My husband and I have been feuding about this for a while. I am always ready to leave the house in plenty of time to be at a certain place, leaving 15 minutes to spare for those things that come up (getting caught by a train, traffic, etc). My husband, on the other hand, is a chronically late person. Ironically enough, he was on time for our wedding and I was the one who was late - but in my defense, I was already in the car at my parent's house when his parents and grandmother showed up at our house to take pictures (they had not been invited - just showed up). So I got back out of the car and took pictures with them but I ended up being 15 minutes late then to the church.
Yesterday I told my husband what my plans were and what time I wanted to leave the house. At that exact time I was ready and had already packed the car. He hadn't even gotten into the shower. So I left and met one of my office girls for lunch. She asked how long did I think he would notice I had left. I said probably not for 30 minutes when he was finally ready. Sure enough, 30 minutes later I get a phone call from him trying to find out where I was.
It's a pet peeve of mine. I hate walking into somewhere late. I decided to do some research to get into my husband's head into reasons why he is so chronically late.
I found it is more than poor time management. Late people tend to be one of the following:
1. The rationalizer has a hard time acknowledging responsibility for lateness and tends to blame outside circumstances. Yep, sounds like my husband.
2. The producer wants to squeeze as much into every minute as possible; they are always busy. Also sounds like my husband.
3. The deadliner subconsciously enjoys the last-minute sprint to the finish line; they feel more alive when running out of time. Maybe this is it - he gets off on rushing around.
4. The indulger exercises less self-control; tends to procrastinate. This also describes him.
5. The rebel resists authority and everyday rules; might run late as a form of control. Also sounds like him.
6. The absent-minded professor is easily distracted, forgetful and caught up in their own introspection. This is one excuse he gives - the office can't run without him so they can wait for him.
7. The evader feels anxiety about his or her environment and tries to control it; their own needs or routine come before being on time. Also is my husband.
One website gave some tips on how to handle the chronically late:
1. Don't take it personally. Most aren't trying to be inconsiderate. Wrong - this is saying what I feel isn't important as what he is feeling.
2. Discuss the problem openly and honestly before too much resentment builds. Let him or her know that the lateness bothers you, but keep it constructive. Been there done that got nowhere.
3. Set parameters. Let Ms. or Mr. Late know you'll leave after 15 minutes of waiting, or ask them to call if they're running late. Just started doing this. Didn't faze him at all.
4. Be encouraging and patient. It may take time to see improvement. Offer compliments when you see a change. Don't think I will live long enough for this to happen.
5. If the late person is your doctor, dentist, hairdresser, etc., you may want to call ahead to see if they're running late. What if it is the doctor who is doing it? Plus in my eyes, not an excuse and I won't go to doctors who don't run on time.
6. You can try fudging it from time to time by telling the person to be somewhere at 7:30 if you really mean 8. Again a been there done that didn't work.
7. Keep it in perspective. Don't forget the person's great traits. This is one of the reasons why we are still married. But the lateness is really really starting to bug me.
Anyone have any other tips?
