Inspirational Sunday - Advent and Preparing for CHRISTmas

Today is the 4th Sunday of Advent. I love this Sunday of Advent. It is rather unique I think in that it is a break in the otherwise penitential season of Advent. The vestments today will be rose, as they are on Gaudete Sunday in Advent, and flowers may adorn the Altar. This day is called "Laetare Sunday" (also "Rose Sunday" ), and takes its name from the opening words of the Mass, the Introit's "Laetare, Jerusalem": Today we light the what is called the 'Angel's Candle' and are reminded of the heavenly hosts that proclaimed Christ's arrival. It is usually a purple candle and today as the 'Angel's Candle' is lit, we are reminded there is a King's birth the angels are announcing. We are waiting to welcome Christ into our world.

To me, Advent and the Christmas season is not just a celebration of His birth. We are not really re-enacting an event that happened with camels and a crèche two thousand some years ago. Instead we are using this time to open ourselves to Christ once again – to make ourselves ready to receive the savior of the world into our hearts, and to anticipate his coming at the end of time. We are prepare his way.

Remember it is CHRISTmas that we will be celebrating. Remember the CHRIST in Christmas.

Inspirational Sunday - Family and Holidays Part 2

So this is part 2 of the Family and Holiday post. I thought since I haven't posted since then I would give everyone a reason why I haven't been here to post.

Thanksgiving was interesting to say the least. Hub's father had no clue where he was or who he was with and all he wanted to do was go home although he has no clue where home is. He barely made it out of his dementia home and into his own home and back and was so confused when he was there that I am thinking that was the last time we will take him out of his home. He grew up making cappelletti and didn't even know what they were when a bowl of them was placed before him. Very sad day for all of us to realize just how much he has declined not only in health but mental acuity.

The turducken was delicious. Daughter of course wouldn't even try it but that is typical for her. It had the word duck in it so therefore she determined it was inedible. Tis okay, the rest of us enjoyed it. That is except for son who came down with a 3 day intestinal flu. He enjoyed eating the leftovers though.

The next day we went to my dad's where we were greeted with the newest person he was dating. She is a widow who never had kids so being in a crazy house with 25 people running around was probably total chaos for her. She handled it pretty well until she was told there was 19 missing. I think she almost lost it then. My one sister stayed mainly in the kitchen and away from her and the rest of us. She is just not prepared for my dad to move on with his life. I don't think she will ever be though. We did end up staying a bit longer than I had planned but my dad was on his best behavior with his girlfriend there so there was none of his usual taunting and backhanded comments he usually spouts.

Now I am preparing for Christmas. Have the grocery list down. Shopping - did a little on the internet but have to return most because daughter's inlaws have deemed it necessary to take everything I told her I was buying for both kids to purchase it herself. I should know better by now. She has done this repeatedly. Telling daughter to make 2 lists isn't working either. So am thinking gift cards are looking better and better.

We finally sold the 4th office. Hubs wanted to replace the hours we were working there with increasing our hours at our offices and I put my 2 cents in and said absolutely not. I can't handle working like that with the holidays. But things are not going well with the sale. Everything had been worked out prior and what was left we discussed at the sale. First they shorted us 30 grand in the sale. Now they have not allowed us access to the database for me to finish the AR and have locked us out of the bank account. We sent them a certified letter this past week to either do what was agreed upon and the rest of the money be given to us or they were in violation of the terms of the sale. So we shall see.

Still having problems with my one employee. It's sad because she was a longtime patient before she started working for us. But her attitude lately is getting worse. She is now into telling me what is proper or not (my having physical therapy in the office after office hours is just one of her pet peeves). I had to write her up this week. Hopefully that will work.

Today is the 3rd Sunday of Advent. The word Advent comes from the Latin word meaning coming - a time of preparation for the celebration of the Nativity of Jesus at Christmas. It is the beginning of the Western liturgical year and commences on Advent Sunday, called Levavi. The theme of readings and teachings during Advent is often to prepare for the Second Coming while commemorating the First Coming of Christ at Christmas. With the view of directing the thoughts of Christians to the first coming of Jesus Christ as savior and to his second coming as judge, special readings are prescribed for each of the four Sundays in Advent.

Today is Gaudete Sunday which is the Third Sunday of Advent. It gets its name from the Introit for Gaudete Sunday, in both the Traditional Latin Mass and the Novus Ordo, which is taken from Philippians 4:4,5: "Gaudete in Domino semper" ("Rejoice in the Lord always"). The 3rd candle on the Advent Wreath is lighted along with the other 2. The candle lit today is called the 'Shepherd's Candle'. We are reminded that God sent His angels to proclaim His arrival. The candle is usually pink or rose in color to represent God's love and faithfulness.

Inspirational Sunday - Family and Holidays

When I was young, I used to love holidays. I loved the excitement. I loved decorating. I loved buying people what they wanted and even finding things they didn't put on their 'list' but I knew they would love.

Problem is, I grew up. Now working 6 days a week with a right ankle that hurts and a left knee that doesn't like any weight on it, combined with family that I really don't even want to see anymore, holidays have become cumbersome and a burden.

Today I made my grocery list. After 33 years, all of a sudden my sisters have decided to have Thanksgiving at my dad's. Was I copied on the email discussing this? Nope. All of a sudden I receive an email with the final facts and who is bringing what. Did anyone remember I have a wheat allergy and eat gluten-free? Nope. There is nothing on the list I can eat. My father calls me today and asks me how many he is to expect at his house. I stated I don't know. I didn't plan it. He said well the place where he was to get the pulled pork has been closed. The guy who owns it has been in ill health and he thinks it is now closed. He wanted to know if I thought it was okay to change where he got the pulled pork and to remind him how many were coming. I said I didn't know but would call one sister who was doing the organizing. So I did. I got yelled at for interfering. I said fine and handle it and hung up.

So I get a phone call back from my father. I told him to call my one sister and she had stated that you and her had talked last night and according to her, discussed everything and therefore for me to butt out. So I am butting out. Call her.

Why does this happen? Why are there people who ruin the holiday for others? But better yet, why am I allowing them to upset my plans and me?

Just last week I said to see the positive in the negative. I know this is a test. I just don't know the answer yet. All I want to do is do what I had planned and not even go to my dad's. I don't need this aggravation.

Is this what holidays become after one grows older? Why do all I see is more work?

So I will leave this post and find my positive. Wish I could make the turkey and do what Maxine suggests and stuff it with Prozac!

Inspirational Sunday - Turning Negative Thoughts into Positive Ones

I read this yesterday at a really great website http://greatday.com/:

Put your heart in what you do

If you’re making excuses for failure, it probably means you don’t really want to succeed. When you’re focused on what’s holding you back, it may mean that your heart is not really in the effort to move forward.

Instead of seeking to explain your failures, take an honest look at your intentions. Is there something else you could be doing that would inspire you toward a more positive and effective focus?

The obstacles you face may not be your fault. Yet when you promote and defend them, you give them more power than ever.

When you find yourself sabotaging your own efforts in this way, it’s time to reconsider those efforts. Either find a way to positively invest in what you’re doing or find a way to move on.

You have the power to make things happen and to succeed in the face of even the most difficult obstacles. To fully access that power, you must be doing what truly matters to you.

Instead of finding new excuses for your failures, look for new reasons to succeed. Truly put your heart in what you do, and what you do will do great.

— Ralph Marston

I don't know about any of you but I talk to myself all the time. I plan out conversations in my head that I will never end up having. I write letters to people in my journal I have no intention of ever mailing. Why?

