Ankle Update - Full Moon Week

This is a pic of the new cast I got today - tie-dye. All I need is a peace necklace, bell bottoms, greasy hair and a bandana.

I went back to the doctor - got the Christmas cast off and had ankle x-rayed. All is doing fine inside. The nerve on the outside calmed down but the nerve on the whole top of the foot hasn't calmed down as much as the doc had hoped (I have this numb type feeling if I touch it with the pad of my finger but an agonizing 'I want to rip your flippen head off if you scratch it or press on it or do more than a soft type of touch even the least little bit' type of feeling). Not a nice type of feeling but it is nerve pain. So my doctor injected the area on the top of the foot right in the middle and numbed it which took away all that type of pain so since he knew that he had the right spot, he then gave it a cortisone shot. The downside on the shot is I remain non-weight bearing until the next surgery which we did tentatively plan for the beginning of February and I hot flash. The upside is to be determined if it works.

But it has been a true full moon week. Nothing like scheduling a surgery for someone yesterday on the same exact day hubs already has a surgery to do at a different place so I had to shuffle that around. Then I asked for a certain date which I thought was a Friday and I honestly don't know what calendar I looked at that showed that date on a Friday but it twasn't - it was a Tuesday for 2010. So the surgery center can't do the Friday and the real date I wanted so I called the patient and gave him a choice of 2 dates (Tues or Thurs of that same week) and he picked Tues. I called the surgery center back and told them Thurs was fine so when they called the patient we all got confused. I know better than to take a pain pill before doing work like that but I did (take the pain pill and royally screwed up the scheduling). It's all worked out and for Tuesday.

Then we got crammed. I learned that word a few years ago when we got slammed and crammed. Slamming is when your phone service gets changed to some obscure people who charge you a few arms and legs for their service - all done without your permission. All you know is one day you have no phone service and get a bill for over $2000.00 (true story). Cramming is when an internet service steals your internet much in the same way you get slammed with your phone service. I had put a protection on our accounts - an ID code no one but hubs and I know - so that no one can even discuss our bills without giving them said code. But somehow our internet service allowed us to be crammed without anyone using the code and we were cancelled. I spent 4 hours on the phone trying to get it restored for the one office. By this afternoon, that phone line (which also held our fax number) didn't work either. So I was back on the phone. The bad news is that it won't be restored properly until Monday. The good news is that once it is restored, I get 4 months free service and a lower monthly bill for 2 years. The bad news is that until it is restored, my office girls there have to work off a laptop and USB internet service and can't use the printer.

Next I found out on Facebook that my brother's family's dog ran away this morning and they still can't find her. She is over 9 and really good so this is super surprising. Send some good thoughts out for them to find Sophie.

Inlaws are holding - which is good - no new crisis yet but the week isn't over. Hubs is supposed to go out there tomorrow to finish steam cleaning MIL's basement carpeting and to help her with laundry and dishes and take her shopping. I will plead foot pain to not go with him.

But with him gone, I should be able to have quite a few hours of peace and quiet even though the grand doggies will be here from tomorrow through Sunday. I have some books I want to finish in a series so I can tell you all about them - I love this author!

Inlaw Drama

So........FIL went back to his group home Saturday which just happened to be the same exact day as it decided to snow 12 inches in our area. We couldn't get out there so the owner of the group home who had a pickup truck signed him out with our approval and took him back to the home and settled him in. Of course, FIL had no clue who or where he was and 5 minutes after he was back in the home, he had no clue that he had even been in the hospital.

So today we started home care to monitor his blood counts (he has 2 small blood clots in his lungs and a large one in his leg). They are giving him Coumadin to thin his blood after we vetoed a drug that would have cost us wholesale $100.00 per shot plus the cost of a nurse to give it to him. We chose instead to put him on the oral drug which Medicare does cover. His blood count today was double what it should be so we have to hold a dose, decrease the amount he is getting, and redraw in a week.

I got a call this morning from the owner of the home who said FIL had been up all night long crying that he had lost his wallet. With 4 dementia patients other than FIL in that house, I am not surprised. We have found a rosary, a toothbrush, and a purse in FIL's room before and a bracelet in his pocket of his pants. The dementia patient does this - takes and hides his stuff and takes the other people's stuff. FIL would not be consoled though. So one of the caretakers gave FIL a wallet to hold which satisfied him for a bit (until he forgot he couldn't find it). The owner wanted me to know what was going on and to bring him a wallet when MIL went there today. So I called MIL to bring a wallet and told her that FIL had said the pictures in the wallet were 'wrong' and he needed the right wallet. MIL told me there was only the picture of someone that came with the wallet. FIL thought it was his family and wanted that picture back. Kinda reminded me of that one episode of Friends.

So BIL decided to spend the day with MIL cleaning out her room. Mind you there was no place to walk into her room anymore and the half of the bed where FIL slept was filled with 'stuff'. After 10 hours, BIL did 14 loads of wash with another 20+ to go. They were all filthy and smelled like urine - human urine. There were over 25 packages of Fruit of the Loom underwear and undershirts that had never been opened with price tags that stated the 3 undershirts were $3.00. Me thinks that was bought a while ago - a long while ago. He also found 20 bottles of vitamins that she probably got on sale - too bad they all expired 10+ years ago. He made a dent into the room but only half of it. I don't think he appreciated my comment of asking when he was going back to finish. I kinda thought it was appropiate and explained that I didn't want her to have time to 'restock' the room.

In the meantime, MIL doesn't think her pills for controlling her urine are doing anything as she is still going to the bathroom. I told her going to the bathroom even 10 times a day is normal for someone on a water pill. She thinks that is too many times and wants me to call the doctor to get another pill to work better. I said a better idea would be to consult a urologist to see if there was a problem with her bladder control. She didn't like my idea so she said she wasn't going to drink any more than what she had to swallow her pills then. Well I know that she has to take at least a glassfull of water every time she swallows even one pill so knowing she takes over 20 pills, I said that was ok, knowing she would still be drinking at least 20 glasses of water per day.

After MIL insisting she didn't have FIL's wallet or watch, hubs remembered that she was given those items at the ER when FIL was admitted and she put them in her purse. BIL checked and sure enough, there they were.

So I called MIL tonight after talking to BIL to see how things were going. She was upset. I asked why. She stated that she had a 'system' and now she won't be able to find anything. I reminded her about the wallet and that her system obviously didn't work. She didn't appreciate my comment.

**sigh**

Someone either needs committed and/or I need Prozac!

Spiritual Sunday - Giving thanks....

that the holidays are finally and completely over.

And that's all I got right now.

Merry Christmas

Well, 2 Christmas's down and one to go although it is the largest - my side of the family. Yesterday I made lunch at MIL's (cappelletti followed by ham, au gratins, corn pudding, and green beans with almonds). We then all went to the hospital to visit FIL and brought him some cappelletti. We then opened gifts then had lasagna for dinner. We all left then and BIL took MIL to church while our family came home and went to the 7:30 service at our church. I pretty much went straight to bed after church and slept straight through mid morning. Hubs and I watched the Disney Christmas Parade in bed then got up and got things ready for our Christmas this evening with the kids. I made a standing rib roast, mashed taters and gravy, broccoli with cheese sauce, and of course, Christmas cookies.

As I look back over the past week of preparations, I told my husband to commit me if I ever again schedule a surgery before the holidays. It was way too stressful added to an already stressful time, even working part time.

I leave you with a beautiful message from one of my favorite websites: http://greatday.com/

Life is best when it is shared. At no time is that more evident than on Christmas day.
All the various customs and traditions of the season serve to bring people together in a spirit of joy and celebration. It's a powerful reminder of how good it can feel to connect with others in a genuine, personal and heartfelt way.

Though we have many differences, we also have much in common. Though there is great value in our diversity, that value exists because we are able to connect with each other in ways that are positive and fulfilling.

