TTFN

This picture depicts my week. I have pretty well worked non-stop at the offices then come home to put the finishing touches on my lectures for the 4 day seminar starting this Thursday through Sunday and trying to make my Sunday 8am lecture halfway entertaining. Let's see, did I mention I also helped sponsor a surprise 54th anniversary luncheon for my parent's? The topper of that day came when I got into a fight with my mother who wanted to appoint me executor of their estate and will and I said no way Jose....all I want is the pink depression glass and otherwise I am staying clear of my family. Wills and estates tear families apart and I choose not to be there. I will be in charge of their healthcare if they want that and will respect their wishes there but not dishing out the money.

Oh and let's add to my life a 4 page newsletter that the one group of 85 doctors I do consulting work for decided last Wednesday that they wanted this newsletter to send out on Thursday....insert major eyeroll that daughter does so well..... Got it done. Didn't sleep much.

I did slip in some clothes shopping with daughter tonight after work....went to start packing as we leave Wed evening after office hours...and found my 'real clothes' don't fit anymore...way too big! So had some fun....found this really cute outfit but daughter said she would disown me if I bought it (can I help if the capri pants went to my cankles?) I did end up with a few shirts and pants and with my jackets I think I will pass muster. My husband is excited as all he sees me in are scrubs.

You all behave yourselves. I have a busy day tomorrow and then we leave Wed so I doubt I will be back till Sunday as the hotel charges for internet connections. I am hoping since they paid for my room they upgraded that and I can get online at some point....would go into some serious withdrawal...but then again there is hotel sex to keep me busy! What is it about men? Hotels, sand, woman naked....they want sex!

Hubs has been a real PITA lately...very PMSy...I think he knew he was at the end of his rope cuz he made dinner tonight and had it ready when I got home....sigh...I am so easy.....

So be good....or at least have fun!

How low can one go?

There are times I just cannot believe the balls and nerve of some people. I used to belong to a board that I left for lots of reasons. How one person there got my email address I have no clue but in today's email I got this:

I don't know where else to turn. Today I received catastrophic news. My beloved dog, ***, has been diagnosed with IMHA, a blood disease that's sometimes fatal. We spent the last of our money today seeing two different veterinarians. Tomorrow she's scheduled for an ultrasound to determine whether she's bleeding internally. We can't afford this diagnostic test. We plan to overdraft our account and then worry about it later. We spent an entire pay-day loan on today's bills. We have shitty credit and can't get financed through Care Credit. We got turned down. Long story short, I'm broke, and my dog needs immediate medical attention including tests, blood transfusions and hospitalization. At the very least, I need money to pay for euthanasia and cremation services. I'm desperate. So... if you have the means to help me out, even with just a couple of bucks, I'll gladly and gratefully accept your charity. You can make donations through ***'s Paypal account.

Tomorrow's ultrasound will cost $500, and that's just for starters. If she dies overnight and I don't need all the money you send, I'll send it back to you. You Can Send Money Thru This PayPal Account: ***

Now mind you I have never spoken to this person. I did not nor did I ever care to have her email address. It's been at least 2 years since I even frequented that board. This is actually one of the many reasons I left there as this type of thing happened there before.

Hubs and I have helped out many people but we mainly sponsor women and children getting back on their feet from the abuse shelter. We are huge supporters of that cause. But this? This is human nature at its lowest and actually just pisses me off.

Planning weddings

Ok, daughter isn't 'officially' engaged...must be a new thang cuz they have a date, we just booked the reception, made out the guest list, and are researching DJ's and videographers and photographers who do both traditional and photojournaling. Learning bunches. Going broke fast.

When hubs and I married we spent a grand total of $6000.00 for our wedding, reception AND honeymoon. We had a full sit down dinner for 200, full open bar, champagne toast, 7 piece band, and went to Jamaica for our honeymoon. That price also included my dress, tuxes, flowers, church, and photographer and the other miscellaneous matchbooks, unity candle, toasting goblets, knife, invitations, and thank you cards.

Daughter's wedding to date: 200 guests at $100.00 apiece for 3 appetizers served by white gloved waiters, champagne with strawberry upon entering reception, harpist and pianist for pre dinner and during dinner, soup, salad, beef tenderloin, chicken marsala, rigatoni with marinara, cake, full open bar with premium liquor for 6 hours, and a sweets bar which includes a chocolate fountain. Total cost: $20,000.00

Videographer.....now I had no clue as to what this was. I was quickly informed that it is the guy who videotapes the wedding and reception. Average price: $2000.00. My idea: get one of my brothers to do it. We all have videocameras.

Photogragher which does photojournaling and traditional pictures...again had no clue to what photojournaling was and am being quickly enlightened. Average price: $3000.00. My idea: have portable cameras for the guests to record moments.