I call it keeping a log of my positive and negative mental chatter. I will state that I don't always remember what some of the conversations I have with myself or all of the details since I only journal write at night, but I do try to remember the why and what was going on that I even needed to have the mental chatter.

For those of you who don't know what mental chatter is, I define it as talking to myself in my own head and it never goes out my mouth. I am sure everyone does it. I can't be the only one. I mean how many of you sit and think to yourself "What a horrible outfit!" or "What nasty breath she/he has!" or "Do they even have a clue as to how they look when they are sitting like that?" Mental chatter would also be trying to explain in 50 different ways how Medicare works and why a patient owes a bill and I am thinking of other ways to try to get it through to someone.

But by writing down that mental chatter, what I found interesting was how many times I beat myself up during the day, how inadequate I sometimes felt, how critical sometimes I am of others. I would also write down my positive thoughts of the day and then compare those positive thoughts to how many thoughts thoughts I had during the day. I then try to change that emotion that accompanies that negative thought with a positive one and it becomes my 'thing to do' for the day. Once it becomes a habit, I usually won't see it in my journal anymore.

But as Ralph Marston says, putting your heart in what you do or say makes you a better person. I have found that if I change my mental chatter, it works. Now I will say that there are times I just need to write that letter or have that mental chatter to let the negative emotion attached to that chatter out. I find I am less angry or have less negative thoughts and I have turned those negative thoughts into positive ones. It is my way of blowing off steam.

Inspirational Sunday - Bucket List

Until recently I didn't know what a 'Bucket List' was. I found out it is supposed to be a list of all those things you swear you are going to do before you die. There are numerous ideas on the internet about where the term comes from.

I found out what it meant after someone asked me what kind of things were on mine. I asked for a definition - yep, white and clueless once again.

Even thinking on it and perusing the internet at various sites for ideas, none appealed to me....which got me to thinking.

Do people live their lives always craving or wanting more than what they have. Is this a bucket list - a list of things they just have to do.

Why don't I have anything?

I have determined that the reason is because I am happy with my life as it is. Do I strive to be a better person? Sure do but it doesn't involve making sure I see Italy before I die although I would like to one day. It doesn't involve me crossing anything off my list to do before I die. I take each day as they come and enjoy every single moment in life. Yes, even those days I fight with my husband.

I guess my bucket list would only include then the following:
1. I want to say when I die that I lived my life my way. That every single moment was lived in the spirit of God within me.
2. I would like those I love and even those I don't, to live in the spirit of God so that we might meet one day.

Other than that, there is not a thing I can think of.

I like me as I am.

Inspirational Sunday - Truth - Words or Actions?

The last 2 evenings, I have pretty much declared the afternoon and evening as Mental Health times for myself. I needed those times. I had a pretty awful work week - the week prior and the first 3 days of this week we worked short handed. Usually I get to rest the knee and ankle. I haven't had that luxury so by the time I get home, both are absolutely killing me. Instead of taking pain killers, I just go to bed - I really don't believe in painkillers anyway. Instead, I read and I watched a couple of new shows I had on TiVo and declared them not worthy of my time so cleaned up my season pass manager.

I read a couple of new books and reread one of my favorites: The Reader by Bernhard Schlinks.

I picked this book to reread and as part of Inspirational Sunday because it made me think when I first read it and it still makes me think. I love how Mr. Schlinks takes the relationship between Michael and Hanna and compares it to the relationship Germans had with others (Germans and other people) in post-war Germany. One reviewers said that in a lot of ways, it is like the relationship the Germans had with the Nazi movement. I know my relatives are on both sides. I have met patients who lived in the concentration camps and I know Germans who lived during that time too.

There is a little eroticism in the book and at first I questioned what the eroticism had to do with this but as I thought about it - it is one of those books that make you think. I realized that the eroticism was necessary because if reflected the guilt and shame that the Germans bear for the Holocaust as well as the moral divide that still exists between the generations. It was not always a black and white issue. It still isn't. There were way too many gray areas in the actions and in the forces of good and evil and where the legal and moral responsibility lies.

Please don't think that I question whether or not the Holocaust happened because I am not. It happened. Mr. Schlinks though gives one perspectives that still are around today. It is a book that forces you, the reader, to think and question your own position in life and how uncomfortable not only you but others are with moral ambiguity. It makes you think about how you react and if what you say is what you do. To me, that is the biggest lesson we need to learn in life.

Note that I would never do what Michael did or even entertain any thought of having an affair. In my opinion, that is not the point of the book.

The reasons why I love this book come through in a few of my favorite quotes for it:

There's no need to talk about it, because the truth of what one says lies in what one does.

The tectonic layers of our lives rest so tightly one on top of the other that we always come up against earlier events in later ones, not as matter that has been fully formed and pushed aside, but absolutely present and alive. I understand this. Nonetheless, I sometimes find it hard to bear.

A cloth had been tied around Hanna's head to hold up her chin until the onset of rigor mortis. Her face was neither particularly peaceful nor particularly agonized. It looked rigid and dead. As I looked and looked, the living face became visible in the dead, the young in the old. This is what must happen to old married couples, I thought: the young man is preserved in the old one for her, the beauty and grace of the young woman stay fresh in the old one for him. Why had I not seen this reflection a week age?

Now this quote makes me think about what one sees in their spouse after they have been married for a while. Is it really that simple? When we look at our spouse, do we see the person they used to be or do we see them as that young person combined with who they have become? I sometimes wonder why someone married someone else but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I loved this quote because it has so many truths in it: "the young man is preserved in the old one for her, the beauty and grace of the young woman stay fresh in the old one for him". Maybe that is why there is divorce. People no longer can see that reflection. But then why do they still seek that same type of person? I look at my husband and see everything - the past, the present, and hope for the future. I remember him as the dapper young man who woo'd me and swept me off my feet and at times compare him to the man he is today - one who seldom says he loves me but says it in his actions. So do we need words or actions for love? Do you remember your spouse the same way?

But I will repeat my favorite: "The truth of what one says lies in what one does." How true are those words? How do you live your life? Are you one who says do as I say and not as I do? How can you be true to yourself and God then?

Had to Share - First Four Words You See - Knee Update

This is interesting. List the first 4 words you see. The words that popped right out at me are happy, genuine, peaceful, talented, charismatic, honest, passionate, thoughtful, sweet.

Then the crossword addict in me had me searching for more words just to see if there were any others in there. There are. Lots. Interesting what words popped up at me since I have been slightly angry and pissed.

I had a really crappy day today. I went for a 2nd opinion on my knee. In the short course of one year, I went from a torn meniscus to a meniscectomy to more pain than prior to the surgery. Umpteen cortisone injections later, it is still getting worse. Synvisc tried - reacted to it which when I called the doctor who gave it to me, he didn't even bother to call me back but instead had his nurse tell me to take a pain pill and see the doctor at my regularly scheduled appointment (5 days later). Yeah I went in but told him that he was fired from my care and he could take his shot and put it up his you know what. Since then the pain has gotten so bad I now need a cane to walk. So I went for a 2nd opinion. All this doctor did was cover the other doctor's rear and only give me the total knee replacement option. Not a thing else. Called me a non-compliant patient because I said absolutely not. Explain to me how I can go from a meniscectomy to a total knee within a year. He couldn't.

So I am on the search for another opinion. Someone who does not know this other doctor.

Ankle pain? Still there. Artelon didn't work. Cadaver did. But can't have another surgery until I can stand on my left knee. Life is great :)

Inspirational Sunday - Flight 191

Today's inspirational Sunday is dedicated to the 271 people who were killed May 25, 1979 when the American Airlines Flight 191 crashed just after takeoff in an unincorporated area near some mobile homes I happened to be at that day.

