talk to her but she avoided him (to her credit she was busy but she did manage to go into her office and close the door, effectively cutting off any type of communication between the 2 business owners). We are looking into possibly leasing the space next door to our current location and the landlord actually is really up for that since he would get to renegotiate the lease with the other office and raise her rent. But we would have to do a total buildout which would cost us more than we are currently willing to spend right now ($75.00 a square foot and the space is 1500 sq feet).

Hubs answered the letter in a very diplomatic way. I was impressed. No response to the letter yet but last night I went to see another dentist because I am still in dental hell and pain. I had them request my records from the dentist we share the office with. I received a call from new dentist who stated old dentist's office girl (and dentist we share the office with) would not release my records until I paid my bill and paid a fee. Well, not only was the bill was paid and check cashed but one does not mess with someone who knows the rules and how HIPAA law works (HIPAA for those not in the know, is a government law that states how a business keeps your information private. The official name is Health Information Portability and Accountability Act). There is a clause that if a patient asks for their records there is a fee. If another doctor asks for the records they are provided free of charge to the other doctor or health care professional for continuity of care. When I tried to tell her the HIPAA law, she interpreted that as I was threatening her. She would not state anything else on the phone but "don't threaten me" over and over and over. She would not listen to me that I was not threatening her but reading to her her own policy she made me sign about HIPAA, so I hung up. She has since left me 3 messages an hour telling me that her bark is worse than her bite and I will pay for threatening her. Calls to her boss: unanswered. So I called the new dentist and told them that I will continue to try to get my records but that I was willing to pay to have all new x-rays taken.

So in effect, I currently have a bully threatening me. So how far should I take this? I am really not threatened by her. She is plain and simple a bully. But this is creating an office situation that is slowly becoming horrible. Staying out of it is not possible when she is calling me every hour.

So instead of dwelling on this today, I have the honor of reading an authors works in progress for her and later honoring our beloved friend who we lost one year ago today.

We love and miss you Larry! You are always in our hearts.

Procrastination Can Be Motivating

Yep that's me today. I had a list of things I wanted to do today. I was motivated to do them. Instead all I did was procrastinate and create other things to do instead of what I needed to get done. I did manage to clean the upstairs today, mop the kitchen and breakfast room, start laundry, make 4 pans of lasagna and one pot of marinara sauce, make chicken fried steak with mashed tators and milk gravy and butter fried sweet corn and a cucumber onion salad along with a homemade german chocolate cake with homemade coconut pecan frosting. I also managed to finish the billing on 4 of my 5 clients I needed to do. But I procrastinated on doing the one thing that needs to be done for tomorrow: replying to the nasty letter we received from a doctor we share one of our offices with.

So as I sit here contemplating what to write, I find myself researching procrastination. I’m finding that it’s making me more frustrated than ever. So I procrastinate further by coming here and using this to motivate me. Whenever I journal write I find solutions to what I consider my problems. I see my putting off writing the response as a symptom and reflects a personality flaw. But then again, it might have something to do with the fact that her letter just pissed me off and I still haven't gotten over the anger part to get to a meaningful response because I am ambivalent about it. I am pissed that she does not recognize her employee to be what she is....a liar and back stabber. But is it my job to tell her? Or should I take the high road and agree the offices have a personality conflict and therefore there will be no more communication between the 2 girls? See? I just get pissed and react instead of being sensible. I guess I want to win her over to a point of view that is inbetween her thinking and my anger. All of this seems perfectly logical, and perhaps sensible. Why commit to actions for which there isn’t solid support, or that won't work, right? But the problem with this kind of thinking is you’ll be seeing something that they are blind to, and winning them over, at least right away is unrealistic. So what to do in the meantime? I have no idea.

All I have learned is that procrastination is a tip-off that you don’t fully support the task that you’ve set in front of yourself to do, that on some level you don’t believe it is meritorious, or you suspect it is a waste of your time. There lies my problem. So until I can make a decision I procrastinate. The house gets cleaner. Food gets made for the freezer. And the response will wait until I am ready to write it.

And I learned that procrastination can be motivating. I get things done when I am angry or procrastinating.