Even the most accomplished, self-sufficient, independent people have an inherent desire to share life's experience with others. Though there is much we can accomplish as individuals, there is far, far more that we can experience by connecting and cooperating with each other.

This is a special, beautiful day. It is made even more beautiful by the opportunity to share with others.

On this day, and every day, live the joy and share the joy. Celebrate the connections that give life so much meaning and richness.

-- Ralph Marston

Christmas Countdown - Meltdown

There is less than 24 hours left before I have the 1st of 3 Christmas's and I need at least another month to get ready.

The weather in Chicago is not delightful although we have about 8 inches of snow on the ground so it's definitely a white Christmas! We are currently getting ice - supposedly through tomorrow but on that border line so truthfully I am hoping for the colder and snow. Snow I can deal with. Ice I can't.

Mr. Trouble has been a royal PITA. He was neutered and front declawed last Thursday and did fine until Monday when he got pissed at us and escaped the bathroom we had him confined to, dislodging the glue on one of his 'fingers' of his right paw. So son took him back to the vet where they re-sealed that area and put him on antibiotics. He did fine until this morning and the area re-opened again a bit. He isn't bleeding much but the vet wants to see him. I can't take him in so they told me to just watch him. Last weekend we actually stopped giving him the pain medication they had given us because this cat thought he was invincible when he took it. When we withheld it, he laid down like a nice kitty and slept. His name isn't Trouble for nothing!

I have 6 batches of cookies to go. My foot and ankle is killing me after yesterday's long day of cooking. I have no energy to get back up to do anything.

Did I mention that 4 hours yesterday I fought with my FIL's doctor and the hospital he has been in since scaring the beegeebees out of us last Friday and their social worker aka case manager (their new name but same job)? FIL has 2 small blood clots in his lungs and a large one in his left leg. He was placed on this new medication to thin his blood. We had to give an order for restraints because I can't be out there day and night with him like the last time he was hospitalized and he doesn't remember minute to minute where he is. Well, this new medication is an injection into his stomach - twice a day. It is covered in the hospital setting but not at all under his prescription program at home. The cost for said medicine from the pharmacy? $10,000 for the month. Hubs and I can get it wholesale for $100 per shot plus tax and shipping or $6000.00 per month. BUT there is an oral pill he can take that IS covered under his drug program and 95% of the country is on. Is the new drug better? In some ways, yes as it has a more consistent effect and less need for constant monitoring. But does the old drug work? Sure does but needs weekly blood draws which again would be covered by Medicare home care. Social worker - sorry case manager - wants him to be discharged to a skilled nursing home for the injections until his blood is thin enough. We said absolutely not. The cost of the drug alone is not necessary and sending a Stage IV dementia patient to a skilled nursing home is like giving sugar to an ADHD child - way too much over stimuli! We shall see what happens today.

So I thought I would sit for a bit and wrap presents to regain some energy. But the wrapping paper is not within my reach or the where the scooter can go.

I called my pharmacy to have my medications delivered instead of being picked up today and they don't have a driver.

Can something - just one wee thing go RIGHT for a change? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

Spiritual Sunday - Panic Sunday

I actually had written this but today realized I had saved it in drafts and never published it.

Today is the 4th Sunday of Advent. Did you know many people name the Advent candles for the different Sundays in Advent? I was familiar with this tradition and even recognize that this Advent Sunday is sometimes called "Panic Sunday."

I am sure you can understand why since this is the absolute last weekend we have to do things to get ready for Christmas - the hustle and bustle of getting everything done and 'perfect'.

"Christmas comes, whether you are ready or not."

Am I ready? Nope. And you know what? I no longer care.

I have a FIL in the hospital with a blood clot in his lungs and his leg. Surgery is not an option. His blood is not thinning properly after 4 days. He is 91 and even with the dementia, he is with us. I pray he makes it through the holidays.

I am also thinking of friends whose husband and father recently passed away.

I am also thinking about a patient my husband went to see on a house call because they removed all life support and it's just a matter of time.

These things are what is important. Enjoying each other and thanking God we have this moment in time to say Thank You. That is what perfection is all about.

It's all I really need.

TGIF - Christmas Countdown - 6 days

I haven't had much time to post this week - pain is less in the ankle so have been trying to finish Christmas presents, plus making sure I got the presents I was supposed to, plus compiling articles for a newsletter that needs to go in the mail next week but the American Medical Association where I ordered my new coding books has not followed through yet with actually shipping one of the books I need to determine the coding changes for the coming year which is the last article I need to include in the newsletter.

Then as all good weeks go - it ended today with a bang.

Have you ever taken a phone call where the caller gives you question after question after question yet never ever gives you time for a response? Yep bright eyed run off of the mouth called me at 7 in the morning. 22 questions without a breath in 5 minutes until I screamed into the cell and said "SHUT UP"! She actually did and then I fired all her answers off to her to which she replied: "Just who are you?" This is a prime example of why I love my answer to these cocky type people: "I am an RN and the doctor's wife. Is that good enough for you? Your name was Michelle. Please be advised that you will be reported for your behavior."

I was wide awake by now so I decided to just go ahead and take my shower and get ready for the day. I had just finished my shower and was getting dressed when I got a phone call from my FIL's dementia home stating that FIL was having severe chest pain and they couldn't get his blood pressure and wanted to know what they should do. I was like - "DUH - hang up and call 911. I will have one of the sons meet you at the ER."

So I got ahold of BIL to go take care of things until my husband could get out there after the surgeries he had to do. I then called a couple of neighbors to go over to MIL's house and be with her when I told her what was going on, and to get together a bag with her medications and things she might need at the hospital. I then called MIL who went as bonkers as I expected but again, thankfully the neighbors were level headed and helped her get ready and took her over there. FIL ended up being admitted for a pulmonary embolism (blood clot to the lung) and will be a guest at the hospital for a few days.

In the meantime, I got son to take me to the hairdressers and then to pick up Mr Trouble who had been neutered and declawed yesterday. Mr Trouble won over the hearts of all the people at the vet office and could not understand how this perfect adorable kitten got the name Trouble. Yeah he fooled them!

But it was bring Trouble home and get him settled then off to my doctor's appointment. I am sporting a nice pretty Christmas cast.

The ending? MIL just got off the phone with me highly agitated that the ER stole FIL's coat. I explained that they don't put coats on patients who are taken by ambulance - they use blankets. Got her calmed down.

I think I need to learn to drink or I need some better meds!

Recipe Tuesday - Pecan Pie Bars

My family lurves a good pecan pie. Me - not so much - give me a coconut banana cream pie anyday. For Thanksgiving I make the actual pie but for Christmas I make Pecan Pie Bars along with a zillion other cookies which I cut down on this year - only making a few. This is one of the best bar cookies that tastes just like a pecan pie according to my kids and husband. I refuse to eat it so can't vouch for it.

Pecan Pie Bars
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons packed brown sugar
1/2 cup butter - do not substitute with margarine
2 eggs
1/2 cup dark corn syrup
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 chopped pecans
2 tablespoons butter melted
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 teaspoon salt

Mix the flour and the 2 tablespoons of brown sugar; cut in the butter. Pat into an ungreased 11 x 7 1/2 x 1 1/2 inch baking pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. Beat eggs slightly; stir in remaining ingredients. Pour over baked layer. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes. Cool until pecan layer is slightly firm before cutting into bars. Makes 32. (Hint: I use a plastic knife to cut the bars).

Oh and course since it is a seasonal bar, it doesn't have one calorie in it at all - for me :)

Christmas Countdown Begins

And I have little done. I never counted on this last surgery to put me on my rear so much. Every other surgery I have bounced back pretty fast and even the pain was bearable with anti-inflammatories and an occasional Darvocet but this defies any medication except painful shots in the knee which makes the leg numb for at least 20 some hours. It's the only time I am able to think, sleep, and eat. Otherwise I just want to take my fingers and grind them across the blackboard and make everyone as miserable as I am. Nice, heh?