I can't begin to explain my emotions or feelings of that day. There are images that I will never forget. For years I smelled the engine fuel burning. I was getting married in exactly 3 months and supposed to be dreaming of bridal showers and looking for apartments to live in after we married, etc. Instead for weeks, it was all I could do to get up every morning and go to work. Every time I passed O'Hare Airport, I remembered, but in reality, to this day I have never forgotten.

You would think that as a nurse I would be used to a lot. I rode ambulances where we used the shovel many times. I worked in the ER where I took care of the wounds of gang wars from knives and bullets. I have put my hand into the entire belly of someone who had been shot in the stomach. I have been thrown up on, bled on, and had people die when I was there. But nothing could have prepared me for that day.

As I said, I had been working as a patient care manager of a health care home nursing agency and was admitting a patient who lived in that mobile home park into our care. Living near O'Hare one is used to the sound of airplanes taking off and landing. The mobile home area is right next to the airport so that noise was even louder. But that day, it sounded like an airplane was coming at you. We went outside and watched as the airplane crashed into the ground near us. I went back inside and grabbed my bag and took off for the crash site (approximately 3 mobile home lots away from where I had been).

The heat from the burning was like being in a fiery blast furnace. There was lots of smoke and one could barely see anything. I didn't care. I wanted to help the survivors. Once I got to the scene, I soon realized that there would be no survivors. Firemen started arriving. One of them gave me a helmet and gloves and I threw on a mask I had in my bag. As soon as the fire was out, we started searching for bodies. I soon realized I didn't need my medical bag. We didn't find one body. Instead we found parts here and there. I was given flags and assigned to a fireman. Every time we saw a piece of a body we had to mark the site with a flag. Time passed. Floodlights were set up and we worked into the night.

I had someone call my fiancee to let him know I was okay and where I was. I honestly could not leave the site. I was sure there was someone - just one person we would find alive. I helped search the surrounding area. But it was eerily quiet with only the sounds of emergency equipment arriving and the sounds of airplanes continuing to take off or land. I remember ducking and covering my head when I heard the first one take off.

It was around midnight when I went back to where my car was parked and drove home. My fiancee was waiting for me. I couldn't talk. I couldn't even cry. I just sat in stunned silence taking what I had seen and done that day all in. My fiancee finally got me to get up and take a shower. He took a picture of me and when I looked at it a few weeks later, I never realized how dirty and sooty and greasy I actually was. It just felt good to have his arms around me. I finally fell asleep that night. It took me a few days to process what happened and to talk again. I was a walking zombie for those few days. Thankfully it was Memorial Day weekend and I had that time off to regain a sense of my position in life. I did return to work on Tuesday and yes, revisited the family near the crash site.

Thankfully, today there are federal disaster teams that work airline crashes and other large-scale catastrophes. None of that existed at the time of the crash of Flight 191 although I know there were a lot of people helping at the World Trade Centers. For every fireman there, there was 1-2 people like me who were helping. For years every time I passed the crash site, my memories of that day crashed in on me. For years I would wake up every time I heard an airplane overhead.

Exactly 3 months later I married the love of my life and we flew out of O'Hare for our honeymoon. I went from a person who was comfortable flying to a white knuckled flier for a year until I had children. I didn't want my fears to transfer to them so I learned breathing techniques to relax. But I never forgot.

Yesterday after 32 years, a memorial was finally held near the crash site. The memorial came into existence through the dedicated efforts of the 6th grade class at Decatur Classical School in Chicago that began in 2009. They took it on as a project after learning their assistant principal had lost her parents in the tragedy and finally got American Airlines to donate $21,000.00 for the memorial.

My thoughts today looking back on that day: I cannot imagine what the people aboard the flight thought when they realized they were crashing. Thankfully when they took off there was only 90 seconds to realize that. I don't know if they even saw it coming. For some reason, them not knowing gives me peace. Working that crash site gave me a sense of how fragile life is. But I still remember finding the jaw with some teeth on it, someone's tennis shoe, scattered pieces of luggage, and I still at times smell burning fuel. I will never forget that day but living through that day also makes me the type of person I am today. I am stronger for living and experiencing it.

The pictures noted above are not mine. They were taken by numerous reporters that day.

Inspirational Sunday - The Brick

This is an email I recently received. The message is so important that I would be remiss in not passing it on.

The Brick

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked
cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something.

As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door!

He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting,'What was that all about and who are you? Just what
the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?'

The young boy was apologetic. 'Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't
know what else to do,' He pleaded. 'I threw the brick because no one else would stop...'

With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. 'It's my brother, 'he said 'He rolled off the curb and fell
out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up.'

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, 'Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me.'

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took
out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay.

'Thank you and may God bless you,' the grateful child told the stranger. Too
shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy! push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home..

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to
remind him of this message:

'Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!'
God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts.
Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us.
It's our choice to listen or not.

Thought for the Day:
If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning.
Face it, friend - He is crazy about you!

God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain.
He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

Read this line very slowly and let it sink in...

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Please no more!

Yanno, I am really getting to be anti 9/11 - not the actual date but all the fuss with an incident that happened on that date. There were thousands of people lost, yes. BUT somehow life around you is so concentrated into this that all else stops. The news media are making this into a huge non-stop coverage every single year. One can't watch TV, even a football game without being consistently reminded of it. Frankly I wish they spent this much time on more important things.

What you say? Well, people died this week. People married this week. People were born this week. But instead every single time you turn on the TV, try to listen to a radio, or open a newspaper or read a magazine - all you hear about is 9/11. It's depressing. It isn't a memorial anymore but a continuous reporting of what happened one day on September 11th, 2001. To me the commemerations going on nullify anything else that happens that day. How do you think a child feels that happened to have the luck of being born on this day? How do you think a parent feels about losing a child on that same day?I lost a child on September 11, 1987. Have I shoved this info down your throat even though it meant a lot to me? No, I have not. Imagine how parents now have to explain the constant bombardment of news on this subject to children born before or after this date. Is it fair?

No, but it reminds me of how we view death now. Every time I drive down a road, there are markers, balloons, flowers, etc, marking the site where a car accident happened or someone died. Why do we feel the need to do this? I don't have an answer. I haven't. I have never forgotten Scott but I also don't dwell on his death either. I rejoice I had 9 months of holding and feeling him in utero and 3 months of seeing his eyes, hair, and caring for him. Scott was a gorgeous baby. So where did we go wrong in how we view death and incidents that have happened?

What about........
.....the thousands of people killed in this 'war' we have going on?
.....the thousands of people who are STILL MIA after the Vietnam War? No wonder veterans think we forget about what they do.

Who are the heroes in today's world? Not those who lost their lives fighting for our rights but those who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Yes, I feel for them and their families but I feel for those who have fought for us and their families more. They are the ones that deserve all the attention.

Now for those of you doubters, yes I have feelings. I am a nurse. I was a 1st responder when Flight 232 went down in Chicago, IL on May 25, 1979. I had a friend who was on the American Eagle Flight 4184 went down in Indiana on October 31, 1994. My sister-in-law was supposed to flying that exact flight but was grounded because of a cold. My cousin was supposed to be a flight attendant on one of the flights that went into the Trade Centers. I worked for years with the Vietnam Vets at Hines. Men without legs. Men without arms. Those men were left without people who care for them. I still have 15 MIA bracelets of men who are presumed deceased. Their remains were never found. My father-in-law is out of his mind with PTSD and has to medicated so he doesn't kill his wife or anyone else because of what he went through in World War I when he was 1 of 8 surviving in the Battle of Anzio.

