Working with your spouse

I have been asked to do a lecture on "Working with your Spouse". Interesting subject. I have many ideas but I wonder if they want the good AND bad?

Hubs and I actually work well together 90% of the time. I anticipate his needs and we work seamlessly. But....yeah always a but. There are just some things that annoy me about working with him. I am sure though he doesn't have one bad thing to say about me unless we count the number of times he's fired me. But then doesn't one have to counter those times with the number of times I have walked out or quit or told him to stuff it 'you know where' or 'do it yourself can't you see I am busy'?

Most of the lecture I will give I already have done on another lecture: How to work with difficult people. Who is the most difficult person in any arena? The person who knows you the best - your spouse.

I tell managers that instead of looking for advice to improve the working relationships in the office, look in the mirror. Yep, look in the mirror. The reason why? You can't change the other person no matter what you do. So instead your goal is simple: How do I get what I need without conflict or internalizing it so my blood pressure goes up or don't go postal?

In every aspect of life we encounter others with clashing personality types. Instead of focusing on the other person's 'faults', you instead focus on their behavior and the results of those behaviors. When you do that, you will see ways to improve both the relationship and the result.

I have 3 rules I strictly enforce when we work together:

1. Be nice to each other and treat each other with the same or higher courtesy than you do all the other employees or colleagues. Yes this means you will have to compromise on some issues. Learn to pick your battles. This also means you have to be polite and courteous to each other even if you want to rip their insides out. You have to hold the ripping until you get back home.

2. Be sure to set business and free time boundaries. When you work with your spouse, it is impossible to leave it at the office, especially us since we bring home work. So we set up times it is appropriate to ask me something about the office. When I am heading to bed is not the time. When I am reading a book is not the time. Hubs has more of a problem with setting things aside than I do. I try to anticipate his needs and questions but I also let him know when he is being unreasonable. I started setting up an hour he gets to discuss whatever he needs or wants to get off his chest or things extra he wants me to do. In that hour, I also get time to do the same for him. I try to do it once a week. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

Remember when you had wee ones and you went out for the 1st time without child and tried to set up rules that you are not going to talk about baby at all? Yeah didn't work. Talking about work at home is the same. Keeping the 2 totally separate doesn't always work and definitely doesn't always work in my household. A little tip: I found the more I allowed us to talk at home, the less we actually did. Also diversion is good and it is easy to divert a male's attention.

3. Be an individual. I happen to think this one is the most important. You work, eat, sleep and are together 24/7/365. So you and your husband need to have your own personal interests away from each other. Each of you needs to get a hobby or something you do with your own friends without the other and don't feel guilty if you don't do things together. Daughter and I have girls night out with a dinner and movie with other mothers and daughters. We have a blast. Hubs has golf and dinner outings and once a month his buddies all get together for a man's night out. Hubs also does things with our son (paintball, movies that he knows I would never watch).

So can you work with your spouse?