A few weeks ago I was sitting at my desk pondering what to blog about. My mind was blank. I had no clue what to say or blog about. Yeah yeah, I know those who really know me, know that I am usually never at a loss for words. In fact most will say I usually never shut up.
The past couple of weeks have given me so many blog ideas, I can't even remember them all. They float through my mind like critters, talking to me all the time. I was always in awe of authors and how they say stories just write themselves. My mouth can do that but I could seldom put it onto paper. I am still a much better speaker if you can keep up with my brain.
So today's blog is about what happened today.
Today we spent with the inlaws again. We had to take MIL to the cardiac surgeon for her first visit after her pacemaker was put in 12 days ago. We arrived at their house and thus began our conversations with FIL for the day. Yep almost an exact repeat of the same ones.
We get to the hospital over 30 minutes early only to confront a 6 page new patient registration form which threw MIL into a tizzy. I took the board and started filling it in, leaving hubs with his father, still in the 20 question game.
It took me 40 minutes to help her finish filling out the form. I took it back to the receptionist and kindly asked for a copy. I knew we had another doctor in a week or so and this form would be repeated. Now I would have the answers.
Next was into the exam room. MIL got into a tizzy because the blood pressure machine they were going to take her blood pressure with wasn't the same as hers. The result: yep sky high blood pressure to which kept elevating the more she heard the numbers. I motioned to the nurse to let me take it. I had her deep breathe and calm down then I took it. I hid the numbers from her and said: "See? If you calm down it's better."
So next hurdle: doctor came in. MIL had 18 pages, single lined, front and back, filled with questions. Now mind you if I had seen said list I could have combined said list down to probably 5 questions because they were all basically the same: "When can I use the vacuum?" "When can I rake?" "Can I use a cell phone?" "Can I use a portable phone?" "Can someone use a portable phone in the same room as me?" "Or do they have to go into another room?"
Hubs finally grabbed her list. The doctor pulled a bible out of a drawer, made MIL look her in the eye, put MIL's right hand on a bible, and repeat after her: "I am not going to lift my arms above my head; I am not going to do any pushing; I am not going to do any lifting over 5 pounds; I am not going to exert myself in any way; I am going to call my doctor if I feel anything at all, no matter how small or insignificant I think it is; I am going to behave myself."
While hubs was looking at the list, I was sitting there with my mouth gaping open, and all I could think of was, why was there a bible in the drawer?
So when the doctor got done, she turned to hubs and said: "Is there anything on that list that I haven't already told her?" Hubs had a few things, more if she needed a medical alert bracelet (yes), if she needed antibiotics before any surgery or dental work (no), and when she needed to come back (when the cardiologist said she needed a new battery).
So all questions answered and we started out the medical building next to the hospital. We had asked FIL every single time we passed a bathroom if he needed to go and he kept saying no. So we got outside and were waiting for the car to arrive when he said: "I think I have to go to the bathroom."
So while hubs waited for the car, MIL and FIL and I went back inside to find a bathroom. Thankfully it wasn't far. FIL went into the man's, MIL into the women's. I waited in the middle. MIL comes out so I say I am going too, just wait for me. I come out. MIL is standing there. I ask where FIL was and she said she didn't know.
Ok, how could you not know? So I patiently asked: "Did he come out?" She said no. So I open the male bathroom door, holler in (not peeking) and ask if *** was in there. He said yes. I asked if he had a problem. He started crying. So MIL and I went into the male bathroom (thankfully no one was in there). He had locked himself into the stall and couldn't figure out how to get out.
Ok, no problem. I crawled under the stall and opened the door. (Yeah my post on one of the top dirtiest places came to mind.) MIL went in. FIL is still sitting on the toilet. I tell MIL I am going to the door and hold anyone from coming in. I washed my hands really well. Then went outside the man's bathroom door.
From the door, I am hearing the following:
MIL: "OMG, what did you do?"
FIL: "I did something?"
MIL: "You shit all over yourself."
FIL: "No I didn't. Someone else did."
MIL: "No you did. Now get out of those slacks so I can wash you up."
I hear the sounds of cleaning going on. In the meantime, there is a line forming to use the bathroom. I tell the males to use the female bathroom and I will watch the door for them. They look around like they are about to have a practical joke played on them but finally go in when they see I am not going to allow them into the male bathroom. I had to put my hand up and Girl Scout swear I would not let a female enter the female bathroom when they were there. I am sure they thought I was crazy or someone was going to pop out and say "Smile - you are on candid camera".
Next thing I hear is:
FIL hollering to MIL: "I can't go without underwear."
MIL: "Well, you are. Your underwear is all wet."
FIL: "Why did you get my underwear all wet?"
MIL: "You messed your pants. I washed them."
FIL: "No I didn't. Someone else did"
Yeah you can see above conversation to restart the entire thing. And the entire conversation repeated itself about 10 times.
So the 2 males I let in the female bathroom come out, still looking at me like I was the crazy person. In fact, they never left my sight - they walked away from me backwards until they were far away. I think they ran then.
MIL and FIL finally come out. So we head to the car where hubs has no clue where we have been (45 minutes had now passed).
Hubs is parked right outside the main entrance to the hospital. Note there are a lot of people around. We get to the car and hubs comes out and asks what took you so long. I give him a look like don't even ask.
I shouldn't have bothered. FIL who can't remember a flippen thing, suddenly remembers and YELLS - yes YELLS - "Someone shit in my pants and your mother washed them and wouldn't let me wear them because they are wet so I have no underwear on. Think anyone will notice?"
Yeah real fun day we had.