I realize what happened that day is very traumatic. But I also realize that people need to move on. But we can't. The media won't let us. I have smelled charred flesh. I have ridden ambulances when we had to use the shovel - bet no one knew an ambulance carries a shovel on it. But every single EMT knows why it is there.

But where and when do we commemorate those other things? What of the families who lost people this week? Doesn't anyone realize how depressing it all is? Why is this the ONLY story that ever is told over and over and over?

I know death. I have seen death. I have been there with the charred remains of Flight 232. I worked putting bodies in bags. It traumatized me forever and is forever burned in my brain. I had loved ones die in 9-11 also. I have seen people I know who were responders die here in my Chicago burb from what happened there. No one is ever the same whether it was there or any other traumatic event. But this type of coverage without the other is just not right. I have lost 2 children. I know death.

If the news media gave the same attention to any one of the planes that land every single day with caskets covered in flags, or gave the same attention to those people who are fighting for us right now on foreign soil but because they are part of the Reserves, they aren't considered a real part of the active military service with the same rights, or printed the names of those wounded sitting in nursing homes or hospitals or just walking the streets because they can't hold a job, I would change my tune in a heartbeat. However, I know too many guys my own age and my children's age and my parent's age that are never ever thought of. Their names are not on any wall. Their names are never in any newspaper. They are the forgotten. Those are the ones I commemorate.

Just for you sceptics who think this was the absolute worst disaster America has faced have never looked at these statistics:
# people who died in the Vietnam War (1965-1973) 58,177 American Deaths
# people who died in the Korean War (1950-1953) 36,568 American Deaths
# people who died in WWII (1941-1945) 405,399 American Deaths
# people who died in the Civil War (1861-1865) 618,222 American Deaths
# people who died in the Revolutionary War (1775-1783) 32,324 American Deaths
# casualties in the Iraq War (2003-Oct 2010) 4426 American Deaths
# people who died in WWI (1917-1918) 116,516 American Deaths

But let's not stop there..............what about these:
# people who die from the flu or pneumonia each year? 65,313
# people who died in the crash of American Airlines Flight 191: 273
# people who died on American Airlines Flight 587: 265
# people who died in American Eagle Flight 4184: 68
# people who die from heart disease each year: 936,923
# people who die from cancer each year: 553,091
# people who die from diabetes mellitus: 69,301
# people who die from firearms: 28,663
# people who die from motor vehicle accidents 43,354
# people who die from renal failure 36,471
# people who die from septicemia 31,224
# people who die with AIDS in 2009: 1.8 million
# people who die from chronic lower respiratory disease 122,009
# people who died from the Galveston Hurricane of 1900: 12,000
# people who died from 1906 San Francisco Earthquake: 6000

Now the # people who died in 9-11? 2,973

Kinda makes it seem small in relationship to those other numbers? Why aren't there commemorations? Why isn't the media all over those numbers?

I commemorate the above picture. I applaud every single soldier currently fighting or serving our country and those who have before them. That is what we should be reading about. Not about one blip on the big screen of life.

Inspirational Sunday - Moments

I love that saying - We do not remember days, we remember moments. I am in a remembering stage today and have been all week. No, it is not because of 9-11. I actually think the hype of 9-11 is a bit much and way overkill. While every one's minds were concentrated on this, life was actually being lived. Life did not stop. We all went to work. People were born. People married. People had bachelorette parties. People died. That is more important to me than remembering where I was the morning of 9-11. I am sure much more happened that day but that.

A very good friend of mine died this week. Her illness was very sudden and as her son said at her funeral mass yesterday: The doctors said she had one in a million chance of getting this nasty disease (CJD). Her son went on to regale us with some memories of his mom. Some were really funny and some were thought provoking. The pastor went on in his sermon to talk about the moments of our own lives.

As I look back over the 57 years I have lived, I realize that I don't always remember the details of an entire day, but flashes of moments sealed in my brain. All week I have done that with my relationship with my friend - from the first moment we met till the last moment we talked to the last moment I saw her body in the casket.

But those moments that kept flashing through my mind this week were powerful moments. They were those moments that made such an impression on me that while some details were lost, that memory was firmly imprinted in my mind. Sometimes I wish I had recorded what happened, how I felt, and what lesson I learned. But then I would not have been living life in the moment.

So what is your big moment? How will you remember friends, loved ones, your life? What have you done that you have found significant enough to remember?

I don't know about you but when I remember moments of my life with my friend, it is like I am being transported right back to that time. I remember how sometimes she pissed me off so much I wondered why we were even friends. I remember how she was right by my side during some of my happiest moments and some of the worst moments in my life. She was indeed a person who was 'one in a million' who had the luck in life to catch a 'one in million' disease. I can just see her now - wondering why it couldn't have been at the penny slots or why it wasn't a million moments from now so she could see her 1st grandson born or why it was even her. But then I think again and can hear her speaking to me.....it's the big moments in life that teach us the lessons we will carry with us for a lifetime. She was one of my moments.

Not many of us can sit back and remember every conversation word for word, every place we went to and at what times, every meal we ate, and everything we watched on TV on one day over a week ago. What we do remember are the good and the bad moments that we made with the people we love and by ourselves. Truly at the end of our lives when we are gone from this earth that is what those who knew us will remember us for as well, the moments that we shared with them.

This is why it is important that you remember the profound effect you had on someone else's life. We need to hold on to the things we love, the things that have made us who we are, and who we never want to lose.

Listening to others speak about my friend and their memories of her, made that day so much more meaningful for her loved ones and friends. I am glad someone recorded it. Her grandchildren will love to listen to it one day to get to know the woman their grandmother was.

It gave me a closure that I needed. My friend was one in a million and gave me one in a million memories. I will never forget her.

We do not remember days, we remember moments.

Inspirational Sunday - Love

This past week was my husband's and my 32nd wedding anniversary. We long ago decided no presents to each other but instead, we would write reasons why we loved each other, adding another to each year we are married. I have every single one hubs has written me. I treasure them and will get them out on those days when I am not feeling much like a wife to him or him a husband to me. I feel sorry for those who have never experienced real love or felt it. There is nothing to compare that feeling to - the closeness, the security, the warmth in just feeling the love returned to you in spades.

Do you know who I feel sorriest for? People like this: children of a divorced couple who with the help of their attorney father, decided to sue their mother for not sending birthday cards with cash in them, or not buying them a dress they want, or sending care packages to the kids when they were in college. Well, I didn't always send care packages. I missed birthday cards or made my own when we were short on money. My kids didn't sue me. What a sad state of a family who could do something like this. I don't live that far from that family. I am so glad I decided not to build in that area. We looked. I didn't want my kids to turn out like those kids turned out or how a lot of kids in that area turned out. For those who don't believe me, here is the story as published in the Chicago Tribune: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/ct-met-mom-sued-0828-20110828,0,7330681.story

I didn't have the best of family. But I know my parents loved me. I know they didn't always like the choices I made but I knew they loved me.

So what makes love not felt? I imagine a whole lot of things.

I am just glad I bask in the love of God; I bask in the love of my husband and children; and I bask in the love of my family and friends.

Inspirational Sunday - How to Not Keep Your Job

I bet you are wondering how a subject like 'How to Not Keep Your Job' has to do with inspirational Sunday. As I sit to write this, I don't know either. I guess we both will find out by the end.

