Inspirational Sunday - Loss/Anger/Peace

I decided to post today about a few things that has been on my mind and taking over my life the past 2 weeks.

#1. I think I had told everyone my son's sugarglider was not doing good. My husband and I had been giving her injections under her neck skin to rehydrate her and handfeeding her along with giving her antibiotics. She had started to rally but then lost her life exactly 2 weeks ago today. Here is a picture of her:

#2. The same exact day that the sugar glider died, my husband and son thought it would be funny to let my indoor cats out. Of course this was not their territory so they were scared and ran back to the door to get in. So son decided to take one of the cats further into our half acre yard and let him go. Instead of running back to the house, he freaked and ran into the woods. Since then it has been a almost constant search for him. He is front declawed and neutered. He does not like strangers at all and hides when anyone comes to the house and he does not like our granddogs. We did have a neighbor report yesterday that she had seen him on Thursday but had not called us and after calling more neighbors, I learned he had been spotted last night around 7pm. Note this is in the opposite direction of supposedly where my husband and son had last seen him. While I am grateful he at least has been spotted, I still can't help these angry feelings toward my husband and son who let the cat out to begin with. I am also happy to hear that he managed to elude the coyote that was seen entering our yard this past week. Here is a picture of my 2 year old baby:

#3. Ever feel so angry you just can't let what is on your mind out? Well, since I had accepted a secretary position last summer for an organization that I was already newsletter editor to, my life has been turmoil. The other board members have kept me in the dark. I was never given a copy of my job description until I demanded one and received it the end of January. I was not told of meetings and was chastised for not attending them. So 2 weeks ago today I had a board meeting to attend of this organization. I received not one, not two, but 12 reminders to come to said meeting and to make sure I had a working tape recorder. Please note I was handed this tape recorder at the January meeting and told it worked. Well, it didn't. But luckily enough I had taken really well notes. That is, except for two reports. I didn't have who accepted them as read nor who 2nd the motion. Wouldn't one think that this might be because it was never done? Nope - the president blamed me for not listening or having a working tape recorder (she's the one who gave it to me).

So at this meeting 2 weeks ago, I kept tabling my reports to the end. After 5 hours of listening to actually nothing and people making plans for meetings that have not even worked in the field for years, it was my turn to talk. I stood up and listed my grievances and how this job was nothing what was explained to me. I also stated that demanding one attend all the assistant lectures was demeaning to my education and if there was another lecture that was of interest to me, I was going to go to it. I then stated that I did not think I was the right person for this job because I actually had a brain. I resigned. I had 30 days to get the minutes typed up and turned in (why I don't know since the 2 reports from last fall were given to me at this meeting). I asked for the reports to be read again, accepted and 2nd. I then started talking about the newsletter editor position. I stated that in the past the membership chairperson had worked with me on labels. Since I had taken the secretary position I have repeatedly asked for updates and was given none. Finally the executive administrator dropped off labels for me stating that she did it for me.

Interesting fact.......the labels didn't match any of the members at all and she added 5 other people to the roster that were former members. But friends I knew had paid and renewed were missing from said list. I sent an email stating the labels given me were wrong and I needed clarification. I waited a week then resent the email with 2nd request. I waited a week then sent an email labeled 3rd request and so on since March. To date I have not been given the correct labels or an explanation of what changed and why. I was told at this meeting to get the newsletters out immediately using the labels that were given me and it was not my position to double check anyone's work - to just accept what was given me.

Not the thing to say to me. Since my life has been filled with either work or hunting for my cat, I have not sent the newsletters or done the minutes. I get on the average of 5 emails a day asking for both. I have answered no one's email. I figure I have 30 days which would mean that the minutes are due July 11th by 7pm (the time the meeting adjourned. They will get the minutes July 11th at 6:55pm.

As for the newsletter? I am resigning that position too only they won't find out unless they read this newsletter which I changed to include my resignation.

So I bet you are wondering why this post is inspirational. Well, in it, believe it or not, I have found peace. I no longer have 2 things to worry about on my plate. I am going back down to concentrating on my family and God. I have peace that my cat was spotted. It is just a matter of time that God will send him back or allow me to find him. That would not have happened without my daily prayers asking for guidance.

So this post is about listening to yourself. You are usually right about something that just feels wrong. Listen to yourself. Pray for guidance. You will find peace.

UPDATE: As of 8pm tonight, we found our cat. He was hiding in the wheel well of a large RV parked a few houses away. We took him to the emergency vet in our area and he was pronounced lighter by a pound. He took his flea pill like a trooper and ate everything we gave him there. He looks none the worse for wear except a bit dirtier. He is skittish inside the home and will need to be separated from our other 2 cats for a week. I imagine there will need to be a re-introduction and I expect a lot of hissing next weekend.