But really, without the help of my daughter, some friends, and internet shopping, Christmas would suck big time here. I have the annual Christmas letter done - just have to print it and mail it. I can use last year's envelopes because I never got those sent out. All I have to do is add the additional postage.

I ordered the 2 - 18 pound turkeys today along with 2 - 9 pound Honey Baked Hams and 1 Honey Baked Turkey Breast for my side's Christmas. I also started deciding on what cookies I am going to attempt to make this year. I am not making the biscotti's this year nor the snickerdoodles nor the spritz nor the decorated sugar cookies. But still on the list are the pistachio bread, chinese chews, coconut macroons, pecan pie bars, and the peanut butter kisses. In reality only the macroons and kiss cookies are harder to make as the others are bar type cookies. But then again there is another 1000 cappelletti's to make by Christmas eve too.

BIL and I decided the menu for Christmas eve - cappelletti followed by tilipia followed by lasagna. BIL is making the tilipia and I already have a frozen lasagna in the deep freeze. Kids and hubs decided on standing rib roast for our Christmas dinner with au gratins, corn pudding, and green beans.

But honestly, I have a newsletter to get out by the end of this week along with trying to make sense of the lists of things the kids want. I am really tempted to just pass along cold hard cash maybe in that maze thingie so they have something to do. Hard to get excited when I am in this much pain.

Wonder if I can get by and say we are doing an old fashioned Christmas and have to send each other a note on why we are thankful for them and have that fly?

Even Trouble didn't like that one. But he has been extra clingy lately. This morning I woke to a face full of fur - he had draped himself around my face. Don't know if he is 'feeling' my pain or just reacting to his upcoming surgery this Friday when he gets neutered and declawed. He is a pistol though. Might have to find another cat to keep him entertained. He lurves the tree and climbing up into it and chewing on the lights and batting the ornaments off. He is easily amused.

So what recipe do you want for tomorrow?

Spiritual Sunday - Getting Ready for Christmas

Today is the third Sunday in Advent. I love cable TV especially when I am more housebound than up and around. I can get 3-5 different Sunday services via TV. I always used to wonder if it was the same or not, then I realized that even the word church is all meaning. Anyplace you practice your faith is fine. God isn't fussy.

As I sit here trying to get ready for Christmas without feeling like I am shorting anyone and yet trying to make sure everything gets done, today's thoughts ran to what does God want really want us to do to get ready for Christmas?

The season of Advent is all about the waiting and preparing for the coming of Jesus Christ. In addition though we are reminded that Advent is more than that. It is in God's Word as we meet him on the road of life day to day. He is in the middle of us wherever there are 2 or 3 who gather in His name.

But wait - I said I watched today's service alone on cable. I was not gathered with anyone. Does that mean I did not really participate? No, it doesn't. God is everywhere. He lives in my house, and most importantly, in my heart.

But you know, there’s waiting and then there is waiting. How are you waiting? Are you hanging around and wasting time? That is one way of waiting and one way at this time of year which seems nice and peaceful. Or are we waiting by looking forward, anticipating, yearning for the coming of God’s justice and God’s peace - are we ready for Christ as he comes? That's much harder to remember in the hustle and bustle of preparing for Christmas.

So how do we include both the hustle and bustle of the preparation with God's coming? We learn to live well while we wait, and live with joy while we wait and always include God in any plan.

Can you tell today's sermon affected me?

A Friend's Greeting
I'd like to be the sort of friend that you have been to me;
I'd like to be the help that you've been always glad to be;
I'd like to mean as much to you each minute of the day
As you have meant, old friend of mine, to me along the way.

I'd like to do the big things and the splendid things for you,
To brush the gray from out your skies and leave them only blue;
I'd like to say the kindly things that I so oft have heard,
And feel that I could rouse your soul the way that mine you've stirred.
I'd like to give you back the joy that you have given me,
Yet that were wishing you a need I hope will never be;
I'd like to make you feel as rich as I, who travel on
Undaunted in the darkest hours with you to lean upon.

I'm wishing at this Christmas time that I could but repay
A portion of the gladness that you've strewn along my way;
And could I have one wish this year, this only would it be;
I'd like to be the sort of friend that you have been to me.

By Edgar A. Guest (1881-1959)

Are You a List Person?

Well, I am. I make lists of things to do then break down said list to littler lists. I had to graduate from post-it notes because I was washing them too often. By using the yellow tablet, I figure I am not only spending less money but I can keep list after list after list all in the same tablet. Plus it's too big to put in my pocket thus too big to not see go in the wash.

Take for instance Christmas. This year I have been a bit 'grounded' you might say - more on my rear in bed than anywhere else. But the reality is, Christmas won't be pulled together if someone didn't make sure everything and everyone was done. Here's where I come in.

I have a master list of all the stuff that needs to be done.

I have littler lists of that bigger list. For example, I have a list of what I am making for dinner for my mom's house, for my inlaws house, and for our house. Of those lists I have what I am serving for each dinner. I also have a master grocery list of all the supplies I need. I also have a combined list of when I need to do what - more of the plan for each day.

Then there is the master Christmas list. One year I almost forgot the mailpersons gift certificates and the envelopes for the employee's bonuses. Also on this list is whose name we have per family, and includes presents for those random people - my daughter's inlaws who always get us something, etc.

Then there is the baking list which comprises what cookies I am making this year and then taking where.

My kids used to love to find my lists - but I learned to encrypt them. But this year I have a huge problem - the pain meds are messing with my brain and I can't remember the code or where I hid some lists.

Hopefully everything will get done and I will remember where I put this one list. I just need to find a light blue shirt to wear to my mom's - we are doing family pics and our family chose light blue to be dressed in.

Things That Make Me Happy

I am really a simple person. Right now my goal of something to make me happy is to stay out of pain. Not easy with CRPS. Cortisone shot the other day worked but who knows for how long but at least that pain is gone. Got another cortisone today all across the whole top of the middle of the foot - at least 50 some shots. Didn't feel good but now is all nice and numb. We shall see when it wears off.

Otherwise, believe it or not, I am learning to delegate my Christmas shopping and even doing some shopping online. Maybe I will come into the 20th century or wait, it's the 21st century. Okay have patience with me - I am getting there.

But one of the bestest things today that made me happy - ordering the above to put gift cards in to make my kids opening their gifts work to get their present! They can be ordered at http://www.catalogfavorites.com/

But the absolute bestest thing that happened today - it is FINALLY getting to be my kind of temperature - today was 4 as a high with -18 degrees wind chill. Didn't even have to wear my fleece - still short sleeve weather!

Recipe Tuesday - Chicken or Turkey Tetrazzini

Ingredients
8 ounces uncooked egg noodles
1/2 pound fresh mushrooms, sliced
1 small onion, chopped
1/4 cup butter, cubed
2 cups chicken broth
3 tablespoons cornstarch
1/2 teaspoon salt
Dash pepper
1 cup half-and-half cream
1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
2 cups cubed cooked chicken or turkey
1/4 cup grated Parmesan Reggiano cheese

Cook noodles according to package directions; drain. (If making them by scratch use 4 eggs to 5 cups of flour, knead, then run through a pasta machine and hang to dry. Cooking time depends on their dryness but I usually make either ala dente).

In a large saucepan, saute mushrooms and onion in butter until tender. Stir in broth.

Combine the cornstarch, salt, pepper and cream until smooth. Stir into the mushroom mixture. Bring to a boil; cook and stir for 2 minutes or until thickened. Reduce heat; stir in mozzarella cheese until melted. Stir in chicken and noodles.

Transfer to a greased 2-qt. baking dish. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Bake, uncovered, at 350° for 25-30 minutes or until lightly browned. Yield: 4-6 servings.