Have you ever had anything on your mind but didn't realize just how much it bothered you when you thought you had 'let it go'? I have learned with myself that it is those things that come to me in dreams. This is one of those dreams I have been having.

I am sure we have all had co-workers who kiss kiss and be nice nice to their employers face to face and then those same employees say a whole different thing when their employer's back is turned. It is a bit easier in a larger office to have this happen. In a smaller one with 3-4 employees total and that includes the employer, it is harder.

As the wife of the boss and co-worker to our employees, I have had this type of attitude many many times. I have always tried to have an open communication and resolve problems as they come up. Are we always at our best? No and I don't think any boss expects you to be.

At the heart of the relationship between employer and employee is the duty of mutual trust and confidence. The assumption of loyalty means that if either party behaves in a way which is likely to damage the relationship, the other party is entitled to treat the contract as at an end. Therefore, if you make nasty remarks about your employer, you could face disciplinary action or even find yourself dismissed for a serious breach. In the current economic climate, it is therefore more important than ever to be careful about what you say. In our field of medicine, it is even more important with HIPAA or how we keep our patient's information private. A breach of this would be immediate grounds for termination. Theft would be another.

With the growth of social networking sites, bad mouthing your boss in a public manner especially when you are 'friends' with said boss, will surely get a rise. It is way too easy for employees to vent online. I think we/they forget that others are reading what they are writing. However, if you do put your opinions on the web, remember that the internet is a public forum. It is surprising how often people adopt a false sense of security and believe that their comments are being made in private. And don't believe the myth that it makes a difference whether the comments you make are outside of work hours or on your home computer. It doesn't.

Thus there comes that responsibility and mutual respect and trust. Last year my husband and I purchased an office from a friend. We relied on the information given to us by our employee who was also an employee of the friend. We learned a huge lesson: Never do business with friends! The employee had a vested interest in that her other employer still owed her money on his purchase of the office. The office statistics did not even come close to matching what was still owed her. So said person manipulated the statistics. We trusted those. We purchased the office based on those false statistics. We had no reason to not trust the data. We later learned the stats were so highly inflated we purchased the practice for over $50,000.00 more than what we should have. Lesson earned.

I fully believe in karma. What goes around comes around. Said employee was terminated. Why? Not because of the manipulation of the statistics since we actually didn't know then. It was for quite a few reasons. Friendship and business have to maintain a degree of division. I allowed some business to enter our friendship. I shouldn't have. I felt bad that her husband died. I felt bad that all of a sudden her life turned upside down and instead of being an employer she was now an employee for the very same offices she had been in charge of for over 30+ years. In a lot of ways I was wrong. Somewhere the friendship ended and this other relationship started - a relationship where there was no trust and no mutual respect and no personal responsibility.

But what are some of the main things to keep in mind:
1. Don't take business records. Don't email information to your own email. Don't even take stamps, pens, folders, paper clips, white-out. Don't you think people might notice why an office that was supposed to be fully functioning is suddenly out of all these supplies?

2. This goes along with the above. Don't sabotage records. When we finally received the financial data, we learned about the manipulation. Do you think we would never notice after all the bad-mouthing you did about us? That just made us not trust you. That non-trust made us get the data and check. Ever wonder why you don't get a glowing reference and only a verification of employment years? Karma.

3. Directing clients to the other owner. Did you think that we would not notice the fact that most of the patients were directed to the other owner? This was another reason why you could be let go. I am constantly amazed at how employees don't think we employers would ever find out. Do they really think we are that dumb or not have a handle of what is going on in the office? We had already determined what you did prior. This was why there was no notice given - we were too afraid of what you would do once you knew you were terminated. We could have sued you. We didn't. Be thankful.

4. Bad-mouthing your employer and blaming all of your problems on them is another way of how not to keep your job. Do you really think the employer wouldn't find out? Did you ever think about the position you put the other employees in? I would like to think we have an open relationship with all our employees. I think we definitely do now which is why I hesitate adding another person. The taste in everyone's mouths from the old employee is still there. Nothing compounds these hard feelings like an employee who badmouths the former employer on the way out the door or even after they leave.

5. This is an even better one we found out after the employee left and after they found a new job - one in which they shared information and data about us in a demeaning way, deliberately twisting information. But it didn't work. It just gave the new employer reason to not trust you. Remember the old adage: If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. This is especially true in business.

6. Over the years we have let quite a few employees go. I am always amazed at how they think we won't change the locks, or passwords, and especially not have in place some type of security system. Yes, we know it was you trying to access our data. That is why we had to get an attorney for you not to have access to our accounts. What do you think your current employer thinks about us having to do that? It just turns around and bites your rear.

As a business owner, I have learned to let employees rant. Take the high road. Bad employees end up discrediting themselves. Who wants to listen to a fellow employee complain about her former employer? Most people are going to think he/she should move on. If you feel you have to do something, you could make your employees aware of your side of the story so they can combat any rumors going on. One of the really annoying things about terminations I found out 20 years ago is sometimes you'll get an employee who complains loudly about being "unfairly" treated, telling coworkers the firing came out of nowhere and had no grounds, while you know her performance was abysmal and she was given numerous warnings and chances to improve. Since very few people tell their coworkers, "Wow, I'm really doing a bad job" or "I did get three warnings before they let me go," the fired person's coworkers often have no idea that the firing was handled fairly and was for good cause ... and because of privacy concerns, the manager usually isn't going to announce the details, so coworkers often hear just one, twisted side of the story. If your remaining employees know the company to be fair, that personal experience is going to carry more weight than the rantings of one disgruntled former employee.

So what does one do now? I have learned through writing this that I have to get rid of my anger. Anger is physically harmful. I recognize now there was never a friendship based on my definition of a friendship. I learned to not mix friendship with business. Plus most important of all, I learned that I am still learning.

What does the terminated employee do now? I was once terminated too. It is not something that has happened to only you. Recognize why you are angry. You did not have a right to the job you held. It was a privilege given to you by the employer. You chose the life of working in a corporation for someone else. Getting laid off or terminated is one of the possible consequences of that decision. If you don't like the potential consequences (and everything has potential consequences), chose another path. Don't allow your angry emotions to rule you when one of the very real potential consequences of being an employee comes about. That job was not your right. You weren't entitled to it. It is hard to do but you do have to try.

Accept this time as a gift. This is a great gift from the Universe, whether you realize it or not. It is your forced chance to re-evaluate your life and see if you need to travel some different roads. Rather than being angry about this, be grateful to God or the Universe or whatever that you have been given this chance. I did. I re-evaluated my life and went into a different direction that was more what I wanted to begin with. I've known lots of people in life who haven't been given this kick in the ass, and they have retired frustrated and depressed. They have heads full of regrets and wishes that they are too old to do. Don't make this into your mantra. You have been given this opportunity while you're still young enough to actually do those things you have been wishing to do.

Look at life a bit differently. Let go of your anger. Get creative. You'll be better for it at the end. Last night I was saying to my husband that I don't feel we have "JOBS". I enjoy my work. I never recognize that I have worked 14 hours until the end. But I will turn around the next day and go into work and enjoy my day. It will be different in some ways but the same in others. I enjoy seeing different people. I can still dislike statement days. I can still dislike some patients. I can still dislike or disapprove of how another employee handles something.

Now I understand why I had to write this. At the end of the day, I can honestly state I love my job. Can you?

Thank Goodness for Friends

I haven't blogged in a bit - too busy renegotiating office leases for 3 of the offices and talking buy-out of an office with the doctor that we went in with last year. He wants it. We are tired and to us that's fine. Now we are working out the details.

