Yep that's me today. I had a list of things I wanted to do today. I was motivated to do them. Instead all I did was procrastinate and create other things to do instead of what I needed to get done. I did manage to clean the upstairs today, mop the kitchen and breakfast room, start laundry, make 4 pans of lasagna and one pot of marinara sauce, make chicken fried steak with mashed tators and milk gravy and butter fried sweet corn and a cucumber onion salad along with a homemade german chocolate cake with homemade coconut pecan frosting. I also managed to finish the billing on 4 of my 5 clients I needed to do. But I procrastinated on doing the one thing that needs to be done for tomorrow: replying to the nasty letter we received from a doctor we share one of our offices with.
So as I sit here contemplating what to write, I find myself researching procrastination. I’m finding that it’s making me more frustrated than ever. So I procrastinate further by coming here and using this to motivate me. Whenever I journal write I find solutions to what I consider my problems. I see my putting off writing the response as a symptom and reflects a personality flaw. But then again, it might have something to do with the fact that her letter just pissed me off and I still haven't gotten over the anger part to get to a meaningful response because I am ambivalent about it. I am pissed that she does not recognize her employee to be what she is....a liar and back stabber. But is it my job to tell her? Or should I take the high road and agree the offices have a personality conflict and therefore there will be no more communication between the 2 girls? See? I just get pissed and react instead of being sensible. I guess I want to win her over to a point of view that is inbetween her thinking and my anger. All of this seems perfectly logical, and perhaps sensible. Why commit to actions for which there isn’t solid support, or that won't work, right? But the problem with this kind of thinking is you’ll be seeing something that they are blind to, and winning them over, at least right away is unrealistic. So what to do in the meantime? I have no idea.
All I have learned is that procrastination is a tip-off that you don’t fully support the task that you’ve set in front of yourself to do, that on some level you don’t believe it is meritorious, or you suspect it is a waste of your time. There lies my problem. So until I can make a decision I procrastinate. The house gets cleaner. Food gets made for the freezer. And the response will wait until I am ready to write it.
And I learned that procrastination can be motivating. I get things done when I am angry or procrastinating.