Note: sometimes I will add leftover peas to this

Spiritual Sunday - Staying Positive

Staying Positive - easier said or typed than done. But did you know that people who were pessimistic had a nearly 20 percent higher risk of dying over a 30-year period than those who were optimistic?

The problem is that staying positive is not easy and there are no simple tricks. Reading a books about tips on staying positive won't suddenly change your outlook on life, but it can make you start thinking differently. The main trick to staying positive is wanting to be happy. If you want to be happy and positive, then you can!

You can also avoid negative thinking. Avoid dwelling on downers. Focusing on negatives isn't only unpleasant, it also can make you less effective in tackling any tasks you face. Don't diss yourself. You may have had negative messages in your head for a long time. But research shows that you can learn to shift your thoughts and that, over time, you can literally change your brain.

Another way I avoid negative thinking is to imagine what I'd tell a friend if he/she was worrying about something. I would likely convince him/her to wait a bit before assuming the worst. So if I can do that for my friend, why can't I do it for myself?

Honestly though, the best way I stay positive is I put myself in God's hands. I let Him take care of whatever problem or worry I have. He always comes through even if I don't always like His answer.

Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
- Willie Nelson

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
- Winston Churchill

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

Update on Ankle Surgery #4 - CRPS?

I am now 15 days postop. I did go to work this past Thursday but only made it through with a pain pill and my husband giving me a block in the knee so the nerve pain would go away. I went to see the surgeon yesterday and all is looking well. He removed about 50 staples in the incision lines but left about 30 since there were areas the skin had not totally healed together yet. As you can tell in the picture above, there was a small inch incision on the inside of the foot, a 2 inch incision on the extreme outside of the foot, and a 6 inch incision just to the outside of the mid part of the foot (the 2 small ones were in the same spot as 2 of my prior surgeries).

Each surgery has been a bit different in my response to it. This one was no different. The first week I had mainly bone pain mixed with the nerve pain from the decompression of 2 of the main nerves to the feet. They both had been caught in scar tissue and the surgeon released them. Normally after a decompression, the nerve pain gets better after. Mine didn't. It got a whole lot worse, actually to the point that I wanted a knife to just cut off the leg. I couldn't sleep without being fully medicated and I hated using the pain pills. (Also the reason I haven't posted much).

But the nerve pain has been bad - really bad. Ever get the pins and needles after your foot or leg go to sleep and they start waking up? Now imagine that feeling all the time only 100 times worse with increasing intensity at times but it never ever goes away. My foot was getting to the point that I didn't want to move it as the pain would worsen. It didn't like anything touching it and it was swelling in weird spots and ways. My husband gave me a nerve block in the side of the knee which knocked out all the pain. I could think again. It was amazing. One doesn't realize how much pain they are really in until the pain disappears.

But it came back within 24 hours. So I had to get another shot. The reason? I have a complication of the repeated surgeries and trauma to the foot and ankle - it is called CRPS or Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and it is pretty serious. Thankfully my husband diagnosed it early as there is a better chance then to get it settled back down.

CRPS is a chronic progressive disease characterized by severe pain, swelling and changes in the skin. There are 2 types: Type I, formerly known as reflex sympathetic dystrophy (RSD), Sudeck's atrophy, reflex neurovascular dystrophy (RND) or algoneurodystrophy, does not have nerve lesions. Type II, formerly known as causalgia, has evidence of obvious nerve damage. I am considered Type II by virtue of the injury and amount of surgery I have had to be put back together.

There are also 3 types of symptoms: Type one is characterized by severe, burning pain at the site of the injury. Muscle spasm, joint stiffness, restricted mobility, rapid hair and nail growth, and vasospasm (a constriction of the blood vessels) that affects color and temperature of the skin can also occur. Type two is characterized by more intense pain. Swelling spreads, hair growth diminishes, nails become cracked, brittle, grooved, and spotty, osteoporosis becomes severe and diffuse, joints thicken, and muscles atrophy. Type three is characterized by irreversible changes in the skin and bones, while the pain becomes unyielding and may involve the entire limb. There is marked muscle atrophy, severely limited mobility of the affected area, and flexor tendon contractions (contractions of the muscles and tendons that flex the joints). Occasionally the limb is displaced from its normal position, and marked bone softening and thinning is more dispersed. Right now I am Type one. The pain and all symptoms involve just the foot and ankle.

So instead of being casted, I have a light compressive bandage on to control the swelling and to protect the incision lines and remaining staples. Every hour I have to move my ankle and wiggle my toes to break the cycle.

CRPS is actually an interesting disease complex. One's perception of pain is actually a response to a painful stimulus. The cycle is pictured perfectly below:

In a normal pain cycle, the cycle breaks when a medication is taken or you rest the part that hurts - that is what I always did before. Just enough good times to really let the body heal itself and feel right again.

But in CRPS, one does not break the pain cycle with a simple pill or rest. It involves different treatment patterns. Right now we are using the nerve blocks to the whole leg on a daily basis along with passive range of motion and different sensation things like touching my foot with a soft rag, touching the foot with a scratchy rag, hot rags, cold rags, etc.

Recipe Wednesday - Sliced Baked Potatoes

Yeah yeah I know it's supposed to be Recipe Tuesday but I couldn't come downstairs yesterday - had a bad day. Actually today isn't much better pain wise but a girl has to get her clothes washed. And no, I trust NO ONE washing my clothes - NO ONE! Hence why I am up and around my recipes so I can give you one. Without further ado:

Sliced Baked Potatoes

4 medium potatoes
2-3 tablespoons melted butter
2-3 tablespoons chopped fresh herbs such as parsley, chives, or thyme or 2-3 teaspoons of dried herbs of your choice
1 cup grated cheddar cheese
¼ cup grated Parmesan cheese

Wash the potatoes in water and pat dry. Cut each into thin slices but not all the way through (you can put the potato between the handles of 2 wooden spoons which will prevent your knife from cutting all the way through). Place the potatoes in a microwave pan or dish. Sprinkle with the melted butter and the herbs. Microwave at high power for 10 minutes, rearranging the potatoes after 5 minutes. Let them rest for 5 minutes.

Take the grated cheddar cheese and put a pinch between each slice. Sprinkle with the Parmesan cheese. Microwave for another 4 minutes until cheeses are melted and the potatoes are soft. Sprinkle with salt.

Put the dish under the broiler for 2 minutes or until the cheese slightly browns.

Facebook and Friends

Sorry for the lapse recently in posting - been a bit fuzzy with pain pills and then coordinating my thoughts which were as loosey goosey as my ankle supposedly was. Hopefully there will be an end to this bone pain topped with the nerve pain.

I digress.....I have a Facebook account and yes, I am over 20-something. I think I had heard some statistic that the average age on Facebook was well over 40 now. Personally I like it a whole lot better than classmates.com or Myspace or any other place I know of. I can allow who I want to see what I want to them to see when I want them to see by dividing my 'friends' into my peeps, relatives, classmates, etc. I then can assign them which group they are in and then what they can see - so say for instance I have a friend I trust that knows me. I will put her in not only the peeps area but also allow her to see my crazy relative area and possibly my classmate area. My relative people though with the exception of 3 people are only allowed to see what my other relatives say to me, not what any of my friends say. Hopefully I am explaining this right.

I have denied friend access if I never knew them in high school or college or if I haven't talked to them in over 25 years and don't care if I ever talk to them again.

I recently had a 'friend' ask me to be her friend. Interestingly enough, this said friend and I attended college together and lived together all 4 of those years. We were in each other's weddings and had our 1st child within 6 months of each other. At that time we were close. But something happened. I did a bad thing. I refused to allow my 2 and half year old child to attend her daughter's birthday party because she was running a temp and had been up all night puking. Yeah I was a bad mother. You would think this person would be happy I didn't allow my daughter to infect her child or any other people at the party. But no, I was screamed at, called every name under the sun plus a few more I didn't even know. Why? Because every other child was sick too and had cancelled. So this 'friend' expected me to be there irregardless. I said no. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and after being up all night, didn't feel so well myself. She has not talked to me since.