So bet you are wondering why the title now............

Well, if not for friends I wouldn't have anyone but my husband and kids and animals. Family? Can take a flying leap. There has always been a tentative relationship between me and my family and what was there, vanished after my mother died. Seems I can't do anything right since then. I didn't realize how much of a buffer she was.

I realize that as each decade passes, I tweak my understanding and memories. Our minds find explanations that a younger age probably I would have seen it in a different way. The claims that two people being witness or seeing the same thing happen 10, 20, or even 50 years later will remember it totally different is absolutely true. In some ways, I wish my mother had not been the buffer. I look back and realize that my dad was abusive - some physical but mostly verbal, emotional, and mental. Loving and forgiving someone though doesn't protect us from who they are, how they behave, or any danger they pose to us. I have a right to protect myself from that abuse no matter how the abuser is related to me.

My mom acted as the buffer between my father and I. I didn't realize just how much until after she died. The abusive personality that my father has will always be there. He will never ever accept personal responsibility for his behavior.

This past weekend was my family's family reunion - 3 days of hell cooped up in a 10 bedroom farmhouse my parents rented out for a 3 day weekend for the next 10 years. I wasn't supposed to be at this one. I was supposed to be in Boston at a seminar and taking a vacation of 5 days with my husband. My husband and I decided to postpone not only the trip to Boston but the extra 5 days. This way we could attend both of our family's reunions - mine on Saturday and his on Sunday.

Last Thursday plans got changed when a patient came in with a really bad broken toe - she needed surgery. The only time I could get was Saturday morning. So we said fine - we would just leave and drive the 3 hours to the reunion after the surgery and although we wouldn't be there by lunch it would be close.

Best laid plans.....a perfect storm set up across Chicago and our town. It dumped 7.71 total inches of rain on us, leaving us without power and gas. No power also meant no water or toilets for those on well and septic which we are. It took my husband an hour to drive the 10 minute usual drive to the hospital to do the surgery. Everyone there was late. We had already been up all night without power running our generator. The absolute last thing we wanted to do was drive 3 hours. Plus there were more storms coming in. Now who in their right mind would leave their house to flood just to attend a reunion?

I didn't. I couldn't do the drive by myself and hubs needed to be here to run the generator. So I called my dad and told him how much rain we got and how we didn't have power and how more thunderstorms were coming in. He called me a liar and to come up with a better excuse than that.

I very politely told my father to go borrow one of his grandkids computers and look up either The Chicago Tribune or The Daily Herald and verify that info himself and then I thanked him. Yep I thanked him for showing me his true colors and how far we really haven't gone and how far we would ever go.

The family's decision for Christmas because I wasn't there for the vote: they are having Christmas on Monday the 27th and I am to make my usual turkeys and hams and dressing.

I think they will be going hungry. I won't be there.

Family? I have none except my husband and kids. Friends? I have in abundance and they are more family to me than my own family ever thought of being.

I.Heart.My.Friends.

Inspirational Sunday - Loss/Anger/Peace

I decided to post today about a few things that has been on my mind and taking over my life the past 2 weeks.

#1. I think I had told everyone my son's sugarglider was not doing good. My husband and I had been giving her injections under her neck skin to rehydrate her and handfeeding her along with giving her antibiotics. She had started to rally but then lost her life exactly 2 weeks ago today. Here is a picture of her:

#2. The same exact day that the sugar glider died, my husband and son thought it would be funny to let my indoor cats out. Of course this was not their territory so they were scared and ran back to the door to get in. So son decided to take one of the cats further into our half acre yard and let him go. Instead of running back to the house, he freaked and ran into the woods. Since then it has been a almost constant search for him. He is front declawed and neutered. He does not like strangers at all and hides when anyone comes to the house and he does not like our granddogs. We did have a neighbor report yesterday that she had seen him on Thursday but had not called us and after calling more neighbors, I learned he had been spotted last night around 7pm. Note this is in the opposite direction of supposedly where my husband and son had last seen him. While I am grateful he at least has been spotted, I still can't help these angry feelings toward my husband and son who let the cat out to begin with. I am also happy to hear that he managed to elude the coyote that was seen entering our yard this past week. Here is a picture of my 2 year old baby:

#3. Ever feel so angry you just can't let what is on your mind out? Well, since I had accepted a secretary position last summer for an organization that I was already newsletter editor to, my life has been turmoil. The other board members have kept me in the dark. I was never given a copy of my job description until I demanded one and received it the end of January. I was not told of meetings and was chastised for not attending them. So 2 weeks ago today I had a board meeting to attend of this organization. I received not one, not two, but 12 reminders to come to said meeting and to make sure I had a working tape recorder. Please note I was handed this tape recorder at the January meeting and told it worked. Well, it didn't. But luckily enough I had taken really well notes. That is, except for two reports. I didn't have who accepted them as read nor who 2nd the motion. Wouldn't one think that this might be because it was never done? Nope - the president blamed me for not listening or having a working tape recorder (she's the one who gave it to me).

So at this meeting 2 weeks ago, I kept tabling my reports to the end. After 5 hours of listening to actually nothing and people making plans for meetings that have not even worked in the field for years, it was my turn to talk. I stood up and listed my grievances and how this job was nothing what was explained to me. I also stated that demanding one attend all the assistant lectures was demeaning to my education and if there was another lecture that was of interest to me, I was going to go to it. I then stated that I did not think I was the right person for this job because I actually had a brain. I resigned. I had 30 days to get the minutes typed up and turned in (why I don't know since the 2 reports from last fall were given to me at this meeting). I asked for the reports to be read again, accepted and 2nd. I then started talking about the newsletter editor position. I stated that in the past the membership chairperson had worked with me on labels. Since I had taken the secretary position I have repeatedly asked for updates and was given none. Finally the executive administrator dropped off labels for me stating that she did it for me.

Interesting fact.......the labels didn't match any of the members at all and she added 5 other people to the roster that were former members. But friends I knew had paid and renewed were missing from said list. I sent an email stating the labels given me were wrong and I needed clarification. I waited a week then resent the email with 2nd request. I waited a week then sent an email labeled 3rd request and so on since March. To date I have not been given the correct labels or an explanation of what changed and why. I was told at this meeting to get the newsletters out immediately using the labels that were given me and it was not my position to double check anyone's work - to just accept what was given me.

Not the thing to say to me. Since my life has been filled with either work or hunting for my cat, I have not sent the newsletters or done the minutes. I get on the average of 5 emails a day asking for both. I have answered no one's email. I figure I have 30 days which would mean that the minutes are due July 11th by 7pm (the time the meeting adjourned. They will get the minutes July 11th at 6:55pm.

As for the newsletter? I am resigning that position too only they won't find out unless they read this newsletter which I changed to include my resignation.

So I bet you are wondering why this post is inspirational. Well, in it, believe it or not, I have found peace. I no longer have 2 things to worry about on my plate. I am going back down to concentrating on my family and God. I have peace that my cat was spotted. It is just a matter of time that God will send him back or allow me to find him. That would not have happened without my daily prayers asking for guidance.

So this post is about listening to yourself. You are usually right about something that just feels wrong. Listen to yourself. Pray for guidance. You will find peace.

UPDATE: As of 8pm tonight, we found our cat. He was hiding in the wheel well of a large RV parked a few houses away. We took him to the emergency vet in our area and he was pronounced lighter by a pound. He took his flea pill like a trooper and ate everything we gave him there. He looks none the worse for wear except a bit dirtier. He is skittish inside the home and will need to be separated from our other 2 cats for a week. I imagine there will need to be a re-introduction and I expect a lot of hissing next weekend.

