DNR

Last week when I took inlaws to the doctor, we learned that FIL's heart has again weakened. The doctor strongly suggested that we get a full DNR legal order for him instead of the legal one we currently have which limits what is done. They (his doctor and the cardiologist) do not see him lasting even until Christmas without a pacemaker and his heart isn't strong enough for the surgery and at 91, he isn't a candidate for the pacemaker.

BIL had been on vacation so I waited until he called us to let us know he and his wife were back before I gave him the news and what the doctor was asking for. Just not a subject that is easy to discuss and definitely not one to bring up while someone is on vacation.

I deal with this all the time with nursing and especially when I worked hospice nursing. My husband and I have living wills already along with healthcare power of attorneys. A DNR means Do Not Resuscitate, a legal binding document that states resuscitation should not be attempted if a person suffers cardiac or respiratory arrest. It is preferable that the person sign the document themselves but in cases of mental incompetency like my FIL, the healthcare power of attorney can make the decision. Instead of just my husband making the decision, we are involving husband's brother in the decision but not FIL's wife aka my MIL.

There are no right and wrong answers to deciding on a DNR, and until you face a situation like this, it is difficult to anticipate the kinds of choices we’d or want others to make on our behalf. One should always voice their preference before facing this type of thing but realize that what you might think today, might not be what you think tomorrow, or the next day. One's health can change dramatically throughout the course of an illness and our choices might then also change.

But be ready for the discussion. I can't stress how important this is. In the past week, a dear friend along with his family's approval, made the hard decision to enter hospice and sign a DNR (my prayers are with you Charlie!). This week it is my husband and his brother making the decision for their father. One can never know what is going to happen from one day to the next - as in the case of someone I have known from grade school through high school: said friend and his wife were involved in a car accident. Both were critically injured. Both were put on life support. The family made the decision to withdraw life support yesterday. I will be attending their wake this Friday.

It is important and the time to think about and do these things is NOW!