That is, until I received an invite to become her friend on Facebook. I politely ignored the invite for 2 weeks. Then I denied it. I got another invite from her today, this time with a note saying to stop being a bitch. Now I could get into an email battle with her for daring to call me a bitch. But to me, it's just not worth it. My husband ran into hers around the time I was going through cancer and treatments. Did she call then? Nope. Over the years has she ever called? Nope. Does she deserve my time? Nope.

Sorry, Charlie.........denied again.

Has this ever happened to you?

Spiritual Sunday - Reflection

Yesterday we celebrated Thanksgiving with husband's family mainly to give me more time to gather strength after the surgery and also for the sake of our daughter and son-in-law who had celebrated Thursday with his family.

We chose to have the dinner at MIL's house, wanting to see how much FIL actually remembered about the house he built and lived in since 1962 thus seeing how far his dementia had progressed. None of us have visited him for over a month now since MIL developed shingles and then broke her humerus. Interesting enough, having the caretakers tell him that MIL had been there the day before satisfied him.

So BIL went to MIL's house last weekend and cleaned and moved furniture around. Hubs went Friday to steam clean the carpets and finish helping MIL set everything up. Between BIL and me (with the help of hubs and kids) we did all the cooking and brought everything in, making enough for leftovers for MIL (we made her individual meals using the food saver so all she had to do to reheat a meal was to poke a hole in the package then zap it in the microwave. We wrapped each package to include a meat, potato, and a vegetable.)

As I reflect on yesterday's events, I can't help but remember prior Thanksgiving dinners. As a young child, you just attend and play. As we age, we are given more responsibility that might include washing the dishes, etc. Then we begin bringing dishes and in the blink of an eye, you are the one responsible for making sure the entire dinner goes off - the ring leader so to speak.

Yesterday reminded me of a 3 ring circus. I sat at the dining room table right off the kitchen and kept an eye on the living room with MIL, making sure she was comfortable, etc, and directed the different areas. I thought BIL cooked. He does but with his wife's precisely written instructions and detail including everything put into baggies and labeled A, B, C, D, etc. On each label is also what to do with the ingredients within that baggie. She had everything so spelled out for him, it was idiot proofed. That's how he cooks. Not so good in directing this person in how I cook - by how it looks. But he was all I had so I directed and he followed his directions and then mine to time everything to come out together.

Hubs and son went and picked up FIL, telling him they were taking him to dinner. When they pulled up to the house, he asked whose house it was. Hubs distracted him by saying it was where they were having dinner, hoping something might trigger his memory once inside. Didn't happen. FIL did recognize MIL but it wasn't a really good day for FIL. His memory retention was shorter than normal and he was stuck in the 1940's. MIL was trying to hold it together and not cry that her husband of over 60 years didn't even recognize his own home. She also would try not to flinch when he would try to hug her and hit her broken arm because that meant repeating the entire story about what was wrong. So a diversion was needed in that room to keep MIL from breaking down and FIL from wigging us all out with his unrelenting repeat of the same questions. But the day went well and we delivered FIL back to his group home without incident.

So for one day in the life of a family trying to go on and maintain family tradition post surgery, post fractured humerus, and with a dementia patient, I think it went well.

It's funny how the dementia mind works. I think I said his memory yesterday was only of his wife and not the house or any one of us. After dinner, FIL got up to go to the bathroom. The home has 2 bathrooms - one close to the table and the other at the back of the house behind the garage - one he added on with a shower and it is the one hubs' family always considered to be the 'pooping' bathroom because it had a fan in it. So hubs starts to take FIL to the bathroom nearest to the table and FIL stops him and whispers to hubs: "I have to go to the pooping bathroom."

I think we all lost it then. Somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind, it was only his wife and the pooping bathroom he remembered the entire day.

Another Thanksgiving reflection and memory added. Wonder when I get that age, what I will remember...............

Happy Thanksgiving

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice.
~Meister Eckhart

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.
~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow.
~Edward Sandford Martin

To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven.
~Johannes A. Gaertner

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!
~Author Unknown

We are having a low key Thanksgiving today - just cappelletti. Saturday we celebrate with inlaws with more cappelletti and a full turkey dinner we will take to MIL's house. Have a great Thanksgiving no matter when yours is!

My Ring is Stuck aka Elderly Panic Attack

I had surgery this past Friday. Last night I was exactly 3 days postop and still am not allowed out of bed except to go to use the bathroom. Otherwise, my life consists of the 4 walls of my bedroom, the 4 walls of my bathroom, my TV, my TiVo, my bed table, and a few things I have been working on for the office - only certain things my husband doesn't think are too taxing for me. He forgot one thing. His mother.

Last night I had not one, not 2, but 17 phone calls from MIL. She is the one who has a compression fractured humerus from last week's episode of raking leaves off the bushes. It's been bad enough that she told her other son I wouldn't buy her a large ice pack (she's the one who told me she had 10 of them at her home) and I wouldn't do her dishes for her, or do this or that or whatever. It's not nice to mess with a crabby woman in pain and who isn't allowed to do anything. BIL got the end of my tongue and quietly went away and hasn't said boo to me since.

Not so lucky with MIL. Hubs and I had her checked out in the ER to make sure she didn't suffer a concussion or have another stroke. But if I have to keep putting up with her antics, there is something wrong with either her or me and one of us is going down.

I am bedridden for a bit. MIL knows this. So MIL starts calling me last night wanting me to come right over. I say I can't and ask why.

MIL: "I can't get my ring off my finger."
Me: "You remember I had surgery and am not allowed to leave my bedroom, right? So how can I come over?"
Me: "So what finger? Do you usually take the ring off at night?"
MIL, losing patience with me: "I.cannot.get.my.ring.off.of.my.finger."
Me: "I understand you can't get your ring off your finger. You don't have to speak slow for me to understand that. Now what finger is your ring on?"
MIL: "It's on the finger on my hand."
Me: "Good. Now which hand?"
MIL: "The arm you say I broke. The doctor was probably a quack and you are paying him off just to keep me away from my husband. What's wrong with dad? What haven't you told me?"
Me: "Now, first of all, the emergency room doctor AND an orthopedic doctor and an x-ray all confirmed that your arm was broken. Neither doctor is a fake. I am not paying anyone to keep you away from your husband. Let's get back to the ring. Now you said the ring is on the same arm that you broke? Have you tried to take it off before now?"
MIL: "You just don't understand."
Me: "Well, I guess not. But your son is due home soon and I will have the distinct pleasure of having him call you."
Click.

We went over this ever few minutes. It would vary in that she would add the shingles into the conversation and wondered if the shingles were causing her not to be able to take off the ring. (Yeah she is now admitting she has shingles).

I finally concluded that she was having an anxiety attack and irregardless of anything I said to her, nothing was going to help. She then said she was going to the basement and cut off the ring.

I stopped that by saying if she did then I was calling 911 on her and have her committed to a psych ward.

Hubs came home and took over. He called. She got the ring off by icing it (like I told her to) and using Windex to coat the finger (yeah Windex works way better than soap or oil).

Crisis adverted. Thus begins another day.

'Honey Do' Men - Are They Real?

A friend of mine posted a few days ago about the 'Honey Do List' and how nothing ever goes away from it. She decided to just do some of the things herself. That's what usually happens here too.

Her post got me to thinking - no seriously - a business where men, okay good looking men, would listen to us and would fix anything we want done. Nice fantasy - about as real as my own husband doing anything on his 'Honey Do List'.

The men wouldn't even have to be nice looking as long as there was no plumber's crack, and they cleaned up after themselves and put things back to where I wanted them. No - it would be nice for them to be hunks but that's asking a whole lot. I just want some things done.