God does answer prayers.

Inspirational Sunday - Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there and especially to my husband who has shown me what a real father should be. He learned how to be a good father from his own father. I wish my FIL could know how much I appreciate what he taught his son and how grateful I am for that.

As for my own father, I called him on Tuesday which is the day I usually talk to him. We have been in the midst of crisis in my household - son's sugar glider passed away last week and the same day, my favorite cat who is declawed and an indoor cat got away from my son who took it outside. We have been searching for him since, spending our days working then spending our evenings and nights being eaten by skeeters and searching for our precious Trouble. My father's comment? Stop your belly-aching - it's just an animal.

Needless to say that was not the right thing to say to me. But looking back in retrospect, it is my father and his opinion. It just differs from mine. That animal was a pet and a close pet. It is like a child. So while I have never liked what my father says, he is still my biological father and for that I took the time to call him today and wish him a Happy Father's Day. I feel you get back what you give and that is all I have to give him right now.

Today via email I received this from a friend, stating facts about things a father teaches their children. The email spoke to me and shows me exactly what kind of father my husband is and how much his father taught him. This was the email and a father's wisdom:

1. Your 30’s, 40’s and 50’s won’t feel like your 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. Adults are just older children. When you get older you won’t feel as old as you imagine you will. For the most part, you still feel exactly the way you feel right now, just a little wiser and more confident. You’ve had time to establish your place in the world and figure out what’s important to you. Don’t fear growing up. Look forward to it. It’s awesome.

2.Bad things will happen to you and your friends. Part of living and growing up is experiencing unexpected troubles in life. People lose jobs, get in car accidents and sometimes die. When you are younger, and things are going pretty well, this harsh reality can be hard to visualize. The smartest, and oftentimes hardest, thing we can do in these kinds of situations is to be tempered in our reactions. To want to scream obscenities, but to wiser and more disciplined than that. To remember that emotional rage only makes matters worse. And to remember that tragedies are rarely as bad as they seem, and even when they are, they give us an opportunity to grow stronger.

3.Everyone can make a huge difference. Making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So start small and start now.

4.First impressions aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Everyone and everything seems normal from a distance, or at a glance. The 10th, 20th, or even the 50th impression is when you start to truly understand someone else for who they truly are.

5.Big results come when you narrow your focus. Concentrate your efforts on smaller and smaller areas. When your efforts are diffused over a wide area they won’t have much of an impact. So focus on smaller areas and your efforts will be felt more fully. It could take time for change to happen, but keep that focus narrow.

6.Love yourself. Become your own priority. Strive to be the ‘you’ you want to be. Nourish your mind and body. Educate yourself every day until you die.

7.Sometimes you just have to go for it. Put your uncertainty and fears aside for a second and ask yourself this: “If I try and I don’t get it right the first time, what will I have lost and what will I have gained?” The answer is: You will have lost nothing but a little bit of your time while gaining an important lesson that will help you get it right the second or third time. People rarely get it right the first time. In fact, usually the only people who ever get it right are those who continue going for it even when they’ve come up short numerous times before.

8.In order to get, you have to give. Supporting, guiding and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. Everything you do comes back around.
9.Not much is worth fighting about. – If you can avoid it, don’t fight. Step back from arguments with your spouse, family members or neighbors. When you feel anger surging up and you want to yell that vulgar remark on tip of your tongue, just close your mouth and walk away. Let yourself calm down. You don’t have to be right or win an argument. It just doesn’t matter.

10.Don’t try to impress everyone. Purposely impressing people is an act that brings nothing but a momentary ego boost. Be real with people instead. Connect with fewer people on a level that is deeper and more profound.

11.Keep having fun. Fun is way underrated. With all of life’s responsibilities, fun will sometimes seem like an indulgence. It shouldn’t be. It should be a requirement. Make time for fun.

12.Keep it simple. There is a world of magnificence hidden in simplicity. Pick the five most important things in your life now and focus on those things. Let the other stuff go. Stop the busyness and really enjoy what’s important to you.

13.Little things stick with you. So pay attention to them. Like watching your child sleep. Preparing a meal with your family. Sharing a great laugh with an old friend. This is the real stuff life is made of.

14.Less advice is often the best advice. People don’t need lots of advice, they need to live. I’ve seen young, rocky relationships develop into wonderful marriages and fleeting inspirations ignite a lifetime of passion and happiness. Our life stories, like the answers we give to long essay questions, are uniquely ours. What people want to know is already somewhere inside of them. We all just need time to think, be and breathe, and continue to explore the undirected journeys that will eventually help us find our direction.