Now we still have so many things and the prices keep going up. Son is all for it. He says that what we spend on daughter's wedding he wants in cash. He will elope and keep the money for them. (I have a wait on him as there is not even one girl that I know of around...last count he was dating 4 different ones).

The corker: my daughter says I have to wear nylons......honest to gosh pantyhose and not my thigh highs and garter belt.........I don't know if I am ready for this......

Medical Office Pet Peeves

It has to be a full moon. Today's pet peeves:
1. Don't call a doctor's office stating that you have been in severe pain for over 3 weeks and you just decided to call the office today for an appointment and demand to be seen the same day.
2. Don't call a doctor's office and whine that your mother needs her toenails trimmed TODAY because you decided to finally visit her and want to take her out. TRIM THEM YOURSELF!
3. Don't yell at me when it is YOUR insurance policy that states you can't have a certain treatment. It's not my fault. Yell at your boss or employee benefits.
4. Don't yell at me or try to bargain with me because you have a deductible of $1000.00 which has to be met before the insurance company decides to pay. That deductible is your responsibility, period. Don't try to say 3 months after the fact that you didn't want those services anyway. YOU GOT THEM! You can't take a loaf of bread back to the grocery store. You can't take services you received back either. You signed the consent. You agreed to the procedure. Now pay your bill.
5. The internet's information can be wrong. Don't believe what is out there. I am not the hospital. Don't yell at me that you got my number from the internet and I am supposed to be the hospital. I am not. Call directory assistance. I am not directory assistance nor do I have the time to be.
6. Insurance companies will do anything to get out of paying your bills. One of their biggest ways is to say the doctor billed this incorrectly. No we didn't. We just happened to use a code that became effective January 1st and your insurance company hasn't updated their computers yet. Tis not my problem.
7. Don't yell at me that you weren't expecting to get a bill from us. If the insurance company says that you owe a portion of your bill, you do. This is non-negotiable.
8. Just because your insurance company finally decided to pay us after 6 months of yelling at them, don't yell at me that you finally got a bill. You have received monthly statements and signed a financial agreement that this is your insurance company, not mine, and you would be responsible for payments not received within 3 months. Yell at your insurance company.
9. Insurance companies do not pay for everything. Don't even attempt to try and ask me to bill it in a different way so it would be covered. That is fraud and I am unwilling to commit fraud for your ass as I will lose my license.
10. Yes, we accept payment plans but $5.00 a month when you drive a BMW and come in with a Starbucks coffee cup are not acceptable. Yes, if you are on payment plans, we bill you a $10.00 rebilling fee if you miss one payment.

As you can see, tis been a wee bit of a rough morning....one office down and one to go....

HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY and Happy 54th Anniversary Mom and Dad!

Age is a matter of opinion

My daughter and I have been having a 'discussion' on what I wanted for my birthday or for that matter, any present (Mother's Day, anniversary, Christmas, etc). According to her opinion, I am showing my age because all I wanted was impersonal items and I couldn't even come up with a good list. According to her, a good list is a minimum of 2 pages long. I barely can make 5 lines. Now if I can put a cook, housecleaner that understands English and really cleans my way and does the laundry, a masseuse, a private secretary, and a zillion other things that would make my life easier, I would be in heaven. So in reality, I put books, charms, and miscellaneous kitchen gadgets on the list. When did I get old? I can't wait until the discussions on wedding traditions start up.

Birthdays

Lying about your age is easier now that you sometimes forget what it is.

"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest."
Larry Lorenzoni.

"Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life."
Robert Southey.

Today was my 53rd birthday. I spent the day at a senior health fair, then chatting with friends and family on the phone, then opened presents from my kids, hubs, and grandpuppies tonight. Kinda anticlimatic......but in reality it is my life and it's perfect. I wouldn't want it any other way. Hubs had a meeting earlier and one of the doctors there asked him what he was getting me...he said a few things she wanted from Bed Bath and Beyond (new spatulas, new gravy separator, new wok) and the only chocolate I eat: Fanny May's Chocolate Covered Cherries. All the doctors around him were a little shocked that he wasn't going to a jewelry store.....jewelry is so not me. The only jewelry I wear is my wedding rings, my angel pin, and my Mickey Mouse watch. I love my charm bracelet but have plenty of charms now. Maybe that is a sign of aging....I couldn't really tell anyone what I wanted as there was nothing I really wanted. Twenty years ago my list would have been 2 pages long. Now....give me a gift certificate for the book store or Bed Bath and Beyond....either I can spend hours in and find something to get myself. All in all, it was a fantastic birthday and I wouldn't change anything one iota. And yes Tate....I did get that :)

Parenting

Every parent out there has gotten "the eyeroll" before from their children. It's a fact of life: parents do not have all the answers and especially in their children's eyes. I think this is why parents love to say "I told you so" and do it so well.

