Yesterday after work I went to one of my sister's houses for her oldest son's graduation. My sister and I were pregnant at the same time and even had the same due dates. I lost our chid so my sister chose my husband and I to be his godparents. We also happen to be godparents of her other 2 boys. She bucked Roman Catholic tradition by choosing my husband and I although technically I am still a Roman Catholic although not practicing in that religion.
So you all might be wondering what this has to do with emotion. Well, one of my other sisters was there - the crabby bitchy one. Yep we walked in at 4pm and there she was muttering under her breath but loud enough for people to hear. She continued this for over an hour then stated that she was going home since she had been there since the beginning of the party (1pm) and it was now 5pm and people were just arriving and how this doesn't happen in small towns. I looked up at her and said, "Is there something making you stay since you obviously aren't happy? What part of the words OPEN HOUSE from 1pm - ? did you not understand?" She huffed and left.
One of my other sisters with her 5 girls was there when she said that - one of the girls who is 5 asked why Aunt C was crabby but she was glad she left because she could have fun now. But looking at the time we got there (4pm) until my sister left, I realized my 5 year old niece was right - the entire time my sister was bitching about something and if she wasn't bitching, she was silent - giving THE LOOK all the time to let everyone know she was displeased. And my niece was also right in that after my sister left, everyone was happier. My dad started interacting with the kids and the kids started interacting with the adults. All it took was one person's displeasure at everything to sour the whole mood of the party. It was then that I realized that was what my mother used to do. My sister had turned into my mother - emotionless and empty of any human feeling and bitter at anyone who wasn't. She was especially pissed at me since between offices yesterday I had brought over to my sister's a salad with instructions on how to put it together (a simple lettuce salad comprised of different lettuces, a package of dried cranberries, a package of chopped walnuts, and a bottle of homemade raspberry vinegrette - but one of my godson's favorites) and a Texas sheet cake (kinda like a brownie but iced and has cinnamon in it and uses gluten free products - another of my godson's favorites). It was stated that my sister was pissed that I got to bring things and she wasn't - I dunno. I just noticed the mood of everyone thawed the moment she left. In some ways I feel sorry for her and yet in other ways, she is a product of who and what she is and I think to me, it is just more noticeable now that my mother is gone.
There was a book I read when I left my parent's house at age 18 and that book along with a lot of counseling through ACOA, I learned that there are 6 basic roles that children growing up in a dysfunctional family adopt in order to survive:
1. The Good Child (also known as the Hero): a child who assumes the parental role.
2. The Problem Child (also known as the Scapegoat): the child who is blamed for most problems and may be partly responsible for the family's dysfunction, in spite of often being the only emotionally stable one in the family.
3. The Caretaker: the one who takes responsibility for the emotional well-being of the family.
4. The Lost Child: the inconspicuous, quiet one, whose needs are usually ignored or hidden.
5. The Mascot: uses comedy to divert attention away from the increasingly dysfunctional family system.
6. The Mastermind: the opportunist who capitalizes on the other family members' faults in order to get whatever he or she wants. Often the object of appeasement by grown-ups.
It's funny because I can see where each of the 6 of us fit into these roles. I am #2 although I was not responsible for my father's alcoholism or physical abuse.
Emotion - it's a sad place if you never experience what life has to offer you and instead you find fault in all He does for you. While one is a product of their youth, that does not have to define them. Instead one should grow up and become their own adult. I am glad I have. Being emotionally balanced can bring much peace into your life.
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