So I am assuming everyone here knows what a 'Honey Do List' is, right? Well, for those who don't - it's a list of chores assigned by one's spouse, sweetheart, mate, etc. Both men and women actually use this term but both use it way differently although the results still seem to be the same. Either way, we know the person wants or needs something. So soon as we start hearing tho 1st three letters (hon), we know to start looking for a way out. You can see it in the eyes of the guy. Laugh and watch.

So where did this 'Honey Do List' come from? How does it start? We know it is a list of chores or projects that we want our spouse, mate, or lover to take care of. It’s not that we can’t take care of ourselves. It’s just that we think they should do it. The mentality is “I do enough. So this is your share”.

Don't you ever wonder why the list continues to get longer rather than getting accomplished? People say that the reason for this is because it’s a chore list and has no value to the person who has to accomplish the chore.

This is why we need 'Honey Do Men'!

So I am taking applications. Please apply here. I will test you first on my chores and see how you do and yes, check for the butt crack. If you pass my examinations, I will pass your name on to the whole wide web! Just think, a man pleasing all those women!

Spiritual Sunday - Gratitudes or Giving Thanks

Recently on Facebook, I had a friend post a challenge for everyone. I already do this but I think most of us need to be reminded to do it every day of their lives. Her challenge was to think of just one thing every day this month that you are thankful for and post it in your status.

Easy you say? Well, you are wrong. The longer you do it, the harder it gets. Oprah, a few years ago, had a show on gratitude and challenged everyone to do much of the same thing. I started doing it years ago - back when I was in college and wondering if I was ever going to reconcile with my family again or forgive my father for being an alcoholic and my mother for being passive aggressive and my family for not believing their own sister.

After a while, I learned that giving thanks or saying gratitudes changes you. It makes you see the little things and believe me, there are days you have to really search for a gratitude. It forces you to look for everything good in your life and yes, even when things are at the worst, there are good things there - things to be thankful for. It's those bad things that you handle that make you what you are and teach you how to go on each day, sometimes each hour, and sometimes each moment, looking for something good. So even those bad things turn into good things.

Now I take the rosary and at night, I alternate saying the Hail Mary with saying a gratitude. Those of you who are familiar with the rosary know there are 5 sets of 10 or 50 Hail Mary's, so I instead say 25 Hail Mary's and 25 gratitudes. Every single time I do this, my outlook and attitude change for the better. I am more appreciative of what I have.

Yes, even now as I am parked on my rear, I am grateful that I am alive and have a wonderful husband who anticipates my needs and helps me while I am laid up. I am grateful the Lord decided to keep me around a wee bit longer. I am grateful I have you my readers, to read the writings of a sometimes rambling woman. I am grateful I have chosen good employees who have become family and who will carry on with the offices and do a great job.

Stop and think of what makes you grateful. Look at the little things. Start small and think of one thing per day that you are grateful for. Try not to repeat. The more you look, the more your own attitude changes to that of a positive one.

Saying thank you is more than good manners. It is good spirituality.
~Alfred Painter

Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more.
~Brother David Steindl-Rast

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.
~Melodie Beattie

Ankle Surgery #4

Yep, I had ankle surgery again yesterday which is why I didn't post as I didn't get home until late and frankly I crawled upstairs and went to bed.

The docs went in a bit blind this time, going only on my symptoms and the fact that during a fluoroscopic examination last Saturday and after the docs gave me a local anesthetic into the joint and played with the ankle and put it under stress. That is the first time they caught the slight movement on the fibula. We also identified 2 nerves that had been giving me problems.

They first did an arthroscope where they found synovitis again but not to the extent of the last surgery done 6 months ago but again enough that it was an abnormal buildup and in just 6 months time. On an normal person one wouldn't find synovitis at all. But I have never been normal. During this scope they did not find one of my nerves that went to my big toe that we knew was entrapped since I had no feeling at all in the toe. They finally found it on the lateral side of the ankle between fibula and the talus - definitely not where it was supposed to be. So they put it back in its groove.

So in the diagram above it shows 3 ligaments that are rarely torn. Again I am not normal. I tore them. In fact, after the scope, they opened up the lateral (outside of the ankle from the mid ankle to 5 inches above and found no ligaments except the one they had repaired twice (the ATF). Under the fluoroscope they were able to see the tibia and fibula and talus all moving independently of each other. Normally there are the ligaments that allow these to move with each other. Not mine - they were loosey goosey with nothing preventing the other from moving out of position. This was the reason I felt the instability but they could never find it on the MRI or any other test. Kinda felt nice to be vindicated - that it wasn't all in my mind.

So they used a synthetic tissue called Artelon to make these 2 ligaments (the anterior inferior tibiofibular ligament and the posterior inferior tibiofibular ligament. They had repaired the posterior talofibular ligament and the calcaneofibular ligaments but they had loosened up with all the other instability so they reconstructed and used the Artelon to strengthen them. They also found the other nerve I had been having problems with and found it bound down in scar tissue. They released it and hopefully scar tissue won't reform around it again.


Then they addressed the scar tissue between the tibia and fibular where the syndesmotic injury was. There was nothing viable there so they scraped all the tissues out and replaced them with the Artelon, roughing up the bone then suturing (sewing) the tissue to both bones. They then passed 2 syndesmotic screws through the fibular and through the tibia to hold it all together and let it heal in place for 8-12 weeks then remove the screws and see if I can stand. (2nd picture) If that doesn't work, I might have to have a permanent screw across the 2 bones but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Getting used to being non-weight bearing wasn't too hard. I took a shower tonight. Trouble has been amazingly friendly and cuddly and not wanting to leave my side. Hubs finally had to physically remove him from the bathroom so I could even get into the shower. His pitiful meows could be heard for miles until I was reunited with him. He won't even let hubs come near me now.

All in all, about what I expected. Pain about what I expected. Should be able to return to work in a week from Monday. Still planning on making my first trip downstairs Wednesday to help make cappelletti, stew the chicken and then prepare Thanksgiving supper of soup and chicken. Friday I will start the turkey prep to take to inlaws house for Saturday dinner (lunch to you Yankees).

Memories

Sometimes I feel that our memories are really not based on any sort of factual occurrence. They are things, events, that have been reshaped by other events, by other wishes or desires, by other memories, by other people. They are reworked to fit into the parts of your brain in which we hold them. They are sometimes altogether different than the original reality.

My one sister thinks she was born in another family. She has no memories of when she was young. When others of us remember a funny event (like the time by brother put crackers in my Marge Simpson hairdo I was so proud of when I was a junior in high school). My sister was there - we have pictures of her there yet she doesn't remember that event.

But with every event in our lives, we look at it and say yes, it was a fun event or it was a crappy event or it was an event that seen through someone else's eyes, is way different.

My children remember things that I totally forgot or in such a way that I look at them and wonder how they ever came to that conclusion.

Did you know there are three parts of memory?
1. The first part is when you receive the memory then process it or register it.
2. Second is when you store it.
3. Third is the retrieval or recall or recollection of said memory - the part when you look back into the stored information area in response to some cue in the process of an activity.

Why do I bring this up in a blog post now? No clue. Or maybe it was hearing the song "The Way We Were" as I was listening to Barbara Streisand tonight while paying bills. It has been like a stuck needle in my brain.

Wednesday Website

Today's website is the bouncy ball game. The object is for you to design your own game field by drawing the line you think will best get the ball to the exit. Hmmmmmmmmm....those laws of physics might come in handy for this game!
www.addictinggames.com/thebouncyball2.html

Recipe Tuesday - Potato Casserole

1 (2 lb) pkg frozen hash brown potatoes
1 pint sour cream
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 stick of butter, cut up
½ stick of butter, melted
10 oz shredded cheddar cheese
1 small onion (chopped)
1 Tbsp salt
½ tsp pepper
2 cups Corn flakes, crushed

Mix together sour cream, chicken soup, cheddar cheese, onion, salt, pepper and cut up butter. Add potatoes and mix. Butter 9x13 inch casserole dish. Press potato mixture in bottom of buttered dish.