I can remember when my mother used to use her spit and clean off some dirty item on my face and I would be YUCK YUCK YUCK......I am never doing that to my child. I can remember all those little things that would drive me nuts that my mother did.

Then I became a mother. Worse yet, one day I turned around and swore my mother was saying the same words that seemed to come out of my mouth. It was a cosmic experience I tell ya....it wasn't really me saying that!

One day your children become adults. One of mine moved out. We actually get along fantastic now but today I got it.....YEP THE EYEROLL. It was over the phone but a mom knows. I felt it. I know when she's trying to get me off the phone to say something or roll her eyes and call me impossible. I know because I did it.

**sigh** I am imagining that eyeroll for many years to come. I will be like my mother: "I wish you to have the same type of child you are only hundredfold!"

Just think...I used to call them angelic....when they were sleeping of course :)

Heartprints

Every time I hear a friend who was just diagnosed with cancer or that their cancer is back, I cringe. I know what that feels like. Right now I have a dear friend whose father's Multiple Myeloma is back with a vengenance. He was given less than 2 years as it has progressed that much. He is accepting it. His family is not. They want him to try for a stem cell transplant which if it worked, it would only prolong his life maybe a year as it will not be a cure. I had an aunt who went through the massive chemo required for a stem cell transplant. She was relatively healthy and young going in. This guy is not. He is in almost complete heart failure...yet his family wants him to go for the stem cell. He doesn't want his last year/s spent miserable with the chemo...he just wants to be surrounded by his family and asked me to help them see his viewpoint. It is a huge struggle as I can see both sides. I know if given that prognosis I wouldn't do it which is what I told them. I can only hope they see and understand where he is coming from.

Ever have one OF THOSE DAYS???

Definitely having a crappy Monday. This is my first full day back to work after being off sick for 3 weeks and I wanna go back to bed and forget today ever started. First I see the pile of stuff that was left for me to do (which my employees were told how to handle yet didn't...they better be glad I don't do payroll this week), THEN one is out sick so I have to do double duty working both the front and back, THEN I get a fax that is so absurd it's pitiful but it will force me to hire a lawyer to defend myself (said person is upset with his former employer who is one of my clients), THEN I just got lunch and by the time I got to it, it was cold. Nothing like a cold grilled chicken sandwich! THEN my boss (my husband) tells me to book a surgery for a patient that I call the PITA from hell which would necessitate seeing her every week for 3 months. THEN I find out it is some school holiday (some Polish guy Polaski or something) and there are kids skateboarding on the sidewalk and coming to the hot dog place next door with their car stereos blaring and booming (how they maintain any hearing is beyond me)...THEN I do not forsee getting outta here until after 9PM.....where's my Valium??????? Is it a full moon?

Treating Myself

Hubs and I stopped today on the way home from his parent's house at two of my favorite stores: Barnes and Noble & Family Christian Bookstores.

At Barnes & Noble, I couldn't resist IL Divo's newest CD: SIEMPRE which has the following songs:
1. Nights In White Satin
2. Caruso
3. Without You (Desde El Dia Que Te Fuiste)
4. Come Primavera
5. Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman (Un Regalo Que Te Dio La Vida)
6. La Vida Sin Amour
7. Una Noche
8. You Raise Me Up (Por Ti Sere)
9. Tell That To My Heart (Amour Venme A Buscar)
10. Musica Includes very special bonus track Somewhere

I actually restrained myself from getting too many books (actually only picked up a couple) as I had left my wish list at home.

Then we stopped at Christian Family Bookstores where I picked up some new prayer beads for a friend who had asked me how to use them. There I picked up a book on Prayer Beads which not only included the Catholic version but a lot of history about prayer beads in general....it was a fascinating read.

Some things I learned:
1. Prayer beads are traditionally used to keep count of the repetitions of prayers, chants or devotions by adherents of religion.
2. There are three widely accepted uses for prayer beads:

a. Repetition of the same devotion a set (usually large) number of times. This is the earliest form of prayer beads (the Japa Mala) and the earliest Christian form (the prayer rope). This is also the type of use in the Bahá'í Faith. The most common mala have 108 beads.
b. Repetition of several different prayers in some pattern, possibly interspersed with meditations. Meditation on a series of spiritual themes, e.g. Islam. The contemporary Pearls of Life, invented by Martin Lönnebo, Bishop Emeritus of the Linköping Diocese of the Swedish Lutheran Church, is a set of 18 beads, some round and some elongated, arranged in an irregular pattern. Each one has its own significance as a stimulus and reminder for meditation, although they can also be used for repetitive prayer.
c. Roman Catholics and Anglicans use the Rosary as prayer beads. In the mid-1980s Anglican prayer beads or Christian prayer beads were developed in the Episcopal Church and have since been adopted by some Protestants. The set consists of 33 beads (representing the 33 years of the life of Christ) arranged in four groupings of symbolic significance.

