I have been really busy lately as you have probably noticed since there has only been only a few new posts.
We did reduce one of our employee's hours from full time to part time and she promptly quit. Interestingly enough, she blames the lay off on me, not recognizing the things she was saying did not set well with one of the doctors. But I realized that I would get blamed but sometimes I just wished she would have stepped back and really saw things and realized that as a friend, it was one of the hardest things I had to do. Maybe one day she will but in reality, I am glad she didn't take the part time portion now. At first I was devastated with the coldness but God always gives us the reason why something happens and he did with this friendship and lay off. The mistakes I have found are enormous and I basically have to go back to June 1st of this past year and check each and every entry. The money we had been paying her for cleaning the office was way overpriced since it took 2 of us 5 hours to clean the office the week she left. We went through 2 rolls of paper towels, 10 rags, 5 sets of gloves, and they were all black. The dust bunnies weren't dust bunnies but tumbleweeds. No wonder one of the office girls' allergies went nuts in that office. We are also learning of things she wasn't doing that were not in compliance with office policy so we have learned our decision, although hard, was the best for our office. I don't think the friendship survived but I think again about the definitions of friendship and realize why it would never have survived. Our relationship basically died the day her husband died 4 years ago (it was her husband and my husband and I that were really good friends). God did guide us in this decision.
I have also been dealing with FIL who has been in the hospital more than he hasn't the last month. We learned with this last hospitalization that his heart is only functioning at 25% and there isn't much left to do. But we needed to let our kids know and his wife know. So God led me to plan a get together with the kids yesterday after office hours and we all went out bringing him his favorite dishes: Cappelletti for dinner and German Chocolate Cupcakes for dessert. It wasn't on his diet but one meal that he enjoys when one is on their death bed is no big deal in the scheme of things.
We took pictures then left and took MIL to dinner. After dinner, hubs and I took MIL back to her house and the kids went home. We then sat MIL down and let her know that we had signed a DNR and that he didn't have much time. She actually wasn't that surprised. But it really made it more real for us.
As I sit and type this, I am remembering the book "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch, the Carnegie Mellon professor who was dying of pancreatic cancer and delivered a final lecture about how to achieve childhood dreams and how to say goodbye.
“Saying goodbye. It’s a part of the human experience that we encounter every day, sometimes nonchalantly, sometimes with great emotion. Then, eventually, the time comes for the final goodbye,” wrote Mr. Zaslow (a co-author). “When death is near, how do we phrase our words? How do we show our love?”
I would like to think we did it in a way that was best for him. I know I am comforted that we all had that chance to actually say goodbye and when the time comes today, tomorrow, or the next day, he will go in peace and although we will miss him, he will be a large part of our lives until the end of times. It was really nice to have that day with him, reminiscing with a dementia patient as much as one can, and laughing while saying goodbye.
And how blessed I am that God is with me every step I take.
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