Mix together crushed corn flakes and melted butter. Add on top of potato mixture.

Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour.

First Shingles Now Compression Fracture of the Humerus

So tonight we get a phone call from MIL. She fell. At first she wouldn't tell us how or where - only that it hurt to move her arm. We had life alert installed in her house. I told her to push the button and tell them you need an ambulance to go to the ER and we would meet her there. No, she doesn't want to do that. Instead she called a neighbor to take her. He called us letting us know he was doing it. I said we would be there as soon as we finished with the patients already in the office. I then called people to let them know my husband would not be at the board meeting he was supposed to be at.

Off we go to the hospital near MIL. Of course, there is a line a mile long to just get into the ER. She complained about the line. I said that if she had taken the ambulance like I told her to, she would already be inside being treated. I asked if she told the nurse she had shingles. Of course, that didn't even occur to her to tell them because she doesn't believe she has them. (major eyeroll). So I go to the nurse's station and state that MIL has shingles. They take her back immediately which I knew they would.

3 hours later, she was diagnosed with a compression fracture of her left humerus. She was put in a sling and told to see an orthopedic surgeon this week. As I was undressing her, I noticed more shingles on her body - now on her back. She states she was just scratching and they weren't shingles. When the doctor came in to examine her, I had him look too and ask him to give her his opinion of what those were. He said Shingles - definitely. So now she has had 2 separate doctors confirm that she has them.

Want to know why or how or where she fell? She was raking the leaves off her bushes and fell backwards, hitting her head but breaking her fall with her left arm, which of course is the arm she broke.

Who in the right mind would rake leaves off of their bushes?????????

Oy Vey!

Spiritual Sunday - Perseverance

This is my word for spiritual Sunday. There have been a whole lot of times in the past couple of years that I have felt I have been hanging on by the last threads of my sanity. Why? Probably for the same reasons every single one of us go through at any given time. Why do we keep going? Why do we not give up?

I know the reasons why I don't even though I will have 'pity parties' plenty of times. But the reason I go on is knowing that 'this too shall pass' and because I am a really really stubborn obstinate person. I refuse to ever give up.

Perseverance is actually about not giving up. It’s a term for those who keep going despite difficult conditions. Many great people have shown us that the will to persevere, to keep going, despite real difficulties can result in great achievement.

I persevere with this blog just by trying to post at least a few times a week. I think the reason is more this helps me not speak to myself. So many things run through my mind and sometimes they even come out my mouth so by forcing myself to write this stuff down, it comes out halfway sane sounding or at least I hope it does.

I persevere with my messed up ankle because I know one day I will walk without pain. Many people have questioned why I stay with the same doctor. I say he's the only one outside of my husband I totally and completely trust.

So how can one persevere? This are things I do:
1. When something starts to bother you, wait as long as you can before you express frustration. I try to write it out but never give the person or thing bothering me what I write. I usually just throw it away.
2. When something doesn't work right, try again and again.
3. Don't lose your temper when something upsets you.
4. Always finish what you start.
5. Keep working at something that is difficult until you complete it.
6. Don't give up on difficult jobs or situations.
7. Focus on someone or something that ordinarily makes you lose your patience and try to understand it and don't 'lose it'.
8. Work a little harder or a few minutes longer on a task that you do not like.

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't.
-Henry Ward Beecher

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.
-Newt Gingrich

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them.
-G.B. Shaw

Tongue Twisters - Ankle Update

I had a doctor appointment today to set the date for my next ankle surgery that I had postponed on 9-24-09. Between him and my husband, they twisted and torqued my ankle into abnormal positions - well I thought they were but according to them, my ankle was not supposed to be able to do those movements. I still have a syndesmosis so this coming Friday will go in for another ankle surgery - this time will be to scrape out the synovitis using the arthroscopy then scrape out the crappy tissue between the tibia and fibula that has never healed, rough up the bones then suture this product called Artelon between the two, repair 2 ligaments that are never supposed to have to be repaired (I am special), then place 2 syndesmotic screws to hold the tibia and fibula together. I will then be in a non-weight bearing cast for 8-12 weeks then another surgery to remove the screws then we shall see if I can walk without pain. Would be a concept. They were initially going to do an arthrogram this morning so since I am allergic to the dye they use for that test, I premedicated myself with Benadryl. I also took a pain pill just in case since I knew they were going to be twisting my ankle trying to mimic the pain I feel every time I step down. So I was quite loopy.

My doctor I don't think noticed how loopy I was but my husband went to town with it. On the way home, he was making me say these tongue twisters - believe me speaking was more than I was capable of.

So after a 6 hour nap sleeping off the meds, here are the tongue twisters:

The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick. (This is supposedly the hardest).

I'm not the fig plucker,
Nor the fig plucker's son,
but I'll pluck your figs
till the fig plucker comes.

I'm a sheet slitter.
I slit sheets.
I'm the sleekest sheet slitter
that ever slit sheets.

I am not a pheasant plucker,
I'm a pheasant plucker's son
but I'll be plucking pheasants
When the pheasant plucker's gone.


I am a mother pheasant plucker,
I pluck mother pheasants.
I am the best mother pheasant plucker,
that ever plucked a mother pheasant!

Yeah, you can imagine how I pronounced them!

TGIF

I don't know about you but I for one am glad to see this week over. Between the constant phone calls from MIL who thinks that she was misdiagnosed and wants us to take her to a different doctor because all her friends say that they never got the shingles on the face but on their stomach, she is now positive that these people without an MD degree have accurately diagnosed her. She is under the impression this is cruel punishment. My reply that a nursing home sounded really good to me for her about now. To say she is not a happy camper is putting it mildly.

Well, I went back to the ENT today and took my husband and son. Husband has a tampon in his ear now too for an ear infection and on antibiotics for a sinus infection. Son is just having an allergy flare.

Ankle update - will know more tomorrow. Have an appointment to have an arthrogram done and stress fluoroscopy done. Bringing my pain pills cuz I think I will need them. I have to start premedicating myself tonight because I am allergic to the dye they use in the arthrogram. I may or may not be here tomorrow, depending on how much pain I am in and how many pain pills I have in me. So I will apologize in advance if I do blog and am a bit loopy.

Have a great weekend!

Shingles

I call MIL last Sunday to find out how she is doing.

Me: "How are you? We have decided when we are getting together for Thanksgiving."
MIL: "Well, hopefully my cold sores will go away. Is there anything I should be putting on them? I have them from my mouth all the way to my ear and in my ear and now they are on my nose and up to my hair."
Me: "You have what? What do they look like?"
MIL: "They are cold sores. I know what a cold sore looks like."
Me: "One does not get cold sores in one's ear. So tell me what these things look like? Are they in a line from your mouth to your ear?"
MIL: "Well, then I have an ear infection. And they look like a cold sore starting with a blister then crusting over. Yes they are in a line but the line isn't straight but what does that have to do with anything?"
Me: "When did these 'cold sores' start?"
MIL: "I don't remember - maybe a week or so ago."
Me: "Don't go outside of the house. I will get you an appointment with the doctor tomorrow. I think you have shingles."
MIL: "Stop over-reacting. They are cold sores."
Me: "So please tell me when in your 82 years of life that you have ever had cold sores from your mouth to inside your ear - please tell me when you have ever gotten a cold sore on anywhere but on your lips or inside your mouth."
MIL: "What does that have to do with anything?"
Me: "Just do as I say - don't go see your husband - don't go anywhere - don't see anyone until I take you to see the doctor."
MIL: "Well, I have an appointment in the morning with the dentist because a cap fell off so make the doctor appointment for after that."
Me: "Cancel your dentist appointment. DO NOT GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION."

I called the doctor but couldn't get her in for an appointment until Tuesday AM. So I called her to let her know. This conversation happened when I FINALLY got ahold of her later that day.