God does answer prayers.

Inspirational Sunday - Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there and especially to my husband who has shown me what a real father should be. He learned how to be a good father from his own father. I wish my FIL could know how much I appreciate what he taught his son and how grateful I am for that.

As for my own father, I called him on Tuesday which is the day I usually talk to him. We have been in the midst of crisis in my household - son's sugar glider passed away last week and the same day, my favorite cat who is declawed and an indoor cat got away from my son who took it outside. We have been searching for him since, spending our days working then spending our evenings and nights being eaten by skeeters and searching for our precious Trouble. My father's comment? Stop your belly-aching - it's just an animal.

Needless to say that was not the right thing to say to me. But looking back in retrospect, it is my father and his opinion. It just differs from mine. That animal was a pet and a close pet. It is like a child. So while I have never liked what my father says, he is still my biological father and for that I took the time to call him today and wish him a Happy Father's Day. I feel you get back what you give and that is all I have to give him right now.

Today via email I received this from a friend, stating facts about things a father teaches their children. The email spoke to me and shows me exactly what kind of father my husband is and how much his father taught him. This was the email and a father's wisdom:

1. Your 30’s, 40’s and 50’s won’t feel like your 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. Adults are just older children. When you get older you won’t feel as old as you imagine you will. For the most part, you still feel exactly the way you feel right now, just a little wiser and more confident. You’ve had time to establish your place in the world and figure out what’s important to you. Don’t fear growing up. Look forward to it. It’s awesome.

2.Bad things will happen to you and your friends. Part of living and growing up is experiencing unexpected troubles in life. People lose jobs, get in car accidents and sometimes die. When you are younger, and things are going pretty well, this harsh reality can be hard to visualize. The smartest, and oftentimes hardest, thing we can do in these kinds of situations is to be tempered in our reactions. To want to scream obscenities, but to wiser and more disciplined than that. To remember that emotional rage only makes matters worse. And to remember that tragedies are rarely as bad as they seem, and even when they are, they give us an opportunity to grow stronger.

3.Everyone can make a huge difference. Making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So start small and start now.

4.First impressions aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Everyone and everything seems normal from a distance, or at a glance. The 10th, 20th, or even the 50th impression is when you start to truly understand someone else for who they truly are.

5.Big results come when you narrow your focus. Concentrate your efforts on smaller and smaller areas. When your efforts are diffused over a wide area they won’t have much of an impact. So focus on smaller areas and your efforts will be felt more fully. It could take time for change to happen, but keep that focus narrow.

6.Love yourself. Become your own priority. Strive to be the ‘you’ you want to be. Nourish your mind and body. Educate yourself every day until you die.

7.Sometimes you just have to go for it. Put your uncertainty and fears aside for a second and ask yourself this: “If I try and I don’t get it right the first time, what will I have lost and what will I have gained?” The answer is: You will have lost nothing but a little bit of your time while gaining an important lesson that will help you get it right the second or third time. People rarely get it right the first time. In fact, usually the only people who ever get it right are those who continue going for it even when they’ve come up short numerous times before.

8.In order to get, you have to give. Supporting, guiding and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. Everything you do comes back around.
9.Not much is worth fighting about. – If you can avoid it, don’t fight. Step back from arguments with your spouse, family members or neighbors. When you feel anger surging up and you want to yell that vulgar remark on tip of your tongue, just close your mouth and walk away. Let yourself calm down. You don’t have to be right or win an argument. It just doesn’t matter.

10.Don’t try to impress everyone. Purposely impressing people is an act that brings nothing but a momentary ego boost. Be real with people instead. Connect with fewer people on a level that is deeper and more profound.

11.Keep having fun. Fun is way underrated. With all of life’s responsibilities, fun will sometimes seem like an indulgence. It shouldn’t be. It should be a requirement. Make time for fun.

12.Keep it simple. There is a world of magnificence hidden in simplicity. Pick the five most important things in your life now and focus on those things. Let the other stuff go. Stop the busyness and really enjoy what’s important to you.

13.Little things stick with you. So pay attention to them. Like watching your child sleep. Preparing a meal with your family. Sharing a great laugh with an old friend. This is the real stuff life is made of.

14.Less advice is often the best advice. People don’t need lots of advice, they need to live. I’ve seen young, rocky relationships develop into wonderful marriages and fleeting inspirations ignite a lifetime of passion and happiness. Our life stories, like the answers we give to long essay questions, are uniquely ours. What people want to know is already somewhere inside of them. We all just need time to think, be and breathe, and continue to explore the undirected journeys that will eventually help us find our direction.

15.Manage your time. Your situation and environment is ever changing, so be careful not to confuse things that are urgent with things that are important.
16.Manage your money. – Don’t buy stuff you don’t need. Don’t spend more than you make. Don’t let your money manage you.

17.What you learn in school does matter. While you may not use the specifics of every classroom lesson, every lesson does expand the core thought process of your mind. Over time you will develop problem solving skills that are universally applicable. No single classroom lesson can teach this, and no single classroom lesson is more important.

18.Dreams will remain dreams forever if you don’t take action. Don’t dream about it anymore. Start doing it. In 40 years from now what is it that you will regret not having accomplished, appreciated or attempted? Do it, appreciate it and attempt it NOW!

Thank you honey honey honey for being the person you are and thank you dear FIL for helping him to be the man I love and father of my children.

**a note: the email did not come with who said these words. If the author would like to come forward, I will be glad to post who you are. This is why I put the whole email in quotations. They are not my words but words we all need to hear.

Inspirational Sunday - Emotion

Yesterday after work I went to one of my sister's houses for her oldest son's graduation. My sister and I were pregnant at the same time and even had the same due dates. I lost our chid so my sister chose my husband and I to be his godparents. We also happen to be godparents of her other 2 boys. She bucked Roman Catholic tradition by choosing my husband and I although technically I am still a Roman Catholic although not practicing in that religion.

So you all might be wondering what this has to do with emotion. Well, one of my other sisters was there - the crabby bitchy one. Yep we walked in at 4pm and there she was muttering under her breath but loud enough for people to hear. She continued this for over an hour then stated that she was going home since she had been there since the beginning of the party (1pm) and it was now 5pm and people were just arriving and how this doesn't happen in small towns. I looked up at her and said, "Is there something making you stay since you obviously aren't happy? What part of the words OPEN HOUSE from 1pm - ? did you not understand?" She huffed and left.

One of my other sisters with her 5 girls was there when she said that - one of the girls who is 5 asked why Aunt C was crabby but she was glad she left because she could have fun now. But looking at the time we got there (4pm) until my sister left, I realized my 5 year old niece was right - the entire time my sister was bitching about something and if she wasn't bitching, she was silent - giving THE LOOK all the time to let everyone know she was displeased. And my niece was also right in that after my sister left, everyone was happier. My dad started interacting with the kids and the kids started interacting with the adults. All it took was one person's displeasure at everything to sour the whole mood of the party. It was then that I realized that was what my mother used to do. My sister had turned into my mother - emotionless and empty of any human feeling and bitter at anyone who wasn't. She was especially pissed at me since between offices yesterday I had brought over to my sister's a salad with instructions on how to put it together (a simple lettuce salad comprised of different lettuces, a package of dried cranberries, a package of chopped walnuts, and a bottle of homemade raspberry vinegrette - but one of my godson's favorites) and a Texas sheet cake (kinda like a brownie but iced and has cinnamon in it and uses gluten free products - another of my godson's favorites). It was stated that my sister was pissed that I got to bring things and she wasn't - I dunno. I just noticed the mood of everyone thawed the moment she left. In some ways I feel sorry for her and yet in other ways, she is a product of who and what she is and I think to me, it is just more noticeable now that my mother is gone.