15.Manage your time. Your situation and environment is ever changing, so be careful not to confuse things that are urgent with things that are important.
16.Manage your money. – Don’t buy stuff you don’t need. Don’t spend more than you make. Don’t let your money manage you.

17.What you learn in school does matter. While you may not use the specifics of every classroom lesson, every lesson does expand the core thought process of your mind. Over time you will develop problem solving skills that are universally applicable. No single classroom lesson can teach this, and no single classroom lesson is more important.

18.Dreams will remain dreams forever if you don’t take action. Don’t dream about it anymore. Start doing it. In 40 years from now what is it that you will regret not having accomplished, appreciated or attempted? Do it, appreciate it and attempt it NOW!

Thank you honey honey honey for being the person you are and thank you dear FIL for helping him to be the man I love and father of my children.

**a note: the email did not come with who said these words. If the author would like to come forward, I will be glad to post who you are. This is why I put the whole email in quotations. They are not my words but words we all need to hear.

Inspirational Sunday - Emotion

Yesterday after work I went to one of my sister's houses for her oldest son's graduation. My sister and I were pregnant at the same time and even had the same due dates. I lost our chid so my sister chose my husband and I to be his godparents. We also happen to be godparents of her other 2 boys. She bucked Roman Catholic tradition by choosing my husband and I although technically I am still a Roman Catholic although not practicing in that religion.

So you all might be wondering what this has to do with emotion. Well, one of my other sisters was there - the crabby bitchy one. Yep we walked in at 4pm and there she was muttering under her breath but loud enough for people to hear. She continued this for over an hour then stated that she was going home since she had been there since the beginning of the party (1pm) and it was now 5pm and people were just arriving and how this doesn't happen in small towns. I looked up at her and said, "Is there something making you stay since you obviously aren't happy? What part of the words OPEN HOUSE from 1pm - ? did you not understand?" She huffed and left.

One of my other sisters with her 5 girls was there when she said that - one of the girls who is 5 asked why Aunt C was crabby but she was glad she left because she could have fun now. But looking at the time we got there (4pm) until my sister left, I realized my 5 year old niece was right - the entire time my sister was bitching about something and if she wasn't bitching, she was silent - giving THE LOOK all the time to let everyone know she was displeased. And my niece was also right in that after my sister left, everyone was happier. My dad started interacting with the kids and the kids started interacting with the adults. All it took was one person's displeasure at everything to sour the whole mood of the party. It was then that I realized that was what my mother used to do. My sister had turned into my mother - emotionless and empty of any human feeling and bitter at anyone who wasn't. She was especially pissed at me since between offices yesterday I had brought over to my sister's a salad with instructions on how to put it together (a simple lettuce salad comprised of different lettuces, a package of dried cranberries, a package of chopped walnuts, and a bottle of homemade raspberry vinegrette - but one of my godson's favorites) and a Texas sheet cake (kinda like a brownie but iced and has cinnamon in it and uses gluten free products - another of my godson's favorites). It was stated that my sister was pissed that I got to bring things and she wasn't - I dunno. I just noticed the mood of everyone thawed the moment she left. In some ways I feel sorry for her and yet in other ways, she is a product of who and what she is and I think to me, it is just more noticeable now that my mother is gone.

There was a book I read when I left my parent's house at age 18 and that book along with a lot of counseling through ACOA, I learned that there are 6 basic roles that children growing up in a dysfunctional family adopt in order to survive:
1. The Good Child (also known as the Hero): a child who assumes the parental role.
2. The Problem Child (also known as the Scapegoat): the child who is blamed for most problems and may be partly responsible for the family's dysfunction, in spite of often being the only emotionally stable one in the family.
3. The Caretaker: the one who takes responsibility for the emotional well-being of the family.
4. The Lost Child: the inconspicuous, quiet one, whose needs are usually ignored or hidden.
5. The Mascot: uses comedy to divert attention away from the increasingly dysfunctional family system.
6. The Mastermind: the opportunist who capitalizes on the other family members' faults in order to get whatever he or she wants. Often the object of appeasement by grown-ups.

It's funny because I can see where each of the 6 of us fit into these roles. I am #2 although I was not responsible for my father's alcoholism or physical abuse.

Emotion - it's a sad place if you never experience what life has to offer you and instead you find fault in all He does for you. While one is a product of their youth, that does not have to define them. Instead one should grow up and become their own adult. I am glad I have. Being emotionally balanced can bring much peace into your life.