Me: "Why haven't you been answering your phone? Where have you been?"
MIL: "I needed some things from the store then I went to the senior center for lunch then I went to see dad."
Me: "YOU DID WHAT???? WHAT PART OF DO NOT GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? You quite possibly have shingles which is highly contagious."
MIL: "You don't have to treat me like a child."
Me: "Then stop acting like one. You have an appointment with the doctor at 10:40am Tuesday. I will pick you up. Be ready. Do not step a toenail outside of your house until then."
MIL: "Well, I don't have anything else to do since I ran all my errands already."


Next day I pick her up and take her to the doctor. The above picture is the side of her face but in reality it is all over the left side of the face but in strips and along her hair line - definitely not cold sores. Anyway, at the doctor's office we go in the side door where the contagious people go in. We have to ring a doorbell to be let in then we were taken directly to a patient room. MIL thinks we just had special great service and is commenting that they should do this for all visits. I just look at her and say this is because you are contagious. This is because since you are contagious you can't be around other people. This means you are not to go out for any reason unless you are dying or bleeding and then you call an ambulance. She says I am being unreasonable and that she is the one who didn't even get a hug from me. I try again to tell her that she is contagious but she just isn't listening.

The doctor diagnosed her with shingles - she really had all the classic signs except for pain but she did have the earache. As he is examining her, she keeps touching the shingle spots and then other parts of her face (hairline, nose, ear, etc). The doctor tells her in a very nice way to stop doing that - that she is spreading the disease herself to the other spots. She then repeats that she has an earache. He looks in her ear and says you have 4 shingle blisters in your ear. Your eardrum is fine - what you are feeling is the pain from the shingle blisters and redness and a nerve pain.

In true MIL form: "Are you a real doctor?"
Doctor: "As opposed to what? A fake one?"
MIL: "You aren't a nurse are you? Or one of those assistant persons?"
Doctor: "No, I am a real honest to gosh doctor. I went to school and everything."
MIL: "Well, what medicine are you going to give me for my ear infection?"
Doctor: "You don't have an ear infection. But I am going to give you a pill to help make the shingles less painful and possible not have you break out anymore."
MIL: "My DIL (moi) says I can't go anywhere. How big is the pill? I have been putting hot oil in my ear and that makes it feel better."
Doctor: "Your DIL is right. You are contagious. You cannot go anywhere until each of those blisters crusts over which will be 2-3 more weeks. The pill is big but you can break it apart. I do not recommend putting hot oil in your ear. That is an old fashioned remedy but if it makes you feel better to fry your ear, who am I to stop you."
MIL: "2-3 weeks? That is forever. I can't stay away from my husband for that long or be inside. I have things to do."
Me: I look at the doctor, shake my head and say: "Thanks doctor, we will handle her. I will pick up the medicine since I know you have already sent it to the pharmacy."

We get back in the car. I take her to Panera to get her some soup and a couple sandwiches which I know will last her a few days. As we pull up in front of it, she starts to get out of the car. I look at her and tell her to stay in the car. I will get what she wants - that she can't go around anyone because she is contagious.

Her response: "Did he really mean that?"
I give her the look and say: "Yes, now sit down. Sit still. I will be right back."

I get her soups and sandwiches. Then I ask her if she needs anything from the grocery store knowing that she could live off her pantry for years and would just need perishables.
Her response: "You have done enough. If I need something I will run out and get it."
Me: "What part of the doctor telling you that you can't go out of the house did you not understand?"
MIL: "But it will be just a quick trip in and right out. I will be fine."
Me: "It's not you we are concerned about. It is others you are infecting. Now do you need anything?"
MIL: "Just milk."
Me: "Well, does the pharmacy have milk?"
MIL: "Yes, but don't get it if it is over $1.98. And I can go later to get my medicine."
Me: "No you can't. You can't leave your house. We will stop at the pharmacy on the way home and I will pick up your meds and milk then."

I stop at the pharmacy. I go to get out and MIL is opening her door.
Me: "What are you doing?"
MIL: "I am going in to get my medicine."
Me: "Okay I am not going to repeat myself again. DO NOT GET OUT OF THIS CAR UNLESS I TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN. SIT. SIT STILL. DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING. DON'T TOUCH YOUR FACE AND THEN TOUCH ANYTHING IN MY CAR. JUST SIT FOR GOSH SAKE."
MIL: "Okay but don't pay over $1.98 for the milk."

I picked up her medicine and her milk. No it wasn't $1.98. It was $2.28. I got in the car. I thought she was going to have a heart attack with the 30 cents difference so after listening to her for 10 minutes, I got in my purse and gave her 30 cents. She thought I should take the milk back and go to another store to make sure it wasn't cheaper there.

I pull up to her house, get out of the car and tell her she can get out now too. I pick up her medicine, the soups and sandwiches, and the milk and walk her to the house. She lets herself in. I set the things inside the door, then close it.

MIL: "Aren't you coming in?"
Me: "No, I don't want to get shingles. You can manage from here. And just to let you know, I have already called the place where dad is and they are instructed to not allow you in. I have already called your neighbors. They are to call me if you leave the house. Now are you going to stay in or do I need to take your car keys?"
MIL: "I can't even go visit dad?"
Me: "Absolutely not. He is 91 and frail. He can't afford to get sick. You are not to visit him until we say you can. You are not to go ANYWHERE for ANYTHING unless we say you can."
MIL: "But he will notice I am not there."
Me: "Mom, he will not notice anything beyond a 2 minute time period if you are lucky. He won't even know you haven't been there. If you want, you can call him but you cannot under any circumstances visit him or you will kill him."
MIL: "Are you sure that doctor was right? I can't believe I have shingles."
Me: "Well you do. Get used to it. I have to go. Don't leave this house unless you call me first."
MIL: "Okay okay." I start to walk to the car. She tries to bring me back to hug her. I once again tell her I can't hug her and that she can hug that stuffed dog that barks that she got.

So on the 45 minute drive home, I finally get ahold of her next door neighbor and let them know what is going on. They report that she left in her car not 5 minutes ago. This means that as soon as I was down the road, she went and got in her car and left the house.

I tell the neighbor to call me when she gets home. He does and I tell him to disable her car in some way and I will distract her by calling her. I have him on my cell phone and her on the home phone so he can hear when I am talking to her (a distraction so he can disable her car without her knowing or hearing).
I calmly ask her where she has been.
MIL: "Why I have been right here."
Me: "Really? I have been calling you and you didn't answer. So where did you go?"
MIL: "What do you have a spy camera watching me?"
Me: "No, you have nosy neighbors who called me the minute you left. Now where did you go?"
MIL: "I went to visit dad to let him know I can't visit him."
Me: "Did you listen to what you just said? He won't even remember 2 minutes after you told him anyway. Plus I told you not to go see him."
MIL: "Well, thanks to you, they wouldn't let me in. They told me to go back home."
Me: "Good - at least SOMEONE listens to me. Now DON'T LEAVE THE HOUSE FOR ANYTHING, NOT EVEN THE MAIL. YOUR NEIGHBOR WILL DELIVER IT TO YOUR FRONT STEP AND CALL YOU TO GET IT."

So I hear the neighbor say okay done and I end the conversation with MIL. I started taking bets with her 2 sons and my kids on how long it will take her to realize her car won't work. I said 2 hours.

I won. She says she is going to disinherit me. I said "that's fine. I didn't want any of your money anyway. Now stay inside and get better."

Did I also mention that if I told her once I must have told her a zillion times not to touch her hands to her face then touch me or anything in my car? I was beginning to question who has the dementia. I think at one point I also threatened her with going into a nursing home. I know she told me that I didn't have that power. I said just push me a bit more and we shall see who has the power.

Oh and after I left her house, I emptied a whole can of lysol spray in the car and all surfaces. When hubs got home later, he emptied another whole can of lysol spray in the car.

oy vey!