There was a book I read when I left my parent's house at age 18 and that book along with a lot of counseling through ACOA, I learned that there are 6 basic roles that children growing up in a dysfunctional family adopt in order to survive:
1. The Good Child (also known as the Hero): a child who assumes the parental role.
2. The Problem Child (also known as the Scapegoat): the child who is blamed for most problems and may be partly responsible for the family's dysfunction, in spite of often being the only emotionally stable one in the family.
3. The Caretaker: the one who takes responsibility for the emotional well-being of the family.
4. The Lost Child: the inconspicuous, quiet one, whose needs are usually ignored or hidden.
5. The Mascot: uses comedy to divert attention away from the increasingly dysfunctional family system.
6. The Mastermind: the opportunist who capitalizes on the other family members' faults in order to get whatever he or she wants. Often the object of appeasement by grown-ups.

It's funny because I can see where each of the 6 of us fit into these roles. I am #2 although I was not responsible for my father's alcoholism or physical abuse.

Emotion - it's a sad place if you never experience what life has to offer you and instead you find fault in all He does for you. While one is a product of their youth, that does not have to define them. Instead one should grow up and become their own adult. I am glad I have. Being emotionally balanced can bring much peace into your life.

Need Time Out Chairs

I had something happen today I just had to share. Hubs is a podiatrist and when statements go out to patients, we get all sorts of calls. Today was not exception.........EXCEPT these were definitely full moon type calls. Those type of calls from angry irate patients. I am considering getting a "time out chair" for our office.

Caller #1: Why are you sending me a bill?
Me: Because your insurance companies have paid their portion and left you this balance of which they state is yours.
Caller #1: So I have to pay it?
Me: Yes you do. It is your portion of the bill. I can take care of that for you if you give me your credit card number.
Caller #1: I really really really have to pay this?
Me: Yes you really really really have to.
Caller #1: Well, I will think about it.
Me: Well, I would just like to remind you of the financial policy you signed the first day you saw us: if you do not pay a bill within 30 days, a $25.00 rebilling fee will apply. So please think before the 30 days are up.
Caller #1: OMG no wonder why doctors live in fancy houses.
Me: Mrs X, you owe me $9.01 and I can assure you that $9.01 along with the $24.79 that your insurance company paid for your visit does not purchase a fancy house.
Caller #1: Well, I will think about it.
**click** - she hung up on me.

Caller #2 through 20 - same idea with different wording.

Caller #21: Screaming into phone: Are you there?
Me: If you are asking if I am at the office, then yes I am here.
**click** - she hung up on me.

Only to appear 15 minutes later charging into the office like an angry bull............
Patient: What is this crap?
Me: Well, Mrs Y, I think that is a statement from us that has been crumpled and wrinkled up.
Patient: I know damn well what it is. Why?
Me: Well, usually one gets a statement after we receive payment from your insurance company and there is a balance left. We then send you a statement letting you know what the insurance company states is your portion of the bill.
Patient: Well, I never.
Me: I don't quite know how to respond to that. Do you want a full explanation of your bill? Is there some part you don't understand?
Patient: Why did you charge me a new patient office visit and not my husband?
Me: Well, let's look at your bill first. You became a patient of our practice on such and such date. You were billed a new patient visit. Medicare put that whole amount to your annual $162.00 deductible. Your 2nd insurance has an annual $800.00 deductible so they didn't pay anything either. So you owe us the full amount of all the services that Medicare set their prices at.
Patient: I know there is a deductible for Medicare. Are you calling me stupid?
Me: No Mrs Y I am not. I am explaining your bill for you.
Patient: I also know there is a deductible for my husband's insurance. So let them pay.
Me: Mrs Y, they won't. They have a $800.00 deductible so they put all your charges towards that deductible, stating you owe us the balance.
Patient: I am reporting you for fraud.
Me: Good, do you want Medicare's number? I am sure Medicare will agree that you have to pay the first $162.00 per year, and then they will pay 80% of the bill and you will owe 20% of the bill. Your 2nd insurance happens to have a higher deductible than Medicare so it will not cover that Medicare deductible or the 20% until you have paid $800.00 and then they will pay 100%.
Patient: Why wasn't my husband charged a new patient visit that day?
Me: Your husband was charged a new patient visit when he first visited us last October. When he saw us in March, that was his 2nd visit so of course we didn't charge him a new patient visit.
Patient: with voice raising......the first time either my husband or I were here was in March. This is fraud. You people are full of fraud.
Me: speaking really soft to get her to calm down: Well, Mrs Y, I have your husband's chart right here. Since he is unable to write his name, you signed for him. The date you signed that form is October X, 2010. Now I see your chart, and the first time you visited us was in March, 2011 and here are your signatures. You are the one who put the dates on the forms. Here is the financial policy where you agreed to pay the balance. Now will that be check, cash or charge?
Patient after a good 2 long minutes: picks up her purse and storms around the patient window and into the office where I am sitting and gets right next to me, slams her purse down and yells at me - well you are still full of fraud. (I said nothing but wondered if she would get angrier if I gave her a breath mint) She proceeded to write her check out leaving the name of the practice off. She threw the check into my face and hissed: fill in the check with the name of the office missy and it better not be your name........
Me: Thank you Mrs Y. I am filling in the name of the practice. You can compare what I am writing on your check from what is on this business card (handing her a business card).
Patient: I am keeping this card. I am still reporting you.
Me: Thank you. You have a great day.
she stood there glaring at me......
Me: Would you like the fraud number to Medicare?
She stormed out of the office, making sure to really really really slam the door.

The rest of the office: clapped and congratulated me on not punching her out. I marked on her chart that this patient or her husband are never to be booked with us again.

**sigh** I hate patient statement weeks and at the end of the day.....I don't know who actually needs the "time out chair" more - the patient or me.

Inspirational Sunday Quote

I encourage you to open your heart and mind to the "notes" God is writing about the direction of your life. Be willing to make any changes that He speaks to your heart. Even when things don't make sense, even if they aren't what you planned, know that He always has your best interest at heart. He is working behind the scenes to produce a wonderful work in your life!

Strength

"Even if you encounter opposition, have conviction and finish what you start. In the end, people will understand." ~ Mayor Hiroshi Fukawatari

Wouldn't be nice if one believed what you said? Wouldn't it be nice that when you stated something, another didn't call you paranoid and instead believed you? Wouldn't be especially nice if you didn't have to prove it is not paranoia but fact? Wouldn't it be nice if said person who vowed to stand beside you through thick and thin was the person who totally believed in you and backed you up? When did belief in the other go?

In my opinion, that is what marriage is all about. Trust. Faith. Belief in your spouse.

Well, I am standing tall even if it means I start over and end a marriage. I can't fight someone's opinion of me. BUT I can stand tall in the belief of who and what I am. I can stand tall in my belief that I am not paranoid. I can stand tall and go on by removing myself from the behavior of another that defames and demeans and devalues who and what I am.

I am strong. I believe in who and what I am. I can do everything through HIM who gives me strength.

Happy Mother's Day!

You can shed tears that she is gone or you can smile because she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back or you can open your eyes and see all she's left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see her or you can be full of the love you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday or you can he happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her and only that she's gone or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love, and go on.

I love and miss you mom ~ Happy Mother's Day with lots of love!