Need Time Out Chairs

I had something happen today I just had to share. Hubs is a podiatrist and when statements go out to patients, we get all sorts of calls. Today was not exception.........EXCEPT these were definitely full moon type calls. Those type of calls from angry irate patients. I am considering getting a "time out chair" for our office.

Caller #1: Why are you sending me a bill?
Me: Because your insurance companies have paid their portion and left you this balance of which they state is yours.
Caller #1: So I have to pay it?
Me: Yes you do. It is your portion of the bill. I can take care of that for you if you give me your credit card number.
Caller #1: I really really really have to pay this?
Me: Yes you really really really have to.
Caller #1: Well, I will think about it.
Me: Well, I would just like to remind you of the financial policy you signed the first day you saw us: if you do not pay a bill within 30 days, a $25.00 rebilling fee will apply. So please think before the 30 days are up.
Caller #1: OMG no wonder why doctors live in fancy houses.
Me: Mrs X, you owe me $9.01 and I can assure you that $9.01 along with the $24.79 that your insurance company paid for your visit does not purchase a fancy house.
Caller #1: Well, I will think about it.
**click** - she hung up on me.

Caller #2 through 20 - same idea with different wording.

Caller #21: Screaming into phone: Are you there?
Me: If you are asking if I am at the office, then yes I am here.
**click** - she hung up on me.

Only to appear 15 minutes later charging into the office like an angry bull............
Patient: What is this crap?
Me: Well, Mrs Y, I think that is a statement from us that has been crumpled and wrinkled up.
Patient: I know damn well what it is. Why?
Me: Well, usually one gets a statement after we receive payment from your insurance company and there is a balance left. We then send you a statement letting you know what the insurance company states is your portion of the bill.
Patient: Well, I never.
Me: I don't quite know how to respond to that. Do you want a full explanation of your bill? Is there some part you don't understand?
Patient: Why did you charge me a new patient office visit and not my husband?
Me: Well, let's look at your bill first. You became a patient of our practice on such and such date. You were billed a new patient visit. Medicare put that whole amount to your annual $162.00 deductible. Your 2nd insurance has an annual $800.00 deductible so they didn't pay anything either. So you owe us the full amount of all the services that Medicare set their prices at.
Patient: I know there is a deductible for Medicare. Are you calling me stupid?
Me: No Mrs Y I am not. I am explaining your bill for you.
Patient: I also know there is a deductible for my husband's insurance. So let them pay.
Me: Mrs Y, they won't. They have a $800.00 deductible so they put all your charges towards that deductible, stating you owe us the balance.
Patient: I am reporting you for fraud.
Me: Good, do you want Medicare's number? I am sure Medicare will agree that you have to pay the first $162.00 per year, and then they will pay 80% of the bill and you will owe 20% of the bill. Your 2nd insurance happens to have a higher deductible than Medicare so it will not cover that Medicare deductible or the 20% until you have paid $800.00 and then they will pay 100%.
Patient: Why wasn't my husband charged a new patient visit that day?
Me: Your husband was charged a new patient visit when he first visited us last October. When he saw us in March, that was his 2nd visit so of course we didn't charge him a new patient visit.
Patient: with voice raising......the first time either my husband or I were here was in March. This is fraud. You people are full of fraud.
Me: speaking really soft to get her to calm down: Well, Mrs Y, I have your husband's chart right here. Since he is unable to write his name, you signed for him. The date you signed that form is October X, 2010. Now I see your chart, and the first time you visited us was in March, 2011 and here are your signatures. You are the one who put the dates on the forms. Here is the financial policy where you agreed to pay the balance. Now will that be check, cash or charge?
Patient after a good 2 long minutes: picks up her purse and storms around the patient window and into the office where I am sitting and gets right next to me, slams her purse down and yells at me - well you are still full of fraud. (I said nothing but wondered if she would get angrier if I gave her a breath mint) She proceeded to write her check out leaving the name of the practice off. She threw the check into my face and hissed: fill in the check with the name of the office missy and it better not be your name........
Me: Thank you Mrs Y. I am filling in the name of the practice. You can compare what I am writing on your check from what is on this business card (handing her a business card).
Patient: I am keeping this card. I am still reporting you.
Me: Thank you. You have a great day.
she stood there glaring at me......
Me: Would you like the fraud number to Medicare?
She stormed out of the office, making sure to really really really slam the door.

The rest of the office: clapped and congratulated me on not punching her out. I marked on her chart that this patient or her husband are never to be booked with us again.

**sigh** I hate patient statement weeks and at the end of the day.....I don't know who actually needs the "time out chair" more - the patient or me.