Inspirational Sunday - Friendship

I thought a lot about what I would post for inspirational Sunday and this topic kept coming back to me.

Many years ago I wrote this in my journal: 'Does this friendship strengthen me or weaken me? Is my day brighter, my life brighter and better because of your presence?If you strengthen me, support my best self, bring the best out of me, then you are a friend.'

I even remember why I wrote it. I had just been diagnosed with cancer and was hurt by the people who I thought were friends just totally ignore me. I was deeply heartbroken. I felt betrayed, stabbed in the back, and I was shocked, hurt and astounded. But then I realized that I really shouldn't have been so surprised. If I had thought about all the times I felt little hurts when I was with them, how insecure I would feel at times and how careful I was at other times, then I would have known this wasn’t a true friend. Instead I focused on the other factor of our friendship and I didn’t give the quality of our friendship enough attention. Looking back at it, all the signs were there.

When we are young, we want the feeling of being accepted, loved, and appreciated. We become friends with everyone but especially those with common interests. As we age, we whittle down those friends to those that allow us to grow and show us how to be the best we can be and totally support each other. This does not mean though that these other 'friends' won't stay around. Sometimes it takes a stress to the friendship that we realize who stays around and why. Those that are left are our real friends. I really think learning about who your true friends are is a growing up experience that never ends. I am 56 and still learning.

How many of you have had bad friends? I know I have. Bad friends can take on many forms. The manipulator friend is one that we don't always see right away but you will feel coerced into responding in a way that just does not feel right or goes against who and what we are. The judger friend is the friend who always feels the need to judge and criticize us and find fault in everything we do. The competitor friend competes with you even when you are not competing. There is nothing you can do that they can't do better. The opportunistic friend just takes. They will never do anything for you. They will only be around you when they need or want something. The friendship is all about what's in it for them. The energy zapper friend is self-absorbed and narcissistic. They leave you feeling totally exhausted. Then there is the gossip friend or the drama friend. They are only interested in gossip and tend to enjoy exaggeration and throw in little lies to liven up the drama. They live for the drama and if you are not careful they will compromise your job and reputation. I also had a few I named the negative friend. They are the ones who constantly tell you all that is wrong in their world. They are pessimistic and only want to hear what is wrong and will change the subject if you are happy. I have also learned that what happens in a friend's life can change who they are and turn a friendship into a bad one.

Recognizing true friends is hard. It is easier to see true friends of another. You can tell a lot about who a person is by the company they keep. But that is also true about you. Our friendships tell us about who we are. There is a saying that pretty much sums it up:

Through our lives we may gather many friends. It is a word that is taken for granted, and we really don’t consider the true meaning. If we are very blessed we will find a friend who seems to know what we are thinking before the thought is created. A spiritual bond exists which defies explanation. We feel each others joys and sorrows.

So what makes a true friend? I really feel true friendships are spiritual since one has to accept another as they are - in other words we have to first be a friend to ourselves before we can become a friend to another. Friends therefore require that there is a profound respect for each other and challenge each other to be who and what they really are without withdrawing our affection for them.

A true friend is also honest. They might not share all details of their life but they will let you know when something isn't right.

A true friend is also fun, interesting, and unique. They are not like you and they don't force who they are onto you. They share their interpretation of life with you. They let you be who you are and you let them be who they are.

A true friend is a fairly good listener and notices if something is affecting you. They can't read your mind but can tell if you are happy, sad, excited, shocked, or upset. They won't try to change what you are feeling but will support you in what you are feeling and talk to you about it. They also know when to allow you to go through something yourself and when to give or not give their opinion.

A true friend is supportive of you. They won't try to change who you are or drag you into things that they know will make you uncomfortable or put you in a compromising situation. They help you become the person you want to be.

A true friend is one that you can really trust. They won't steal your friends or your job or damage your reputation.

A true friend is one that cares about you - the real you.

A true friend sticks with you in good times and bad and is very loyal.

A true friend accepts you for who you are. They know how to deal with your quirks and faults and loves you anyway.

A true friend is also patient when you make a mistake. They treat you as they would want you to treat them. They will also forgive you when you hurt them. They know you at your best and worst. They also will believe you when you say something was out of your hands and not blame you.

Luckily, I found true friendship with my spouse. I also have a few people I consider true friends. I consider myself blessed.

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile...it's the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friendship."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway."
~ Elbert Hubbard

"Many people will walk in and out of you life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart."
~ Unknown

“True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it's not.”
~ Unknown

“You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your 'friends.'”
~ Unknown