Mish Mosh

This is my 51st blog post. Seeing as I started this blog on Feb 14th of this year, that’s not brilliant. Many of the bloggers I follow post every day or nearly every day and I am in a sort of awe about this. Apart from the fact that some days all I could say would be a cross between ‘Ugh’ and ‘WTF’, I think I have done pretty good...it's just that I just don’t have that interesting a life. Or maybe it's I am too busy trying to keep my head in my life that is the problem. I am still in dental hell. I am still dealing with the renovations we have planned for the house before the wedding and all the decisions and work that needs to be made, etc. I am still in wedding planning hell....which I am trying to still figure out how this is supposed to forever bond a daughter and mother (the only thing it is currently doing is raising my blood pressure and giving me more white hair and an emptier bank account).

I was at a loss of an idea of a new post....I don't watch much TV. I am actually lucky to get in the news before I crash. I haven't read any new books let alone been to a bookstore in over 3 months . It's been hotter than Hades in Chicago and 5 minutes in the pool turns me redder than a ripe tomato with a SPF of 45 on. I have used the pool though to skinny dip at night...very refreshing.

Happy Independence Day America!

Celebrating our independence also means remembering how we won such independence. While many of us don't believe in our current war, it is important to remember the troops. I personally know over 30 kids over there right now who are either my son's friends, sons of my friends, or relatives.

The church our family attends sends boxes to the troops all the time. I personally send boxes to anyone I know is over there. Things to send that are needed: disposable razors, CD's, games, sunscreen, chapstick, powder drinks (Propel, etc that can be added to water), dry fruit, prepaid international phone cards, snacks, crayons for the kids they encounter, matches, lifesavers, any hard candy, gum, batteries, shampoo, toothbrushes, toothpaste, mouthwash, socks, new releases of books and magazines, baby wipes or unscented wipes of any kind, beef jerkey or slim jims, energy bars, hot sauce of any kind (tabasco, red devil) but be carefeul to wrap the glass bottle in duct tape and place in a doubled zip lock baggy and then roll in bubble wrap, zip lock baggies, sunflower seeds, peanuts, seasoning salt and seasonings, Avon Skin So Soft, eye drops like Visine, Copenhagen snuff in a tin (even if the person you are sending it to doesn't dip snuff, they will be a hero because it is very hard to get, anything else that does not melt. All the guys I send care packages to are not married but this is what our church does for the married men and women: they send tape recorders and children books so the fathers and mothers in the services can read bedtime stories for the children and mail them back home for their child to see and read along. They have also sent 4 video cameras to 4 platoons complete with enough tapes for each soldier to tape a message to their family.

It doesn't take much to brighten their day. Even a letter helps.

A quick Google search though gives you plenty of ways to support the troops. A few examples:

* For $25, anyone can send a USO Care Package to a service member in Iraq that includes things such as prepaid phone cards, snacks and a personal message of thanks. You don't have to do more than donate the $25.00.

* The president signed legislation in 2004 that made it possible to donate unused frequent-flier miles from 10 airlines to the "Hero Miles" program to help families fly to see wounded troops in distant military hospitals.

* The Fisher House program offers places to stay for families visiting sick or wounded troops.

* Visit troops in the VA hospitals. Many of them have families who live a distance away and never visit.

If you'd like a longer list, look for "Iraq" at www.networkforgood.org.

No matter what you think of the war, it's worth remembering that a lot of Americans won't be spending their July 4 like the rest of us, taking a midweek break with family and friends. Instead, they'll be trying to avoid getting killed in a place where just going outside can make you wish you were somewhere else.

There are other ways to help too: I read a story how someone saw a soldier on leave out for dinner with his girlfriend/wife. When the soldier asked for the check, he found out someone across the restaurant had paid for their dinner. There are many many wives and families living on base and off base. Volunteer to babysit.

The littlest things help.

Mememe from a different POV

A. Each player gets a loved one to list 8 facts/habits about the player from the loved ones point of view.
B. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed.
C. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.


1. Throws like a girl but aims a rifle better than most men.

2. Likes things in a particular place and drives you nuts until you move it.

3. Only snores when tired.

4. Good cook and good mom.

5. Gives great backrubs.

6. Loves camping.

7. Only employee I have fired many times yet never goes away.

8. Hard working, energetic, organized, leader, assertive, highly intelligent, highly motivated, dependable, and a royal pain in the ass many times.


LMAO....I think he captured me....

I tag anyone who wants to play.