I actually still have the Rosary I was given at my 1st Communion, plus I have my paternal grandfather's and my materal grandmother's rosaries but I prefer my wooden one I was given from my cancer buddy. I use them to not only recite the Catholic version of the Rosary but I will also use each bead to recite a gratitude (things I am grateful for). It helps me to see the positives of the day instead of focusing on the negatives. And today I really needed to focus on the positives.

So tonight when I go to bed, I will be listening to IL Divo and saying my gratitudes.

Edited to add the picture of my rosary bead bracelet:

In laws

If I were ever to write a story about anything, I would not have to look farther than either my own family or my inlaws. Since we are getting together with inlaws tomorrow, that is today's subject.

I was the oldest so by the age of 8, I was cooking full meals and helping to take care of my younger brothers and sisters and helping to run the house especially during harvest. My relationship with my mother has never been a good loving one. I actually can't remember the last time my mother told me she loved me. My parents were all about how we looked to the public than what was really going on within the family dynamics. I come along within the 1st year of my parent's marriage and as most of you know, am not a quiet mousey type person. I speak my mind which made me into the black sheep and scapegoat of the family. So when I met my husband's parents, I was impressed with how close they were and so involved in each other's lives. Boy was that soon to change. I was ok as long as we were dating but the moment that ring went on my finger all hell broke loose.... but never in front of my husband....no sireeee...she was the epitome of a back stabbing covert hostile bitch with a Dr Jeckel and Mr Hyde personality.

I sometimes wonder if someone was spying on me when they began writing "Everybody Loves Raymond." It's funny how faces and names may be different, but the stories sure do sound the same. I keep telling myself that I'm getting trained on either how to or how not to be a mother in law to my future daughter in law. Hopefully I'm learning the "right" lesson.

My MIL has never changed. She repeats to me every chance she can get that hubs and I will never last (we will be married 28 years this summer and together 30). I will never forget that one day she let my husband see her real self: we walked out of their house on Christmas after she went into a hissy fit and stated to our children that I was a bad mother and I stunk. In some ways I feel sorry for her because she lost her son a long time ago and she has never gotten to know her only grandchildren. She is a very bitter woman happy to dwell in her unhappiness and martyrdom.

On the other hand, hub's father is a peach of a man. He is kind, considerate, and removes his wife from my site when she way oversteps her bounds (rearranging my cabinets, doing the white glove along window sills, complaining how filthy our frig is, how much I am not feeding her precious son properly, etc). But his father suffered a stroke almost a year ago and lost much of his short term memory and ability to think and reason so he is no longer any help.

Tomorrow we are going an hour out of our way to pick them up and take them to a brunch for her birthday, then to see our daughter's townhome (something she has been bitching about for almost 2 years now), then back to their home to do the numerous things she thinks needs to be done around their house that his father can no longer do (last month was to replace a light bulb in a tabletop lamp). Why they don't go into a retirement community is beyond me as they can't take care of the house or property. She barely drives...only in town....which is actually good in that she does not show up on my doorstep anymore.

I cope by repeating to myself: this woman somehow raised a fine son who means everything to me and for that alone, I will put up with whatever she dishes out for the 5 hours we will be with her. It is also with the knowledge that I will not have to see her again for another month.

Aging Delicately

Don't you ever feel like sometimes the world is moving without you? As I age, I will find that I feel so totally out of it between the music, the throw-a-way generation, the foul language that if I had said out loud when I was a teen I would have been thrown in a wall and grounded or had my mouth washed out with soap, the out of control youth who have no respect for anyone or anything.

Then I remember. The world is moving ahead and still revolving around the sun. A favorite author of mine (Gabriel Garcia Marquez) wrote the following in "Memories of My Melancholy Whore":

The adolescents of my generation, greedy for life, forgot in body and soul about their hopes for the future until reality taught them that tomorrow was not what they had dreamed, and they discovered nostalgia........I discovered that my obsession for having each thing in the right place, each subject at the right time, each word in the right style, was not the well-deserved reward of an ordered mind but just the opposite: a complete system of pretense invented by me to hide the disorder of my nature.

Toward the end of the book, he quotes from "The Ides of March" (a quote that that author attributed to Julius Caesar):

In the end, it is impossible not to become what others believe you are."

I have never had a problem getting older. I feel young in my heart. To me aging is a state of mind. Is aging gracefully just a matter of self esteem and another type of personal growth on the timeline of a life? Our years, our lines, our scars are part of who we are. I actually wouldn't trade any part of my life and I am looking forward to attending my grandchildren's weddings. I am what I believe I am and that is reflected in those I love.

Now to just get rid of all the crap that is thrown at me.