Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there and especially to my husband who has shown me what a real father should be. He learned how to be a good father from his own father. I wish my FIL could know how much I appreciate what he taught his son and how grateful I am for that.
As for my own father, I called him on Tuesday which is the day I usually talk to him. We have been in the midst of crisis in my household - son's sugar glider passed away last week and the same day, my favorite cat who is declawed and an indoor cat got away from my son who took it outside. We have been searching for him since, spending our days working then spending our evenings and nights being eaten by skeeters and searching for our precious Trouble. My father's comment? Stop your belly-aching - it's just an animal.
Needless to say that was not the right thing to say to me. But looking back in retrospect, it is my father and his opinion. It just differs from mine. That animal was a pet and a close pet. It is like a child. So while I have never liked what my father says, he is still my biological father and for that I took the time to call him today and wish him a Happy Father's Day. I feel you get back what you give and that is all I have to give him right now.
Today via email I received this from a friend, stating facts about things a father teaches their children. The email spoke to me and shows me exactly what kind of father my husband is and how much his father taught him. This was the email and a father's wisdom:
1. Your 30’s, 40’s and 50’s won’t feel like your 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. Adults are just older children. When you get older you won’t feel as old as you imagine you will. For the most part, you still feel exactly the way you feel right now, just a little wiser and more confident. You’ve had time to establish your place in the world and figure out what’s important to you. Don’t fear growing up. Look forward to it. It’s awesome.
2.Bad things will happen to you and your friends. Part of living and growing up is experiencing unexpected troubles in life. People lose jobs, get in car accidents and sometimes die. When you are younger, and things are going pretty well, this harsh reality can be hard to visualize. The smartest, and oftentimes hardest, thing we can do in these kinds of situations is to be tempered in our reactions. To want to scream obscenities, but to wiser and more disciplined than that. To remember that emotional rage only makes matters worse. And to remember that tragedies are rarely as bad as they seem, and even when they are, they give us an opportunity to grow stronger.
3.Everyone can make a huge difference. Making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So start small and start now.
4.First impressions aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Everyone and everything seems normal from a distance, or at a glance. The 10th, 20th, or even the 50th impression is when you start to truly understand someone else for who they truly are.
5.Big results come when you narrow your focus. Concentrate your efforts on smaller and smaller areas. When your efforts are diffused over a wide area they won’t have much of an impact. So focus on smaller areas and your efforts will be felt more fully. It could take time for change to happen, but keep that focus narrow.
6.Love yourself. Become your own priority. Strive to be the ‘you’ you want to be. Nourish your mind and body. Educate yourself every day until you die.
7.Sometimes you just have to go for it. Put your uncertainty and fears aside for a second and ask yourself this: “If I try and I don’t get it right the first time, what will I have lost and what will I have gained?” The answer is: You will have lost nothing but a little bit of your time while gaining an important lesson that will help you get it right the second or third time. People rarely get it right the first time. In fact, usually the only people who ever get it right are those who continue going for it even when they’ve come up short numerous times before.
8.In order to get, you have to give. Supporting, guiding and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. Everything you do comes back around.
9.Not much is worth fighting about. – If you can avoid it, don’t fight. Step back from arguments with your spouse, family members or neighbors. When you feel anger surging up and you want to yell that vulgar remark on tip of your tongue, just close your mouth and walk away. Let yourself calm down. You don’t have to be right or win an argument. It just doesn’t matter.
10.Don’t try to impress everyone. Purposely impressing people is an act that brings nothing but a momentary ego boost. Be real with people instead. Connect with fewer people on a level that is deeper and more profound.
11.Keep having fun. Fun is way underrated. With all of life’s responsibilities, fun will sometimes seem like an indulgence. It shouldn’t be. It should be a requirement. Make time for fun.
12.Keep it simple. There is a world of magnificence hidden in simplicity. Pick the five most important things in your life now and focus on those things. Let the other stuff go. Stop the busyness and really enjoy what’s important to you.
13.Little things stick with you. So pay attention to them. Like watching your child sleep. Preparing a meal with your family. Sharing a great laugh with an old friend. This is the real stuff life is made of.
14.Less advice is often the best advice. People don’t need lots of advice, they need to live. I’ve seen young, rocky relationships develop into wonderful marriages and fleeting inspirations ignite a lifetime of passion and happiness. Our life stories, like the answers we give to long essay questions, are uniquely ours. What people want to know is already somewhere inside of them. We all just need time to think, be and breathe, and continue to explore the undirected journeys that will eventually help us find our direction.
15.Manage your time. Your situation and environment is ever changing, so be careful not to confuse things that are urgent with things that are important.
16.Manage your money. – Don’t buy stuff you don’t need. Don’t spend more than you make. Don’t let your money manage you.
17.What you learn in school does matter. While you may not use the specifics of every classroom lesson, every lesson does expand the core thought process of your mind. Over time you will develop problem solving skills that are universally applicable. No single classroom lesson can teach this, and no single classroom lesson is more important.
18.Dreams will remain dreams forever if you don’t take action. Don’t dream about it anymore. Start doing it. In 40 years from now what is it that you will regret not having accomplished, appreciated or attempted? Do it, appreciate it and attempt it NOW!
Thank you honey honey honey for being the person you are and thank you dear FIL for helping him to be the man I love and father of my children.
**a note: the email did not come with who said these words. If the author would like to come forward, I will be glad to post who you are. This is why I put the whole email in quotations. They are not my words but words we all need to hear.
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